i cant take this! please help...?

Question

my dad died in march. i was in the car with him when he had a sudden heart attack and just stopped moving, it was the scariest moment of my life, and i have PTSD after that happened. Im fourteen, and I was his best friend and he was mine. Now that he is gone i feel like i have no family member that could ever amount to him. and its so hard to feel comfortable at home. i don't know what to do, i miss him soo much. My mom makes no effort to make me feel the least bit happy even though she knows i lost the most important person in my life. She treats me like ****.

i am seeing a psychiatrist

and excuse me but who the f u c k said i was treating people badly? wow way to be judgemental to someone who obviously isnt in the mood for bullsh i t

Answer 1

i know u may have been told it before,but time is a fantastic healer,but grief hits us all in different ways,your father would not want you to hurt,and no one can make you happy if you dont want to be,its so hard being so young and not understanding the grieving prossess, the disbelief,sense of loss, the anger,the guilt, idont know if you have cried yet,your dad will always be in your heart,i know its early darling and please believe me when i tell you i do know how you feel,but you have a life to live and your own path to follow and be ready for when you have kids, and a death occurs you can be a better parent than your mother,and give your kids the time and love and care,i think its what your father would want for you.but be patient with your mother as she may be hurting too and shows it in a different way.

Answer 2

okay this is a case of both of you needing to grieve and the best way is to do that together. You are going to both need each other, You need to grieve over the loss and also deal with the fact you were there when it happened, that can bring on feelings of guilt. Don't go there, there was nothing you could do and nothing you could have done or said differently would have changed the outcome of the tragedy that occurred.Your Mum of course is also feeling exactly the same as you are but she has to also keep it together for the rest of the family,or she will feel she has to. She has also lost her soul mate and life long partner.
You need to talk to your mum and let her know you are there for her as much as she is for you, tell her how you are feeling and Tell her she can talk to you, she doesn't have to feel she has to be strong all the time.
We all feel like no one can ever take the place of our DAD and they cant, and that's what you have to accept, no one can and no one ever will, but what you have to stop doing is looking for that to happen,its a void you cant or should fill. He was your dad and still is, you have youre memories and no one can take those from you. Keep strong be there for your mum and keep going to the therapy. You are both angry at this injustice and anger eats away at you, so learn to stop been angry.

Answer 3

Sweetie...I am so very sorry this happened to you. It is a horrible traumatic thing and of course this would affect you! People have different ways of dealing with pain and frustration. Your mom has been affected by this too. She is not going to deal with it the same way that you do. She still has the responsibility of the house and raising you...she may be a little stressed out...that is a big change. I'm sure she had no plans to be the only parent. Maybe try to sit down with her and really talk about this one day. Tell her how you feel.....or if you are getting counseling, ask if she can come in one day and all of you talk about it. Sometimes it helps if someone else is there too. Let her know how what she does affects you. She may not really understand that. I know you miss your dad SO MUCH....what a time in your life for this to happen! And if you were very close to him this has to be SO MUCH PAIN for you. I feel so bad for you.....but you know what? God cares about you so much and knows what is happening to you. He is right there waiting for you to talk to Him. Just go to a quiet place and tell Him everything...how much this hurts you ...and about your mom and all. Just pour it all out there to Him. He will listen...He has the time for you. And He will take care of things and help you. I will pray for you too.....that you will stay close to God and that He will be your Heavenly Father who will keep His arms of love around you forever and comfort and protect you. Email me if you would like to talk ok?
BIG HUGS for you .....this is hard but you will be ok.


† On-call Prayer Warrior †

Answer 4

You must be feeling so sad. Your mom must be feeling the same 'so sad.' So who do you talk to? The answer is 'each other.'

There is a huge gap in your home because your special dad and your mom's special husband is not there any more.

You are too young to remember or know this song it is called:-
'United we stand - Divided we fall.' You and your mom should unite in the grief and comfort each other as best you know how.

Your mom doesn't know how to begin with comforting you, her wonderful daughter. She is so grief stricken herself, so this is a good time for you to be the grown-up in your family and go to your mom and comfort her. Be especially lovely to her. You may be surprised when,from this move, you will find the most wonderful friend in the world, She is called your mom.

She needs you so much, can't you see that. If you think about it, your mom has known your wonderful dad even longer than you have. She loved him as much as you did and still do.

Do it now, go to her let her know you can be strong. She has two broken hearts, one for your dad and one for her daughter who is grieving and she doesn't know what to do to comfort her.

Good luck. You are going through a terrible trauma. But your mom loves you. Believe me!

Answer 5

I've had my father die when I was very young and I felt much closer to him than my mother. I understand that my mother was not able to comfort me since she was grieving also. I felt lost and alone.
I had an elderly neighbor. (well elderly to me at the time 40ish) and I purposely would do him favors, like mow his lawn and bake him cookies. I became close to this man and began calling him uncle Sid. I remember summer days when I would sit on his porch and talk about anything that was on my mind. He was a good listener and I remained his "buddy" until he died recently.
Now I don't recommend getting close to a single neighbor as this could lead to something nefarious, but perhaps you have an uncle or other close relative that you could become like a daughter to. I am very sorry for your loss. How awful to be present when you lost your dear father.
I am now in my 30's and I remember how difficult those years were. I missed him at my graduation - my wedding - the birth of my first baby etc. Time heals but for now I hope that you could find a close relative to comfort you and give you some guidance in your life. I feel for you.

Answer 6

Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry for your lose. You know he would not have left you if it was not his time to go. He is with you all the time in everything you do because you are of him.
You may never find anyone as spacial as him and that is so hard. You need to find a support group because you are not alone there is others that understand what you are going through. Your mom maybe feeling left out, because you where so close to your dad. She may not know how to help you or she may not be able too. My heart goes out to you sweetheart I wish I could help more but time is all that will help. You will never forget and always love him and he will alway love you and you know how much he did love you that is a gift in its self. I tell my daughter that once you love someone they are alway in your heart ever.
May god soften your pain and keep you safe
Kim

Answer 7

Firstly, wow that sucks and my condolences.
Secondly, this may sound dumb or cliche or whatever, but you really need a professional to help you. Either a counselor or a psychologist to deal with your grief and the PTSD. If you don't have access to one then take advantage of the counselor at your school (high school or college). They are there to help you and ease your emotions. Of course any individuals response to this will be something like "heck no" but believe me it will help. Plus you really have no one personal to talk to emotionally one-on-one so going to a counselor or a psychologist will benefit you immensely. I really recommend it.

A verbal or written "get better", "cheer up", "i know what you went through..." is (i know) not going to be enough and you know it, sure it may make you feel okay temporarily but grief (especially of a parent that was also a very intimate friend) is not something that is short and the length of it is very different for everyone.

Answer 8

It's not on other people to make you feel happy. Each family situation is different. If you know you're suffering from PTSD and/or depression, seek help from the people around you. Only the people who know you will be able to better understand you. I see a lot of people here pointing out the fact that you failed to consider your mom's feelings. I really don't want to do the same but you should sit down with her. Talk to her about your problems and ask her how she is dealing with the situation. I will not and cannot say that either one of you is taking your father's death harder. No one takes the death of a loved one lightly. Your mom may have loved him longer as her husband than you've even known him but to you he's all you've known as a father.

My Mom also died when I was 14. It was right before my 15th birthday. She had adenoid cystic carcinoma, which is a rare type of cancer of the salivary gland. After fighting it for 6 years going on 7, a tumor in her neck grew so large that she suffocated. I was so distraught that I broke my hand while punching a hole in the door to my room. Counseling never helped me and ended up making me either even more depressed or just angry. I ended up drowning myself in my friends, while never telling them what was going on. However, when ever I got alone or with my family I'd find myself getting upset over the smallest of problems. I thought my dad didn't even care about my mom's death, seeing as they had been separated the whole 6 years she was sick and had even had a daughter with his new girlfriend. One day, I brought the topic up to him and it brought him to tears. I think that probably was the bigest turning point to me. I realized I wasn't the only one suffering and that gave me a little bit of relief. I still find myself spacing off thinking about my mom and it still me cry. It'll be 5 years now, come December.

It will feel uncomfortable at home, it will feel like there is a void in your life where your father used to be and no one will ever be able to replace him. Just sit down and talk to your mom, it may help a lot. Try not to take everything she says or does as a battle but instead as a cry for help. Your emotions tend to escalate things beyond what they really are. If you find yourself getting angry or upset, take a deep breath, step back and try to take a look at things from all points. Not everybody admits when they are having a hard time, be the first one to seek help between the two of you.

I wish you good luck and my sincerest apologies for your loss. I hope you and you mom are able to find yourselves on an even ground and that you guys are able to understand what each one of you are going though, your pains and needs.

Answer 9

Your mom is probably having a really hard time dealing with it and doesnt know how to respond to the situation... Just remember your dad will always love you and if you are having a hard time dealing with it, God loves you very much to and you can talk to or cry to him whenever you need and he will comfort you. I cant even imagine going through what you went through but ireally hope things get better for you, and just think about how happy your dad is in Heaven and you will see him there again some day! :)

Answer 10

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Your mother is probably treating you this way because she is upset too. You know how you said you feel as if no family member can amount to him? I'm sure she feels the same way, if not worse. The two of them were together way before you came along. And if they were still together when he passed on, I'm sure your mother lost the love of her life and her best friend as well. If they weren't together, that doesnt particularly matter, because they shared a child together. It may just be her way of grieving...and she probably doesn't realize she is doing this to you. Try talking to her about it.