Controlling mom?

Question

Me and my mom left my abusive dad about 4 months ago, and at first it was fine, everything was great. But recently, we moved and got our own apartment, and now it seems like she wants to control everything. We literally get in an argument every night about stupid stuff which just escalates. Such as, I wanted to get my best friend a Ps3 for christmas, I have worked hard and saved up my money while going to full time college (I'm 16.) And she's saying that this is senseless and if I'm going to spend money ridiculously then i should just quit. What do I do? She never used to be like this.

Answer 1

Your mother (sensibly) fears for the future for you and wants you to conserve ALL your financial resources until life for your family stabilizes--which can't happen in just 4 months after an abusive marriage.

HEED her advice!!! You don't know what's around the corner and being sixteen, intelligent and surviving their marriage as their son, you have a lot to lose by being too generous with $$$.
Your best friend will certainly understand the necessity of saving money in your circumstances.

Listen to your mother. Her whole job in this world is watching out for YOUR best interests and she sounds pretty good at it if that's her advice to you.
PS: The arguing is the result of the intense stress she's under. It will pass with time and stability.

Answer 2

I'm you and your mom left your dad to start over. =)

As for you getting a PS3 as a Christmas gift for your friend, I think that's quite an expensive gift. I don't think your mom is controlling when she told you to not spend your money lavishly. She knows you've worked very hard for it and perhaps you should save it or spend it on yourself. I understand that you want to get your best friend something nice, but when your mom looks at the situation, she sees such an amount of money can be spent else where. Does your friend really need a PS3? I'm sure if she really wants it, her parents can purchase it for her. If not, then she can also work and buy it for herself. Friendship is not measured with gifts. Keep that in mind.

In the mean time, you do need to talk to your mom. If you feel that she's controlling you in other aspects, then you need to let her know. Maybe she doesn't realize that she's being overly protective. Perhaps she thinks that she's only looking out for you. She is under a lot of stress because now she is a single parent. Financially and emotionally, your mom needs support. I think she needs a friend...reach out to her and talk things out. I'm sure everything will be okay. Good luck! =)

Answer 3

I really think that your mom and you should get counseling. It seems like she is taking her frustrations out on you. However, since she is your mom and is in control of the household now, you need to respect her. Not sure what the arguments are about, but since both of you live there together, you still need to keep the peace.

If you are working and going to school then there should be nothing wrong with getting your friend a gift. It is your money and you earned it. I don't think it is ridiculous at all. It is a gift. She may think that you should be saving up your money instead of spending it, but you can still save up little by little.

You need to sit with your mom and explain to her that you love her and that you don't want to argue ever again. Tell her that what ever is bothering her, that she needs to get some help because it is really affecting you as well. Do apologize to her for your behavior as well. Hopefully, she will apologize to you too. Right now, you two just have each other and you two need to get along and help each other heal from the past abuse from your dad. Don't let arguments affect your relationship with your mom. She is all you got. Help her and when she bursts out at you, she needs to be accountable for her actions and needs to be a mother to you, not a roommate. I hope this helps you.

Answer 4

Your mom is an adult with the stress of keeping you and her in a safe place--keeping you in school--keeping you fed and clothed and healthy---and the realization that she was in a crappy marriage that failed--causing her a lot of sadness and anger...not to mention a future that probably sucks. She is an adult with a BIG load on her mind--she could probably use a little support and help from you. NOW she sees and hears things from an immature 16 year old. She can use the money you will waste on some crap for a friend---don't you see how this cuts her like a knife?? You should have better sense than what you are showing. When you are 18 you can buy stuff for anyone you want--now you should save for college or help out mom----think about it and do the right thing. I WOULD BE PISSED OFF TOO.

Answer 5

Your Mom is under a LOT of stress. You don't quite understand it yet, but one day you will. She may act differently because she is adjusting to some major changes. Don't blame her for that. Just talk to her, and make sure she knows how you feel. I'm sure she will understand. As far as the Christmas present goes, it is a bit lavish, but you did work for it. If that's what you really want to do with your money no one can stop you. Maybe you should consider helping your Mom with rent instead, and give your friend something that is a bit more personal. Everyone likes to receive nice gifts, but when it comes down to it, we all appreciate appreciation even more.

Answer 6

why would you buy your friend such an expensive gift? and maybe, your mom is just trying to protect you b/c your father is abusive. instead of being angry at your mom you should appreciate that she got you both out of a bad situation before it was too late. she just wants you to spend your money wisely. maybe instead of spending all that money on a system for a friend, why not give some to charity. just a thought!

Answer 7

Your mom only just got control over her life, and now she is trying to control everything! She needs to get out and socialize. Perhaps there is a meetup group that will suit her fancy.

Most parents are a lot more careful about what they are going to fight with their kids about. She is mis-spending her authority on inappropriate nit-picking.

What you do with your own money is no business of hers, so don't talk about it. Say anything she wants to hear, but keep your plans on the QT.
Save your money and get out of there as soon as you can.

Answer 8

This is due to the maternal ego of your mother. Don't take it too seriously. If such a situation continues, talk with her openly and frankly and get it set right.

Answer 9

She is worried about her finances. When people split upt they do not have as much money to give their children things. She is worried that you will want or need something that she can not give you. She is hoping that you will save your money in case that happens. Why would you want to spend that much money on a gift for a friend anyway? I'll bet your friend will not spend that much on you!!!

Answer 10

It is a transist period for her,she has lived with ur dad for so many years,she is missing him and cant tell u about that ,so she is bit disturbed,Pl,take care of her feelings and support her,dont b harsh to her.