I have a problem I need advice?

Question

I have a problem will someone please give me some help. I have a girlfirend that I have asked to marry me she said yes that really is not the problem, the problem is that Im 31 years old and Im divorced, my girlfriend of right now is just the third person I have ever been with sexual and as a girlfriend she has moved in with me and is helping me with bills. I have just started to become depressed that I might want to date other people but that is not the only problem Im not physically attracted to her mentally yes and I know looks are only skin deep but it bothers me my ex wife was good looking and had a big chest I was very attracted to her physically more then mentally and it didnt bother me like this is. Another thing is she has a 11 year old daughter that is so spoiled she wont do anything home work house work nothing and her mom lets her get away with it that is driving me away from her. Dont know what to do I have a son she is helping with also please help thank you.

Answer 1

Back out now. explain that you thought you could handle that many kids but you have since had serious doubts. It wouldn't be fair to you if I went forward and we got married and I couldn't be the husband that you deserve

Answer 2

This sounds like a multitude of problems. Having a physical attraction is important with someone you plan on marrying. If the sexual attraction is lacking then other things are going to start to fade. You have a busy life outside of your relationship. Being parenting partners is important. You need to set some ground rules for the kids and keep them enforced. Setting aside time for the two of you is also important. Sounds like you guys would make good roommates but the romantic aspect is not what it should be at this time. Getting married should not be taken lightly. You should change that plan as soon as possible. Have a long talk with your girlfriend. Tell her in no uncertain terms about your doubts. She will not want to proceed with that agreement. Start being open and honest and decide what would work out right now for the two of you. There is not reason to continue on this path unless you are both on the same path with common goals. It is not fair the the kids involved to continue a relationship that is not heading anywhere. Sound like you have divided loyalities. Do the right thing immediately. You are not a teenager anymore and you know right from wrong.

Answer 3

Sounds like you have many issues w/ this relationship. The fact that you may want to date other people is kind of a problem if you asked someone to marry you....apparently you weren't too sure that you wanted to marry her & asked her anyway?? Were you pressured into asking her ? The other problem of you not being attracted to her! Why did you start dating her in the first place? If you were not originally attracted to her then you should not have asked her to marry you. Normally I think when someone is attracted to someone else...once you get to know the person they either get more attractive or less depending on their personality. The kids are another problem. I would just walk away from this all right now. Its bad enough you have problems with the person your potentially want to marry, then you add kids & thats a whole-nother story!! Walk away & don't regret! There are a lot of beautiful/smart/awesome women out there just waiting for the right person!!

Answer 4

Well i would say, you never want to spend your entire life or most of your life with someone who hasn't done anything that'll make you attracted towards her...you shouldn't just be looking for a figure! i mean even though ya, that may mean A LOT to a guy the thing is sometimes, it doesnt matter if a girl has a good figure, she also needs to have a good nature. Ya, so she's helping you with your bills, but that doesnt mean you have 2 like her...That just makes it sound like "i only married her for money" which i dont think is your main reason....What was the first thing that ever even attracted you towards her....try to relive those moments....and as far as the daughter thing go's: START LAYING DOWN THE LAW!
this is your house that she is in....and if your girlfriend, like you enough than she'll support you in the fact that you have to ground your "step daughter". so dont think of yourself as a man that's being pushed down by a woman and a girl...and if you have some dignity and respect in you than you'll become the boss of the house! *i hope you get what im saying.* just ignore the bad facts in life and open your doors wide enough to see the good that comes your way...k well dont worry....by the sound of your problem i guess you seem to only like her..you dont "love" her...well if you don't like her at all then just tell her straight but just a smalll advice: DONT SAY YOUR BREAST IS SMALL SO I DONT LIKE YOU" ...i know that may sound funny but that'll ruin reputation like heck! k well good luck!

Answer 5

I think you know what to do. If you are not sure you want to spend the rest of your life with this person you need to tell her that. It is much easier to break things off right now than it would be after marriage, or even a few months from now. Also you will just resent her more and more and then you would just be divorced again. I think you need to be fair to her and to yourself. Let her know how you feel. It never does anyone good to lie, especially about your feelings. You already feel uneasy about it in your gut, so isn't that telling you something? There are MANY MANY fish in the sea!

Answer 6

you shouldn't want to marry someone just because they are making you're life easier! it should be for love (both ways) if you have issues now then they will become ten times worse once you are married. and, by the way, if it was your 11 year old daughter then you would not expect her to do anything anyway!!!! they generally don't, especially with a new man on the scene and having to move in with her mum's boyfriend! if you are looking for help, then get an au pair, not a wife. good luck

Answer 7

Why did you ask her to marry you in the first place? Beauty is only skin deep so you can't let looks get you caught up in something you don't want. Don't let yourself get any further into this than you already are. Tell her the truth, and from now on, remember, it will only work if you know the person like the back of your hand. If you know them inside and out it will last much longer. Looks don't last forever.

Answer 8

Well, it sounds like you are in the middle of a jam. You do have a kid, but the woman that you are with now seems to have a troublesome 11 year old. Being only a 15 year old myself, I can relate to the 11 year old in some ways.

My advice-- Try to explain to her that she has to change the way she handles things with her daughter. She may be spoiled beyond control-- but it can be stopped.

If you can hold off on the marriage while you talk to her, maybe that'll help.

Answer 9

Ohhh honey...Ill tell you what I learned from experience..if your not happy now, your not going to be and this is what I think. Now you have someone who is a good person that you can trust with you finances and your child and you know that's a hell of a deal, but listen closely..once she figures out how you feel..and she will...it will create soo many problems that your misery and depression will fester into full blown out disgust.

Let her go while you have the chance and your not married. and for god sakes dont marry her and put both of you..especially those babies..through god awfulness. Let her know how you feel, let her know you need help, and maybe she'll stay and you can be in one of those "alternative" relationships, but let her know..everyone needs a warning when the flame is going out.

Hope this helps

Answer 10

Talk to her and tell her that things are not going as expected, and you desire to have some space to clear your head for awhile. Let her know that you were under a great deal of stress from the divorce, and that you just need some time alone. Tell her that you hope she respects this, it's not her (though it really is!), but make her feel that you're really going thru some things and need some time apart! Good luck with this!

Answer 11

The 11 year old will cause you more trouble than you would want to handle. Unconditional love is the only way to see you through, yet realize that the 11 year old has just begun her rebellious years and either she will grow to love you or hate you and your girlfriend will do the same. If you decide to take this mission, you can't decide not to back out later on down the road, either you are in it for love of family or go your separate ways now...