Child said a bad word best way to handle it?

Question

Ok so my 6 yr old said a bad word at school today. He's not said many in his life really and in our house we unfortunately use some choice words to which i am trying to repair. So i thought about saop in the mouth. Has anyone else had troubel with this and if so how did you handle it getting the best results. He's a good kid but has minor adhd plus dad is on his 3rd tour in Iraq so i'm needless to say kind of thin in the patients department. Help anyone?

i didn't ask for all the rudeness just wanted some adivse thanks to all of you who are really giving advise and not being nasty

didn't do the soap just thought abotu it i really like some of the suggestion

Answer 1

You can do the soap thing if you want. Some people on here will probably tell you it's cruel and abusive, but believe me, it won't kill him and will make an impression.

If you are guilty of setting a bad example, this method might be seen as "Do as I say and not as I do", so here's another method that might come across as more fair and reasonable...

Make a swear jar. Whoever says a swear word has to pay a fine. Decide beforehand what words count and how much the fine is and it goes for everybody in the household. If he doesn't get an allowance, or you don't want to use real $$, then use poker chips or beans or marbles or whatever. If you did it this way it might work better to have 2 jars, one labeled something like Mr. Clean Mouth, and the other Mr. Dirty Mouth (use your imagination!) You could even print off some clip art or something and tape it to the jars to illustrate it. The tokens start out in Mr. Clean Mouth, and you have to move them to Mr. Dirty Mouth to pay the fine for swear words. At the end of the day/week/designated time, if Mr. Clean Mouth still has enough tokens, you can "buy" a treat. This wouldn't have to be something expensive or even material, it could just be choice of dessert, a game, or some other special privilege that you decide beforehand. You could even charge different amounts the worse the word is or the worse the situation is (saying one @ school or in front of another adult might be worse than saying one at home?). You work out the details according to your child's age/maturity level and the way your family functions, but you get the idea. You might even want to have "swear baggies" to take in your purse to enforce this in public places if you can't remember till you get home.

When my son was little, he was very hyper and we did a variation of this method. I actually drew on different colors of poker chips to represent hands (something he did with his hands good or bad--hitting vs helping) mouth (kind vs swear, etc) and smiley face (general attitude--compliant vs defiant). I had two jars, a "+ jar" and a "- jar", and we moved the tokens back and forth between the jars to represent his positive and negative behaviors in each category. He had to come out ahead for the week in order to get privileges and treats. It worked pretty well until he lost interest (ADD, you know!) but it did serve its purpose! This worked better than any other behavior chart system I ever tried, because it was so easy and portable.

Good luck! By the way, thank you & your husband for serving.
My little boy is now about to graduate college ROTC program and will be entering Army as 2nd Lt., and my husband is USAF.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Don't beat him or spank him-he's only 6 and besides he has adhd...so...I think you should just have a talk with him about good woords vs. bad words and how he shouldn't use them. Beating/spanking/hitting him won't help anything but it will probably just hurt him. My mom had to do this to me when I was younger and I never said a bad word again. Also, let him know how to distinguish between a good and bad word (you may or may not notice that it just has this overall bad ring to it-sounds crazy but at six years old I was able to tell).

BTW...for those of you who think soap in the mouth is a cruel punishment, people used to do it all the time to their kids who had pottymouths. It's not until people started spanking their kids (which at a time could have been considered child abuse, even today) that it seemed so unrealistic. Personally, I think spanking is more cruel than soaping-after all, he is only 6.

Answer 4

A child can pick up words where you least expect it. I would let him know that is a very grown up, hurtful saying and that he would not want that said to him. And I would let him know that he is not old enough to use language like that and that he disrespected that child and his class (includes teacher) and that he should apologize to his teacher and that child for saying something so mean. You have to teach him how to express himself, but in a way that does not get him trouble. If he is angry enough to say that, then he needs to step back, take a minute and think before he acts. The outcome will be better. Give him alternative ways to express his frustration or anger.

Answer 5

I agree with some of the others who say if you use soap or tobasco that will stop the problem.

Even more painful though (and therefore more effective) would be to not feed him for a day or maybe rub the tabasco in his eyes, or maybe stab him in the leg each time with a non fatal wound (That will DEFINATELY stop the behavior). None of these things will do any permanent physical damge, but will be cruel enuf to get him to shape up.

JUST CUZ SOMETHING CAN QUICKLY CHANGE A CHILDS BEHAVIOR DOES NOT MEAN IT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO TO CHANGE HIS BEHAVIOR.

By the way the idea of a "bad" word is about as outdated as soap in the mouth. Words cant even be bad (think about that for a few days). If you gave me any word that you think is bad I guarantee you I could use it in a sentence that was not offensive to anyone (unless they actually believe that certain letters put next to each other, independant of meaning, are evil in some way).

Words are just tools we use to reflect the thoughts in our minds. Are you gunna squirt floor cleaner into his head when he gets a "bad" thought.

If he is using the words to try to hurt some one it is the fact that he is trying to hurt someone that needs your attention, not the words he used to do.

Otherwise you are missing the whole point. It is like in the movies where it is ok to show someone cut someone elses head off but they bleep out the word @sshole that he says while killing the guy. Is it worse to kill or call some a "bad" name? According to our censors the bad words are worse than murder - literally. It is sad that we raise our kids to think this way. You are in danger of going down that road.

Good luck, and thanks for asking before making a mistake

Answer 6

Soap in the mouth is by CPS considered abuse. All he would have to do is tell a teacher he had to have soap in his mouth and you'd get turned in. Saying a "bad" word isn't the end of the world. And by virtue of the fact that it often happens in the home you can't blame the child. He did what he learned at home. The first and most important teachers in a child's life are his/her parents. What they learn in the home is going to stick with them for the rest of their lives. Changing it now isn't going to mean anything and punishing HIM for what is clearly the fault of his parents is not fair. The best you can do is to explain to him that you've allowed that kind of talk in the home by mistake and are trying to change it and that you HOPE he will go along with it and change his vocabulary as well. If anyone needs soap in their mouth it's the parents.

Answer 7

I'm not sure if you're a person of faith or not, yet here is what I would suggest (and did with my son).
Ask if he knows where (or who) bad things come from (hell or devil). Ask if bad words also come from that same place/person. Then ask where/who good things come from. And if bad words would come from a good place. Remind him he is a good boy, so his words should be the same. And if you have an example, you can remind him of when someone hurt him with harsh words.
Even tho your son is using grown-up talk, he is only six and still needs your guidance from right and wrong.
Making adjustments at home is a good idea as you stated. And I pray your husband safely returns home and you find strength to raise your family in the meantime!

Answer 8

Such a young child is merely searching for the boundaries of what is socially appropriate, and what they have personal freedom to do. Excessively harsh punishment will only harm their sense of trust in you, to be the kind parent. Punishment is certainly due, first by verbal education...

The best thing to do is teach the child exactly why swearing is used, why you don't like it, and have them think seriously if they want to lose control of their speech like that. Consistent parental disapproval is the greatest deterrent for young children, by young I mean those before the age of puberty. If you do not know why you don't like it entirely, then any education of the child will likewise be incomplete, and no certain results for the benefit of them could be achieved - any good would be accidental, and not fully conscience of their future well being.

To say that it's just ordinary words, is not accurate, otherwise aphasics would lose the ability to swear with the rest of their speech, and yes, for some people, fudge, means just as bad a thing as its alternative given that criteria... It is the loss of moderated speech, and ill intent, that is important to curb, not so much any specific word. Therefore if you teach thoughtful kindness is the goal in all things, then all thoughtless, and ill speech, will also disappear with the thoughts which generate them.

If anything harsh does happen to be required for punishment, in the case of severe disapproval being inadequate, then recall for a well disposed child becoming an adult, its been found to require up to 5* praise of their good, as condemnation of the bad. All while not allowing any misbehavior at all.

I would definitely not use soap, it was used once on me when I was younger than that, and I don't even recall why, but I do know that it's not conducive to a happy relationship between you and your child while that is in memory, especially if whatever was said was not willful defiance, so much as mere ignorance of your strong feeling toward it.

If you can't find patience for your child, preferably pro-actively, but at least retroactively, then don't expect them to have patience with you when they are trying to become adults after puberty. If you can have patience, while disallowing misbehavior, thoughtfully, then all will be fine, and do not worry.

We were always raised not swearing in my family, except my parents did in a few jokes, but never anywhere another word would have sufficed. I still don't swear, and my oldest sister doesn't, but my other 3 siblings who were/are more influenced by forces outside of the family upbringing, and are subject to pop culture more than personal conscience, do all swear, though not super abundantly.

God bless.

Answer 9

When my 7 yr daughter asked what f__k meant, I swallowed hard, and asked as casually as I could where she heard that word. From her twin brother....and he heard it from a kid at chess club!

I didn't freak out because I'm sure this would have made that word all the more enticing. What I told both the kids was that when you use hateful words like that, people don't respect you as much, and don't really listen to what you say. They hear the bad words, but don't hear the good that you have to say. And that people, when they hear you say bad words, tend to think of you differently, and not in a good way.

I haven't heard these words since then. It does help that my husband and I don't swear, so that's good that you're working on not saying those words at home.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Answer 10

Well, unless you are going to use soap on yourself when you let one slip I don't recommend it...Kids absorb and use everything they see and hear. They see mommy and daddy do it so it must be okay. Just watch what you say and do around all children. As for patience, when you feel yourself getting frustrated just stop for a moment take a deep breath and think about positive things. Everything good or bad has a positive.