Still getting grounded?

Question

Well i am 17 i go to college and i am redoing my first year their. I don't know anyone in college that would not be allowed out on a friday night, neither do i know anyone there who has to be ' allowed out ' by their parents. Most people i know are free to go out any night they want, my parents are always telling me i cant go out on college nights even though all my friends are out, and if i do manage to b allowed out 1 night i have to be back by half 9!!!!! And i get phone calls if im like 5 minutes late. I have been 'grounded' tonight and i think its very unfair on a friday night, and the reason for me being grounded is because i left them a note one weeknight saying i went out ad when i would be back,and apparantly this isnt good enough :S I hate not being given enough independence and it just makes me wanna get back at my parents and do bad things. Do you think my parents are to strict, and should i really still be getting grounded when im 17 and in college? its embarassing :( rik

Answer 1

I feel sorry for you, at your age my parents were encouraging me to go out with my friends, not grounding me! After I turned 16 they viewed me as old enough to make my own decisions and to learn from them.

The last time I was grounded I was about 11, and i'd say that was true of all of my friends too, so I can see why your embarrassed. It does seem like a very childish punishment in my opinion. They should beable to sit and talk to you like an adult, not a kid.

Don't do bad things to get back at them as this will get you nowhere. I truly think they are actually looking out for your best interests (they don't want you failing college again!) The only way your gonna sort this one is to do exactly what they say for the time being. Show them you can be trusted, and after a while they will start to let you do more things. Start acting like an adult and they will treat you like one.

Answer 2

Yup, them's the lumps. They're paying the bills, and you're still a minor. Yes, it does sound a bit hard, but I notice you don't say what time you told the you'd be back. Presumably it was quite a bit later than 9:30? You didn't ask, or try to negotiate, you just did it when they weren't there to comment. You know the rules, so don't whinge.

I presume there's a reason for you having to repeat the year? Like, maybe, not putting enough work in last year? Taking the mick by stopping out late when you should have been studying? you're quite lucky they've not just told you to go and get a job instead of staying on!

They obviously feel you aren't yet mature enough to handle the "independence" you demand, so it's up to you to prove them wrong. Getting in a strop is *not* going to do your case any good. You are classed as a "young adult", now is the time to live up to it and show them just what you *can* achieve. And try talking to them instead of doing a Kevin and flouncing about.

Answer 3

well youre parents are worried about you and they want what is best for you, they want you to have a good education. It isn't like ti used to be Hun, I got two boys who are more than capable of looking after themselves but I still like to know where they are and when they are coming back and yep I am on the phone to them if they are 5 Min's late. You have to be these days as there are so many idiots about. You been a daughter they Will worry more, You did the right thing leaving them a note yes, but they will have seen it as you were telling them you were going out and not asking them if it was OK. Perhaps you should have called them and asked them. Maybe you could reach a compromise, If you do as they ask in the week then at weekends you are allowed a little more freedom, but don't screw it up girl or you will be right back at square one. Trust and respect are things that have to be earned.

Answer 4

Hhmm.

You have my sympathy Rik, they do sound a little strict.

A lot of ppl here will no doubt say ''what have you done to deserve this'' or '' it's your fault'' in some way, but I doubt that is true.

Some parents are simply stricter than others.

This could be because they do not know how to treat their kids as young adults and are themselves still treating you as a child, which is wrong but quite understandable.

I'm guessing you talk to your parents (or at the least, they talk to you), so can I suggest you ask them for a chat, both of them there with you.

Tell them you are unhappy and this is affecting your school work.

Suggest a plan, for example, if they let you out until 10 this week, you promise to call in at 9:30 and tell them you are ok.

After a month, if you have shown yourself responsible, then extend it to 11, and do the same again (call in at 10).

Advise them that they can call you anytime whilst you are out, because you are glad they care about you

Do not however let them down by not keeping to your promises, as I can assure you they will keep to theirs.

Good luck my friend, and think....

In a 100 years time, who's gonna give a damn?

Answer 5

I went through this exact same thing...I was 20. What I did was move out. I regretted it 2 years later when I was without a college degree. Tough it out. Respect their rules in their home and it'll be over with before you know it. Remember..you are 17. Maybe once you're 18 they'll relax a little? If not..tough it out. The best way to handle the embarassment is to act like every choice is yours. Don't say 'mom and dad...'. Please..email me if you want to talk about it but PLEASE don't quit college or move out. Maybe once you get two years of college under your belt you can go away and stay in a dorm? Good luck and again...what happens now will literally be a blur in 5 years.

Answer 6

Haha, just do what every kid does by your age, tell them "No, I am not grounded." There's nothing that a parent can really do after that short of beating you or cutting you off financially, but you're still a minor, so they can't do that legally and most parents wouldn't even dare try it! Save up some money and move out, but stand your ground, you're almost an adult, set the rules for yourself.

Answer 7

Independence is like respect, you have to earn it and give it in order to receive it.
At 17 you are still a minor and so you will have to seek oermission from your parents to be allowed to do things I'm affraid. However 9 30 is a bit early to be in by at 17, so I would negotiate with them on that one.
Act responsibly, reason respectively and you should find that your parents will allow you to do more.

Answer 8

When you turn 18 you will be of legal age to do as you please, but if you live in your parents house and they are paying the bills you have to abide by their rules. If at anytime you think you can do better, go out and get your own place. I hope you have the energy to work and go to school, and keep your place up. Oh, and another thing, stop whinning, if you are so grown up, you would understand why they are doing this, which means you are not old enough to be out on your own.

Answer 9

I think you should sit down wiv ur folks and in a mature way let them know that u are not a child anymore and that u think u deserve to be treated like an adult. Being an adult comes with responsibilites. Tell them u understand their concerns and that u would like a lil independence. Im sure once they see you acting like a grown up, they will start treating you like one.
Remember NO shouting, or voice raising, this makes you look like a child, therefore they will treat you like one.

Answer 10

I would suggest on going to college away from home and have you done something bad that they feel they cant trust you. If that is the case they maybe you deserve it? or if you havent done anything bad maybe they are just being over cautious and they just really care about you a lot and are trying to protect you. Maybe you should try talking to them and letting them know that you know right from wrong and you would be able to handle yourself in any situations that might arise. Most likely they are just trying to protect you.