What is my boyfriend doing when this happens?

Question

If i have an argument with my boyfriend regardless of whos fault it is i could go home crying my eyes out (and he can see that) and he wont call and he wont text me the next day. Now for example last night i spoke to him as normal on the phone about my situation, i told him im having a bad time at uni and was talking about how sick of the uk i was and what i was hoping to get out of my life and while i was talking about it i got a bit upset on the phone. his reply was 'your wanting too much and only people with money is going to get where you want to be'. I felt like he was not very supportive. I stopped crying and just wanted to have a conversation but it was like after that there was an atmosphere as if we had just had a fight and i felt like i had done something wrong when this was not an argument this was me simply using my bf as a shoulder to cry on. the call ended with nothing else said and i went to bed thinking have i done something wrong, and i have no morning text from him

He seems to have a way of turning things round so im made to feel like i have done something wrong, and im the one that should chase after him. i think this was not an argument and i feel im getting punished just like i would if we had an argument ie i get the cold shoulder and he makes me feel bad. I think this guy expects me to just shut up and not say anything. is he playing some game

Answer 1

My girlfriend sounds similar to you, if you don't mind my saying, and I react the same as your boyfriend. It's just with some guys it's hard to know what to do when a girl starts crying so we clam up, and this makes it look as if we're being moody, when in reality we just don't know what to do.

Think about it and you'll realise it even harder to cope with over the phone, all you can really say is 'calm down, it's not that bad,' and that often gets the tears flowing even harder! It sounds to me as if he was being down to earth but maybe a little cold.

But I've always been exactly the same and I have a long and healthy relationship with my girlfriend. Hope it gets sorted out for you!

Answer 2

1. There's nothing wrong with big dreams. Lots of people start off poor, but many find the luck or talent or opportunity to turn their life around and get to the top. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do it because only you can decide that for yourself.

2. Sorry to say, but the problem with your boyfriend is multilayered. Some on your side and some on his. Part of the problem is that you probably were ranting about some kind of unfairness or difficulty in your life and you most likely have done it before. After a while, everyone gets tired of hearing that kind of stuff.

Curious, but did you ask your boyfriend how he was doing and give him the chance to actually tell you what he's going through? If not, that may be another piece of the problem.

The part of your boyfriend punishing you, that's juvenile of him. You're an adult and so is he. He shouldn't be trying to punish anyone.

Third, your boyfriend is your shoulder to cry on, maybe, but if you're crying a lot, he's probably saturated by now. Give the boy a break sometimes, ok? He is probably one of those guys that appreciate self sufficient women who can take care of themselves. He maybe is also looking for some more mature behavior on your part. I'm not saying that you were being immature because I don't know if you were or not, but I get the feeling that HE thinks so, which might be why he's thinking he has to punish you OR it could be why YOU think he's punishing you, even if he's not.

Instead of complaining to him about your hard times and telling him what you want out of life, how about talking over YOUR ideas of HOW you want to obtain your goals. Just bounce things off of him for ideas and if he thinks it's not going to work, then say ok and leave it alone. It might be a better way to accomplish your goals than giving him a list of grievances you have with life. The fact of the matter is, he's probably got a list of his own. We all do. He has to deal with his and probably they're taking up a lot of his energy to take care of. I'm kind of getting the feeling he's tired of hearing about your troubles, especially if you tell him in such a way that makes him feel like you expect him to fix them for you. Even if that's not your intent, maybe he does feel that you're asking him to coddle you like a child and make everything better. I'm sure he realizes you're going through a lot and I'm also pretty sure that he'd help you if he could, but he might not have any idea how he could accomplish this. To a man, having a problem that can't be fixed is very frustrating and maybe that's making him peevish.

I don't know if any of this is true or on the mark, but this is what I think is possible based on what you've said. Please take the time to think about your life and your approach to your problems and your boyfriend before you take your next move. Maybe something here will help you both get over these difficulties.

Good luck with all of this. Hope it works out.

PS: None of what I said was meant as an insult. I apologize if any offense was taken.

Answer 3

I don't understand how you can expect us guys to just try and comfort you as soon as you cry right after arguing. It's illogical and whose fault it is, generally does matter as they're the one that caused it. Now he was being unsupportive but at the same time, how often do you complain about things? He didn't comfort you but instead told you to basically appreciate what you have. He's rather blunt but maybe that's his way of cheering you up or supporting you - making you realize you have it good so you'd be more optimistic about your current life? I mean how does he normally comfort you if he has before? As for why he's doing it, maybe he's annoyed or aggravated at what happened after each fight so he doesn't text or call you because he wants to show you his feelings through being cold and distant or he could just be trying to make you feel bad. Have you tried asking him why he doesn't call or text you the day after an argument? Anyways hope this helped jog your thoughts and help you come to some kind of decision or conclusion.

Answer 4

there is one way to find out, turn it around on him!!! start giving him the cold shoulder and when he says things like what he has planned and what he wants from life dismiss him! see how he likes being on the recieving end of that attitude!!! if it were me personally, i'd take said boyfriend by the short and curlies and really have a very serious talk to him, no one should ever put down your dreams and he sure as hell should not make you cry!!!

Answer 5

I have to say although this isn't good for you, my initial thoughts are is this guy either not confident and emotionally mature and knows it...or is he just a complete pig.

You should tell him everything you said up there. If he is still unsympathetic then you have your answer...but he might say that he doesn't know what to say, it could be that he's not very good at reading emotions or dealing with them. Sounds like he might be afraid that he can't give you what you need...espeicaly with the comment about money. Maybe he thinks hes not good enough for you. Is he at uni too? How's his life going?

Answer 6

Well clearly he is not being supportive enough and you need to tell him this. Tell him that whenever he needs you your supportive (I'm presuming you are) and that it would be nice to recieve the support back. If he still fails then hun I'm afraid you deserve to be with someone better. Sounds possible like he is no longer interested and perhaps you should think about moving on and finding someone who is interested and that will support you and love you like you deserve. Just speak to him first though and see what comes of it, and if he doesn't change, move on. You deserve so much better. Goo luck x

Answer 7

Sorry, but to me it sounds like he doesn't care anymore. How long has it been since you saw him last? You know, there are guys out there who show they care, he is not one of them. You should be able to share your feelings with your boyfriend and expect a few words of comfort in reply. You might want to explore your options with someone else. Don't settle for someone who doesn't meet your expectations. You are well worth it! Make it a good one!

Answer 8

Most males do not want to listen to a girl crying all of the time. If you are unhappy with your situation, stop talking and do something about it. After all, it is up to you to change your destiny... It is not change that defeats us but monotony. The necessary art is not, heaven forbid, to "grow old gracefully", but to simply grow old; to see oneself as a developing creature, rather than an static one. What becomes of anyone is the mystery and wonder and necessity of life. Change demands a constant reordering of ones concept of oneself, which is not easy, but it brings with it the reward of understanding. Life is endless choice, perpetual discovery, constant revision of all you thought you knew. Life holds out to each of us the promise of becoming whatever we have in us to become. To change is not only to fulfill our own promise but to transform life itself. Good luck & God bless****

Answer 9

From the looks of it he doesn't want to be with you. Quit all that crying and stop blaming yourself if he gives you a cold shoulder. Move on..

Answer 10

1) how can you be sick of the UK, waste of phone call tbh

2) your boyfriends very clever at using your (clearly) uncontrolable emotions (debatable) to make it seem like your fault

3) you are two opposite people; here's you asking the world for relationship advice and he won't even text you when you fight, find someone else more suitable who you dont fight with

4)doormat