Adults only please: Should I move on.....follow up question?

Question

I've been dating a guy for 3 months, and things are for the most part great on all levels. We are very happy and have so much fun together.The problem is, in 6 months he's going away for 8 months of training (due to a promotion in the military) but will be back home afterward stationed locally. We've talked about the issue very openly and I'm ready to at least be exclusive but he is undecided on whether to get any more serious just because he is going away.If it wasn't for that he says he'd be ready.His actions show that he really cares and he hasn't dated anyone else since we met.This is really putting a wrench in the natural development of things and it's starting to drive me nuts. I'm so picky about guys and now that I've found one I'm compatible with why should I give 100% to someone who is undecided? I think if he was serious the 8 months wouldn't be a big deal...Should I move on before I invest too much emotionally? Give hime more time? Everything else is perfect!

Answer 1

Take it one day at a time. Enjoy the time you have with him until he leaves, but make sure he understands that if you guys are not 'official', then there is no guarantee that you will be available when he comes back. Make sure he knows that it is not an ultimatum, but rather that you cannot put your life on hold for 8 months because he is leaving to find out when he comes back if he is willing to make it more serious - anything can happen in 8 months. If he comes back and you are still availble and still want to pursue a relationship, then by all means start over. But don't let it stress you so much now or you won't be able to enjoy being with him now - regardless of what happens later.

Answer 2

k, I am going to answer this question step by step.
3 months you guys have been dating. Congratulations on having a good relationship for the past 3 months. I can also say the same for myself. it's very difficult to sort out the good ones from the bad ones if you don't pay attention.
Next, :-> how exactly is it a problem that he is leaving for 8 months? Honestly, It could be a great thing of you use the time wisely. You could also possibly still be able to communicate, through letters. If you guys were exclusive, this would mean that you would already be 9 months into the relationship at that point. It would be a great thing because hey, it is a promotion. And he is coming back. Clearly it would be difficult to have to be apart for 8 months, .. but the only problem really is the lack of clarity about the state of your relationship - now and in the future.
He does not need you to give him 100% because he basically said he is not ready to give you 100%. You DO have to move on but you don't have to move on from him just yet. Definitely give it time. He clearly is unsure about some stuff. Keep thinking about what you need, though.

Answer 3

I think dating a guy for 3 months is not long enough to make such big decisions, but if that is how you feel then fine. But, I think it is a mistake in my eyes. I think he is correct. You two have not developed enough feelings or invested enough time to be that exclusive, especially if he will be gone 8 months. He is a guy and he knows himself well, he doesn't want to hurt you by saying "ok, lets be exclusive and not date or have sex with anyone else," right.......... I don't think so. He understands that in those 8 months he will want to go out and have fun, and if the opportunity presents itself, then go home with a girl and have sex. Sex is a basic need ya know! I do know that most women can wait for a man of that length of time, but there are a few out there that can't. He knows he doesn't want that just yet. So, if you do and you can't just go on and date other people too and talk to him on the phone occasionally and then when he comes back if it was meant to be then start dating him again. Please be the adult here. He sounds pretty mature in knowing not to commit to something that he has to leave for 8 months. If you are so immature that you can't handle this, than do what you said and cut away and let him go.

Answer 4

I have dated a guy in the military (we started dating BEFORE he signed up) and I must say that it was the toughest relationship I had ever been in. We were together for almost 2 years and the only thing I regret is being with him for that long. It ended badly, but I've moved on and luckily I am now extremely happy. Anyway, I would advise you to try not to get too attached to him. Be casual with the relationship just like he is. Talk to him as a friend and than when he gets back see where it goes. It's already established that he will be stationed locally, so don't worry too much about it. And if it doesn't work out, oh well.. it just wasn't meant to be- something that took me a looong time to learn.

Answer 5

Wow Blondie it is a tough reality but you know the answer to this one by now. You apparently have had difficult relationships and it is okay to be weary; you have reason to do so. If he is getting a promotion would this not make better sense to continue with the relationship? If the 8 months is too much for him why? Gee, if this guy is undecided after you say ...for most parts ..on all levels, is he trying to move on? Love is not as clear as one would like but if you are willing to give your all why is he having difficulty to do the same? Sit down and ask him if the answer is not what you wanted let him go and move on.

Answer 6

Three months may be enough time for some, but not others, to determine the viability of an exclusive relationship. Everyone runs on their own timetable.

Three months seems like an even shorter amount of time, though, when you're facing almost three times longer than that away from one another.

There's nothing unrealistic about the way either of you are thinking. The best thing that you can do is what you have already done: talk about it openly and frankly, share your thoughts and feelings, and let the future bring what it may. If you're meant to be together, it will find a way of happening.

Good luck.

Answer 7

When someone goes out and does something like that for an extended period of time, they are bound to change. I think he's worried that the two of you will grow apart and not be able to fix it once he gets back, which is entirely possible.

I would recommend not getting too serious, let him go and come back, then see what you have. Don't expect everything to be the same, because things change, and there's not much you can do about it. The both of you can look around a bit, and decide if you still feel the same about each other.

What's the old saying? If you love something, set it free...

That's what I think, but don't let anyone on here decide for you. This is your decision, and you have to do what works for you.

Answer 8

Looks like you have 3 months to figure it out.8 months isn't so long especially if you can work in a visit or two. On the other hand,Promising to be exclusive is great if you wanna pick up where you left off once his training starts. Don't make such an issue out of it. Remember to cherish the time you have together now you still have plenty of time for it to unravel on it's own withhout the travel issue.

Answer 9

Yikes that really is a tough situation. You would of been dating for 9 months when he goes away, between now and then you will definatly have the foundations laid down and you will know by then if it will work or not. Sounds like hes interested also and just doesn't want to commit becuause the 8 month speration is a significant amount of time and alot can change.....

Guess with all that said, keep dating have fun and see what happens when he has to leave.

Answer 10

Maybe you can take a break while he is away. Still talk, still e-mail, but see other people. Anything that happens in the meantime is not discussed and doesn't count. No one gets serious about anyone else. If he's got a problem with that, then he's ready to be exclusive, and he needs to step up. If he's okay with that, then you've got a choice to make. Is that enough for you knowing that you might have a chance at forever with him when he returns???

Answer 11

I really feel the same way you do, if he was serious then the 8 months would be no big deal. The way I see it the only reason for him not to be exclusive with you is that he may want to get with other women when he is away.