I heard my father on the phone call someone "sweetie" & say "love you." Do I confront him? Tell my mom?

Question

I never imagined my father cheating. And he's home every night and all weekend, all the time (I've been staying with my parents while in town on business for almost a month). But I've noticed he's making phone calls every night around 10p after my mother is in bed. He speaks gently and softly, but I've heard the words "ok sweetie" "we'll talk tomorrow" "I love you" and little laughs. I'm freaking out and can't sleep. Do I confront him? Tell my mother? (This would kill her.) What? I tried to check his cellphone when he was asleep but it's locked at night and I can't turn it on. Please help. I'm 38. My parents are 66. Thanks to anyone with help.

Answer 1

Oh my, I would not want to be in your position! I understand how this must be tearing you apart....plus, the knowledge of what it would do to your Mom.

Guy, honestly, I would talk to your Dad about this. It is HIS place to tell your Mom, not yours. However, I would ask that you pray about this first. I have no clue if you believe in God but, if you do...now, is the time when you need to pray for God's wisdom and guidance. You will need to be prepared, with God's words and peace as you talk with your Dad about a very private matter.

Understand, I do believe in the power of prayer and I am going to ask God to show you the way, to give you His Words and His peace...to prepare your heart for what you must do, through love.

Answer 2

Confront him first before telling your mother. Don't do it as if you are mad and already know the answer, just tell him you happened to hear him and the first time you didn't think anything but after hearing him multiple times and after your mom was in bed you are worried about the situation. Tell him that you wanted to talk to him and get a reasonable explanation because all you care about is not hurting your mom. Sometimes people grow apart, and it is sad but if one is not happy anymore why would anyone want to continue a relationship with someone who is just not satisfied, the love will always be there because they had you together, just make sure your dad hopefully has just met someone and not done something to hurt your mother. Confront him all and all you will feel better regardless of the outcome. good luck!

Answer 3

I am so sorry that you are in this position. At one point, when I was in high school, I remember my father talking a LOT about a female co-worker. I was suspicious. He would talk about how they would lunch together and how he would help fix things in her office. It turns out that she was actually having an affair with his business partner (also married). I knew, at 15, that something weird was going on. It was just not what I thought.

I think that you should trust your gut. You are 38 years old and not an idiot. You know what you heard. Something is definitely going on. Ask your father about it discreetly. It will be the hardest thing that you will ever do, but it needs to be done before the questions eat away at you and it all comes out at an inappropriate time.

I really feel for you. Good luck, if that is even the right term in this situation. I really hope that I am wrong.

Answer 4

we caught my father cheating on my mother. He went outside the house and left his cellphone on the table. That sounds odd for us because he never leave his cellphone just anywhere. Then it beep and read a text message from an unknown number that goes like this "hi pol. how are you? I miss you and I love you" i was shocked for a moment. I was so angry, I even called the girl who text him and keep telling me that my father and her were just friends. As I remembered i confronted her over the phone and tell her that she's a *****. She told me that she also have her own family. I told him every bad description she can imagine picturing her. I even told her that i hope that her husband will know what she's doing then i will be very much happy to know that her husband will leave a damn girl like her. I confronted my father and told him what i read. He kept on denying but i told him that i will not help. my mother got hurt when she found. But she love my father and forgive him. But no with me, the fact that she cheat once was not a proof that he will change. Once he done it he will still do it. Just be honest with your mom about what you found and confront your father about this. Tell him that he's old enough to do such crazy things and that he should change

Answer 5

Yeah, you probably should tell your mother. I'm sorry to hear this...

Think of your mother. Ignorance may be bliss, but would you rather have her be happy living in a world of lies, or be upset knowing the truth? I think, personally, that the truth is more important. Living in reality enables you to be hurt, heal and learn. Living in a fake world just keeps you happy for reasons that aren't real. Where do you think your mother would want to stand in these terms?

And your father should not be getting away with this either. It isn't right. AT ALL. Especially if he's been with her for so long.

Not to mention, if he has his cell locked, he is definitely hiding something. He doesn't want your mother, or anyone, to take a glance at it when he's not watching it.

Oh, and DO NOT confront your father about this first. It will give him a chance to think of a way to deny it. He will have the time to come up with a really good excuse. You should tell your mother first and have your mother catch him herself. Tell her when he makes these calls so she can fake-sleep or something to hear it herself. If you tell him and then her, she will never be able to catch him. Sometimes people just need to see/hear things for themselves, not through other people, ya know?

I'm really sorry.

Answer 6

Well, now...sticky situation, this. First thing I would do if in your position would be to pray HARD and ask the Lord to give you HIS compassion, wisdom, and guidance. Let's see now...you are a 38-year-old who's staying at Mom & Dad's home temporarily while you have business in that town, right? So, that means you're likely not up on every little thing going on around the house any more.

I would definitely not confront your mom at all...not yet. Go to your father, lovingly and kindly, and tell him you really need to talk with him. Invite him OUT of the house, away from familiar surroundings, for coffee or ice cream. (public places discourage upsets)

Tell your dad very simply and very lovingly (without accusing!) what you've been hearing. Assure him that you are NOT eavesdropping, but have happened to hear this more than once, in fact, several times. Tell him that you've only heard it after your mom is in bed. Then ask him please to explain what's going on. He will either tell you, or tell you to mind your own busines, or tell you "don't worry, it's nothing."

No matter what the outcome, don't let this drive YOU bats. If he's unwilling to talk honestly with you, even THAT does not mean he's up to no good...it may just mean that a father feels uncomfortable talking with his child.

Tell your dad that you are concerned about the well-being of his and your mom's marriage, and felt led to ask rather than go off and believe the worst...that you care for him and your mom, and wanted to do the right thing by talking to him privately.

If your father doesn't give you any info, then you are lef with no other choice but to turn this over to the Lord in sincere prayer, asking His covering of healing and guidance and HIS will to be done in that situation...and ask Him to help YOU "let go" and "let God".

As for those of you who intimate here that a sixty-plus-year-old person would not WANT to fool around, you would be amazed to know how wonderfully active many seniors' sex lives are. Intimacy during one's "golden years" can be even more fulfilling than those wild hot sessions of your youth...because they almost always spring from an abiding, long-term committed marriage, with someone they've come to know very very well. Remember, kiddies, the sweetest music is played by the aged hands of the master who's spent a lifetime becoming ever more familiar and in tune with the instrument his hands have touched over and over.

God bless you in this. I pray this is nothing to worry over, perhaps just someone in the family who's having some troubles. No matter what, I pray you do not decide to allow anger to run the show.

Answer 7

It was a good idea to check his cell. Getting more information was the first thing on my mind to tell you. You still need more evidence and information. Record him. If you confront him, he just may flat out deny and get angry. Make sure you behave the same way as not to arouse any suspicion of his. You don't have much time to decide what to do. I suggest you tell your mother what you heard, how you tried to check his phone, and present her with any evidence you gather. It's her decision to confront him or not. She's his wife and she'll know the best time to and the best way.

Answer 8

Any siblings?

Don't tell your mom at first, and I'd reccomend that you approach your dad carefully. This is a tense situation.

If your gonna do it, and your dad is a drinker kind of guy, then maybe take him to the local bar, and talk with him about it.

Tell him you overheard a conversation that sounded a little funny, and ask if he'd be willing to explain it. Watch his reaction, if he acts guilty, then he's likely got something going on.

If he admits it, then tell him that it needs to stop, or at the very least, it needs to come out. If he want s to keep with his friend, then he needs to admit it to mom, and be man enough to get a formal divorce.

Answer 9

Well if he's at home everyday, all day and nights, when does he have time to cheat? i would go to him and have a talk with him first, knowing this will hurt your mother if he's cheating, but on the other hand, sometimes it's better to know then not to know, but before you leave.. i think she should know about this.... before the old man falls in love with someone else, and be gone.... that will hurt mom, far more then knowing about it right now..

Answer 10

Do NOT tell your mom. Ignorance is bliss. Do however ask your father what her name is and how he met her. Not that it matters but it will get the conversation an opening without being confrontational. Then tell him to get a grip and that he needs to decide if he wants to lose his marriage over this. If he does, thats his choice, but if not then he needs to show a little more respect and appriciation to your mother, because shes worth a lot more than this. And if he disagrees let him know that you will protect your mother by telling her, getting him out of her life and this would ruin his life in the process. But hey, at least he'd have his other woman, or would he?