good guy needs advice on a tough conversation with his girlfriend! urgent!!!?

Question

I am suspicious that my girlfriend is talking to her "first" behind my back, and i do not at all feel comfortable with that. We both have been with only 3 people prior to our relationship. We have come to terms with each others past, but i don't like the idea of her talking to him. She tells me that they are not friends and it was a bad experience. Are my fellings justifiable or just jealous insecurity and should i bring this up and talk to her about it? I want us to be very open and honest with each other, but i feel like i am being selfish here.

thank you all for the advice. I've talked to her about it and found out my feelings were misplaced and nothing was going on. It was even the wrong guy, she was talking to an old firend! I also appologized for the unfair feelings i had and she unerstood and forgave me. I feel so much better and closer to her for it.

Answer 1

life is too short to worry about something you have no control over. i used to be just like you, jealous and suspiscious of a situation that either does or doesnt exist. if your girlfriend is seeing someone else you would need solid evidence that she is seeing him before comfronting her. it is close to impossible to acquire that evidence. live your life as though nothing is going on, until you have evidence. the stress of worrying about it takes its toll not only on you but your girlfriend also. admit to yourself that if your girlfriend is with someone else, and you find out, then just move on to the next girlfriend. their are too many women in the world other than your girlfriend. so its kinda nuts to sweat one girl when their are billions of others out there. and trust me, the others will do anything to get with you.

Answer 2

Ah...very good question. Find out if you have something in similar, friends, interests, sports. If so use that as a facade talk to him about it. Be friendly , fun, and in his life. If they're not worth tripping over they're not worth falling for. Be in his life and interested in him, but don't stalk him. This is of course after you find something to talk about, be it homework or the weather (only if there is a storm or something interesting occuring). Get the nerves, if you can't you'll be stuck sitting, waiting, wishing that he would iniate the conversation or what could have been. If you talk to him on facebook, that is definitly a good start. Come up with an inside joke or continue the conversation from the night before during school. Best of luck -Spike119

Answer 3

there is nothing wrong with chatting . if you start to tell her what she can and cant do and who she can and cat talk to you will soon find she leaves you.
she has been honest and told you it was a bad relation ship . she would be unlikely to go back to that . sometimes talking to an ex in those circumstances is good because she needs to put it behind her . but if you are jealous its your problem. how would you feel if it was the other way around?
what is wrong with staying Friends anyway. why dont you be Friends as well or is that asking you to be more mature and understanding than you want to be ? you call yourself a nice guy, prove it ! you are being selfish. try counseling to help you cope or talk to a very understanding friend for support

Answer 4

ask her honestly, but dont be rude and rash about it.
keep calm.
talk, dont shout or have an argumentative tone.

It may well be that she is just finding out how he's getting on - u cant just forget the past. i have the same thing with my girlfriend. she went out with her ex last night.
but - what i had to remember (and what you have to) is that after her night out, my girlfriend still came back to me, she is not with her ex for a reason - she wants me, not him.
this is probably the same as your girlfriend. if she didnt want you, she wouldnt have you.
if you get insecure and jealous you are more likely to push her away, so dont be silly like this!
be the best u can be, dont question things, and she will see that she is with the better man.
he could be horrible to her again, and she will need to run into your arms - make sure she wants to - by not getting too jealous.
she's with you. not him.
you've already won mate.

Answer 5

Talk to her about it. Tell her the about how you are concerned with what may be going on, but also concerned that your feelings of jealousy may not be appropriate. She should appreciate your honesty in saying that it makes you uncomfortable, but also admitting that your feelings might not be fair. Your emotions are real and whether or not they are 'fair' it is how you feel. If you do not share them with her, you will wonder and squirm at every little thing you notice and most likely get mad / sad / grumpy about other things that are not related at all.

Answer 6

She might feel the same way if you were talking to one of your ex's.

I fully believe in honesty and communication. If you don't have those, then you really do not have a relationship. Talk to her about it. Tell her how you feel. Be honest about how uncomfortable it makes you feel.

Answer 7

You are being a wee bit insecure but really why is she talking to her ex? I wouldnt be happy so I would ask her outright and lay it on the line. If she cares for you, she will accept your concerns.

Answer 8

you have the right to know....why not just ask her and since both of you agreed to be honest with each other then there's nothing to hide...and if she says it's just a friendly talk then belive her...if you proved that she's lying then make a desicion..you along can decide that..

Answer 9

I was in the same situation and wouldn't let myself believe anything was going on.
It was innocent.
They were friends.
She got pregnant.
*****,
wasn't my kid.
Go with your gut feelings, If I did I would have left her way b4 I did.
*****.

Answer 10

talking to her abt it is the only way to ease ur doubts and insecurities.let her know how u feel bt don't accuse her of anything u're not sure of.tell her what u expect of her without sounding authoritative.i'm girl and i've been thru this b4.GOODLUCK.