Good jokes.?

Question

Need something to refresh my brain. Please tell me a joke--any joke. I want to ha-ha.

Answer 1

Three guys.....a Canadian farmer, Osama Bin Laden and an American engineer are working together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out if it as says "I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total," says the Genie.
The Canadian farmer says "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also be a farmer. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada"
Poof ! with the blink of an eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama Bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, " I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state."
Poof! Again with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The American engineer says "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well!, it's about 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country, nothing can get in or out....its virtually imprenatable."
The American engineer says "Fill it with water."

Answer 2

Clean Joke

It has been a very long and tiring day for this bus driver as he just took his last load of kids from school.

As he is driving this kids home there is this little girl next to him who is jumping up and down practicing what she was taught in class, she goes like " If my mommy was a female dog and my daddy a male dog I will be a puppy." If my mommy was a female cat and my daddy a male cat I will be a kitten"

The little girl goes on and on making the bus driver to be very irritated and the bus driver thought of asking the little girl a question thinking that it will make her stop as she won't know the answer.

He asks "What if your mother was a prostitute and your father a gay?" The little girl stares at him thinking what the answer might be, and the teacher never taught her such a thing. The bus driver is happy that he finally managed to keep the little girl quite.

But the girl start jumping and shouting "I know! I know!" Then the man anxious to know "What is the answer? "

The girl look at him straight in the eye " I will be uhm... I will be a BUS DRIVER!"

Dirty Joke

There was a very bad man that was sent to hell after he died for his very bad deeds...

He then meet satan. Behind satan were three doors of hell punishment, he wants the man to pick one of the doors behind.

The first door was a chamber 2 big ugly guys with knives that will stab him endless. The man cried and said to satan "I wont pick this door".

Then they went to the 2nd door.. big rocks from above will endless fall into him. The man doesnt like the 2nd door either.

Then the last door was a hot woman making bl0w j*b to the old man. The bad man was a bit happy and picked the 3rd door.

Then satan said to the hot woman "Hey you can go now someone here replaces you"

or just short joke?

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".

Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

Answer 3

3 men are stranded on a island... they walk around and find a house. They knocked on the door and an old man opens it. They told him they needed food, water, and a place to sleep. The old man says ok...so the first day they ate second day the drank and the third day they slept. But the 4th day the found the old mans whiskey and they destroyed one of the bedrooms. The old man said that he was going to kill them. But then the old man said to go out and pick 100 fruits. So one of the guys came back with 100 grapes. The old man said now you have to stick them up your butt, but dont laugh or they will all come out. So the guy gets up to 99 grapes and looks out the window and laughs and they all came out. The man desides not to kill them, but he asked him why he laughed. The guy said i saw my friends outside picking watermelon....

Answer 4

A 3-legged dog hobbles into an old west bar, looks around and says "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw"

Answer 5

What does Elmo get before he leaves the factory?

Two test tickles.

Answer 6

there was a flood warring. this guy says that his god will save him. so these people came and sayed the flood is in two days. the second day a chopper came and sayed the flood is in one day come to a safe place but he said my god will save me. the third day comes it starts to flood a boat comes come to safe land but he said his god will save him. he dies when he goes to heaven he askes god why did you save me? he said he tried to save you he sent a group of people, a chopper and on the third he sent a boat

Answer 7

why'd the chikin cross da road












to get ta the other side


HA HA