So I slept with this guy last night........?

Question

I've been seeing him for about three months and had such a strong desire to have sex with him that I just finally did! My mind was telling me no but my body was telling me yes. So, it was good. First times are always awkward because you want to do well so it was more of a performance for me than anything. So, today he didn't call till late and told me that I should consider using douche and that I should be more submissive in bed. My jaw dropped! I was so upset and then he kept talking as if he didn't just say the most awful thing in the world. I'm very clean but that is not even the point of the thing. So, he tells me that he wants to keep seeing me and blah, blah, blah. I told him to go to hell and that I wasn't even going to point out his defects cause it wasn't worth it at all. I'm so upset at this. I took my time to get to know him before I went to the next step and then he says some insane thing like that. I want to punch him in the mouth! Ouch! He told me that he wants to see me

He said that since he "plans to keep having sex with me that I should know". I shower twice a day, I don't have any infections or STDs. I go the gynecologist yearly. I had a boyfriend for seven years before this jerk came along who never complained about my odor. It's 4am and I'm still upset! I wrote some awful text messages to him about how he should Nair his back and go to the gym to lose the flab! I'll stop here and just brush the whole thing off. Cut my losses. For the guys that say that he is just being honest, there's honest and then there's stupid. If he wants to have sex with me again, that is the last thing he should say. He told me that he is picking me up tomorrow for dinner! I hung up on him. Jeez! A lot of weirdos in NYC

Answer 1

Guys like that give decent guys a bad name, Its too bad you sometimes dont see the real person until you have opened yourself up to them, and they just say totaly unproductive and hurtful things. what a loser. You should tell him that the whole YA community thinks he is a jerk, too.

Answer 2

Everyone is taking your side and no one really wants to tell you the truth. No one except me. So you gave it up on the accelerated scale, and you expected to have a meaningful relationship when you hardly knew the guy. The 3 or 4 times you were dating dude, this is the first time you noticed he was an ******. Reality check! You are responsible for your own property and when you decide to give it up you need to know about that person. How much can you really know in 3 months, which we all know was really a month and a half? Dude was judging you by your behavior. What I am saying is take the time to get to know a person before you go do the nasty. Then if you decide to do the wild thing that is one you. As I read the story you are not the victim here, you made a victim out of your self. And in the future never ever let anyone in the kingdom without a rain coat that is even more foolish, irresponsible, and dangerous.

Answer 3

First of all, you have absolutely every right to be offended - don't listen to what anyone else has to say. You were not over reacting in the slightest. In fact, if it were me, I would have probably slapped him in his face! You are a woman who deserves to be treated with respect. A good man would never say such things, nor should they even THINK about saying something like that. How can you maintain dignity with a man degrading you in such a way? Maybe he was being honest...fine. However, there is a fine line between honesty and being just plain ruthless.
I would never see him again. He obviously has no problem making you feel like crap now, I'm sure he'll continue to do so if you stick around long enough. Let him tear away some other poor woman's self esteem!

Answer 4

Hmmm I'm not sure which offended you more.

The douche thing or the submissive thing.

The way I see it, he must've made it seem like a bad thing. Maybe he was just being honest because he likes you a lot?

I mean of course he wants to see you again, he probably had a great time. Isnt honesty what most girls look for?

I dont wanna seem like I'm defending him, I dont even know him. You must like him if you slept with him.

If you feel you're very clean woman, than maybe you should find out why he would even bring that up. Apparently he is thinking more and saying less.

I'm not sure. You think its possible you might've over-reacted?

I would think it'd be more offending coming from someone you didnt know.....

Unless you perfer a guy lie to you about that sort of stuff?

Answer 5

Wait a minute...he tells you honestly what he thought of the night before and then proceeds to tell you that despite being slightly offended by your force(both physically and nasally!), he wants to work on a relationship with you...and you told him to f@ck off? What would you rather, he get distant, make you a 'booty call' and then months down the line tell you you stink, you're too butch and dump you?! Why don't women like to hear the things the way we see them...you're always complaining that we men don't open up and talk to you; when we do(as Jack Nicholson said) "You can't handle the truth!!!" NY'ers are brutally honest, regardless of thin or thick-skinned recipients...lol

Answer 6

Ouch is right, I'm sorry he was such a jerk...how did he say it, is he trying to be helpful of hurtful?
Its tough on us when we start to care for someone and have sex just to have it work out badly. I would move on, he obviously is not a compassionate person and don't you deserve compassion?? Of course you do! So chalk it up to another experience, you'll meet someone else...and you did mention he has defects....

Answer 7

He probably has a personality disorder, forget him and what he said. I know it was degrading to hear him say that after you had let him get so close to you. But you have to move on and the sooner the better. I have been trying to train myself to not worry a lot and I have found that a lot of my negative thoughts are about past events. Every time he comes to mind, say to your self ..."That is the past and I will no longer worry about the past if it was unpleasant.

Life is too short honey, try to put it behind you asap.

Answer 8

OMG! That's a terrible thing to say.

I guess it's okay to ask for someone to be more "this" or "more that" in bed, but to do it so casually just seems mean. He should have explained to you (and not on the phone) that he just wasn't into .......(fill in the blank..I don't know what you did!)

The douche comment was completely unacceptable and you should have told him that he has a small pecker and ask him why it was such a funny color. That will get him thinking for a while.

Answer 9

If the sex was good, keep that and find yourself a better guy. Douching isn't good at all for the vagina flora and what kind of man wants a sub woman in bed? I think he has some issues!

Answer 10

I'm sorry, but you answered your own question. He isn't worth your time darlin. Sometimes, even when we're very very careful and wait for that special moment, it still doesn't work out. Use this as a learning tool and what to watch out for in the future. Sorry about you luck on this one hun. I truly am.