god doesn't like divorce but what if its an abusive marriage?

Question

I just started the divorce papers... he didn't cheat or anything but he was emotionally abusive and became very controlling and I tried and tried for over a year to make him get help and what not.... but obviously he didn't. He said he didn;t want to remain married to me anyways.. he wanted to do his own thing... Heres the thing, I am a strong christian and I know that god doesn't look well on divorce, but was I supposed to live a life like that? I talk to god and pray and read his words but I have such a fear that he is angry.... yet I am at such peace now that my husband is gone. Was I wrong?

Answer 1

Do not feel guilty for leaving an abusive man, you did your best and that's all God wants from us. Since you are a Christian, I am sure you have faith that God is guiding you to do the right thing, he has a plan even if you can't see it right now. Not to put your personal beliefs down, although Religion seems to put limitations and rules on God, believe me, he is a more loving compassionate being than you know. Trust in him more than you trust in anyone or yourself, no matter what "so-called Christians" say. Being at peace says alot more than you know, guilt is caused by so many prejudging people.

Answer 2

Hi Faith,
I'm not going to give you my opinion, because it doesn't matter. I am going to tell you what the Bible says. I pray that you will read these passages, and I am praying for your marriage.

First, let me say that there are several questions that need to be answered. A good counselor would be able to ask you, but since I don't have that ability, I'll just lay out some IF...then's.

Is your husband a Christian? If so, you can not take him before the court for a divorce. ( I Corinthians Chapter 6) And if He is an unbeliever, You can not divorce Him, save for adultery. Although, if He desires to leave, you must let him 1 Corinthians Chapter 7 verse 12.

So what can you do? If he is a believer, then you Follow Matthewe Chapter 18. Odds are he will repent. Then you can get on with counseling. (hint: When instituting Matthew Chapter 18, Don't get a girlfriend to go with you. Make sure that it's a male member of the church that he respects, or could respect. One that won't pick sides, but will look to see God's side.) If he doesn't repent, but is put out of the church, OR if He is a nonbeliever..

You expect him to act like a non believer, and follow 1 Corinthians 7:13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.

LONG STORY SHORT---If he is a nonbeliever, and is abusive, Peter writes specifically about this in 1 Peter Chapter 3.
1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

Did you get that? if you do good and are NOT AFRAID with any terror. It works. I've seen it work time and time again.

Answer 3

Divorce is never a great choice, but sometimes it is the only choice in a situation like yours. The Bible teaches that unfaithfulness is a reason for divorce. I believe that when a spouse breaks his vows to love and cherish his wife, he is being unfaithful. I went through emotional abuse growing up. It has taken me 40 years to overcome. Folks who tell you that you shouldn't divorce, and learn to live with it have never been through the hell of emotional abuse. It hurts a lot more than physical abuse, because the scars take decades to heal when they're on the inside. God forgives- trust Him to help you through this divorce. It is better to live alone than be tortured with mental cruelty day and night, and I think God would agree.

Answer 4

I don't remember a single verse in the Old and New Testament that uses the word divorce. The "moral" issue of divorce is solely based on what some priest or minister said should be the rule. Abuse is a righteous reason to get a divorce. You are following your religion by setting the rule straight that God is there to help you and not to hinder you.

Answer 5

No, you were not wrong. If you were not happy, don't let religion hold you back from doing something that would make you happy. If your husband was emotionally abusive and controlling, the next step would be physically abusive, so I would be saying that you got out of that marriage just in time.

Answer 6

He might not like divorce, but the Bible itself includes guidlines for divorce so it certainly isn't forbidden. I think an abusive marriage certainly meets the standard for a guiltless divorce.

(What those people quoting the Bible need to remember was at the time it was written, ONLY the husband could seek divorce and it was totally acceptable for the husband to (legally) do WHATEVER he wanted to the wife because women of those days were seen as little more than property. Cultural context cannot be ignored when interpreting the Bible. Rather than antiquated legalisms of ancient days under old hebrew law, you should refer to the standards which have not changed for how we should treat eachother. What you should instead refer too is where the Bible describes what a marriage SHOULD be; Ephesians 5:22-33...

Wives and Husbands

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[c] 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

If your marriage does not and CANNOT meet this MUTUAL standard, it is time to get out.

Answer 7

What God doesn't like is men who abuse their wives. God loves you. God forgives everything. Don't feel guilty over this; your husband was the one who was doing wrong and you can't change your husband. He is the only one who can change himself, and he chose not to do so.

Answer 8

Since you seem to know exactly what God wants, did he tell you there is a big lesson in this marriage/divorce experience for you and if you fail to learn the lesson, you will find yourself in a relationship with someone else even worse than the man you are divorcing.
Think back how decieved you were, you actually married this man you now see as unfit to be you husband!

Answer 9

you did the right things without a doubt and the universe/god/whatever anyone believes in would wnat you to do what your heart said to do and you knew in your heart the relationswhip wouldn't work. you put i an effort and thats all that matters. dont regret the decision, live your life happily and at peace.

Answer 10

God doesn't like divorce nor does he like abusive marriage. Enjoy your peace, one cancelled the other out!