Should I get upset about this?

Question

Me and my man have been together for almost 6 years. We plan on getting married and are expecting our first child this month. We have had issues but have worked them out and everything started to seem fine until out of no where, his ex girlfriend looked him up and has contacted him. She just calls our home number out of the blue and tells him that she found it on the internet. She is 3000 miles away from where we are so Im not really bothered by that. But what is bothering me is that he hides the fact that he talks to her behind my back. He told me that after she called the first time he told her to stop calling, but I know for a fact he is. She emails him. And is always calling his cell phone. I have confronted him about this and he told me that they dont talk about anything forbidden. But the way I eel is, he shouldnt be talking to her at all since he lied and told me he stopped in the first place but he was really still talking to her. What would you do?

Answer 1

You have every right to be upset. What he is doing is completely unacceptable.

She is totally out of line calling him. But he is doing something even worse. He is continuing the phone and email relationship even after you told him that it hurts you and you want him to stop.

So my biggest concern here is that he is completely ignoring your feelings and requests, and is doing something deceitful and hurtful, behind your back.

As your long term boyfriend, soon to be husband, and soon to be father of your child, he needs to get a grip and be supportive and respectful of you.

I don't care if all they talk about on the phone is the weather and the price of gasoline, they are both completely out of line, and I would be extremely pissed if this was happening to me.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a jealous type, and couldn't care less if my wife has male friends and talks with them. But what your boyfriend is doing is so far over the line it is not even funny. And to be doing all this when you are about to give birth is just disgusting.

Too bad you didn't discover all this before you got pregnant with his child. Because for me, what he is doing is grounds for dumping.

Answer 2

Well with any relationship there are problems
but with one that moves very fast as in
6 months and already a baby
there are even more problems
it takes a strong person to stick through these things
First tell him ur not comfortable
and that u dont have a problem with him talking to her but just dont do it behind your back
(never tell a man he CANT do something they will always want to do it out of spite)
So dont tell him he CANT talk to her.
Or try flipping it on him start talking to a ex of your if u can
or at least pretend.
show him how it feels
but dont go over board with it cuz he could not be as understandable as u
and then just up and leave.
But also if this man is not treating u the way u feel u need to be treated, toss him the ducees and just
bounce cux the only real person u need to be worried about is ur baby
that’s what I would to
but good luck
and congrats on the baby!!

Answer 3

You know, there are two sides to this. One: you can't and shouldn't tell the guy who to be friends with. No one wants that. But, the other side is, this friendship is making you uncomfortable and he did lie about it, which is good reason to be uncomfortable.

So the question is: Is there more than friendship? And the more important question: Do you trust him? Is he committed to you and the child that is on the way? Those are the answers you need. If either of those answers are "no" then that is a serious problem, as you know.

My S.O. and I have been together about 7 years. He is very, very good friends with his ex-wife. He talks to her every week and sees her once in a while and they exchange gifts. She is remarried with 4 kids. Now, I trust him and never believed he wanted her back, but their friendship used to make me very upset, and nothing he said ever helped. It was very hard for him to discuss it. I felt like, if you're so close, then why are you divorced?

So finally, since I could not get satisfactory answers from him, I spoke to her directly and asked her that exact question, and others. To her credit she was very honest and willing to have the conversation with me, and it was a real turning point. I understood their relationship, past and present, much, much better and it stopped bothering me.

I still think it's odd for ex's to be so close, but I am not threatened by it, and believe he has the right to choose this friendship as I have the right to choose my friends.

I know it's kind of trite but try to have the conversation with your guy calmly and honestly. Best of luck!

Answer 4

It sounds like you need to make a decision about how you want to be treated. Stay with family for a few days and give thought to how you feel and decide what to do about his betrayal. Right now he is puffed up that some woman is seeking him out. The question is - Is he ready to be a father and husband? If not - hit the road Jack! PS Why has it taken so long to think about getting married????? Do not live with someone who is not committed to you!!!

Answer 5

The fact he is hiding it means HE feels that it is wrong. And there is also probably the looming responsibility about the baby and marriage..he feels like he has to grow up all of the sudden. And why all of the sudden did she call? Probably because she heard from someone that you are getting married. Tell him to either be honest that they are talking or not to talk to her full stop. They have history together and you two are trying to build your life, he should tell her that she is no longer part of his life.

Answer 6

I would also be upset but be smart, you are the woman he is with, she is the ex. You are carrying his baby and if all goes well u will get married. I would just try to control what i could control. I guess i would sit with him and speak briefly and calm and let him know that if he wants to have a healthy relationship with you then he needs to respect and not keep in touch with his ex.
The thing is u must not get emotional, angry bc guys dont understand this and instead they take it that we are trying to control them.
Let him know that you love him and trust him but you need him to focus on the present and leave the past (his ex) behind.

I hope this helps, and i hope that girl backs off!

Answer 7

This is kinda sticky as you are expecting...Maybe he is telling her about you and your expected child and marriage plans.

How else has he been acting besides the communication with his ex? I would be more concerned of girls closer to home. Or is she really 3000 miles away?

Answer 8

I would tell her in the nicest way possible to stop calling him. And if he doesnt go along with it and calls her, well tell him that he will just have to deal without having you and your child in his life. And he may react if you say something similar to that. And after that ask him to change his cell phone # and his e-mail and to erase her from his contacts. God bless you and hope it works out with you and your future husband.

Answer 9

of course no one but you knows your man,would he do something like cheat on you or whatever? i'll say this, im married and one of ex girlfriends calls me maybe every six months or so, nothing really regular but we communicate a couple times a year ,we've actually met in person a couple of times but we just talk about what each other is doing and how things are going ,nothing untoward happens. so i wouldnt just assume hes doing anything wrong unless you think talking is wrong,of course who knows what her intentions are

Answer 10

I'd be upset because of the lies. He better shape up and prove himself. And he should tell his ex to stop calling for good. Let him know it's not too late to call off the wedding.