should i move away for college or stay at home?

Question

I am 20 and going to a community college right now.I am torn about whether I should go away to a larger university and live in a dorm so I can make new friends and get a new atmosphere or to just go to the nearest univeristy and live with my parents...rent free.I have a boyfriend of three years that I plan to marry within the next few years and he would probably go wherever I do but i don't want to live together til we're married.(what's to look forward to then?) Anyway, I haven't made alot of friends at school and there aren't many options at work. I want to have the exciting "college experience" that everyone talks about. But I don't want to waste $30,000 just to get out and make friends when things could be alot easier if I stay at home.And the other thing is that I would feel gulity about leaving my mom. My dad died a few years ago and I don't want her to be lonely.I know i have to leave sometime and start my life, but i still feel bad. Any advice?

Answer 1

It all depends on your relationship with your mom. If she understands college life (I suppose she went through that too) and how it will fill up your entire schedule, then it's ok to stay with her. Otherwise, if your mom is like my mom (controlling and overprotective) and expects you to be at home as soon as your classes finish and insists that you study at home and not at school, then you should leave, even if it means you will spend $30000 because of it (your education will pay for it all anyway).
It is your choice, because family and personal life will definitely get in the way of your studies if you let it. Especially with you having a boyfriend, that will also add to the time spent outside of home. Sure, visiting your mom is great once in a while, but again, it all depends on your relationship with her. Moving out is not entirely about making friends, but for independence and freedom.

Answer 2

What is your basis for assuming the smaller, less expensive school will decrease your chances to get into med school. Did you hear this from the school you want to go to? Were you told this by the academic advisers? Really what you should look at is the actual programs from each school and see where they are different. If there are significant differences that might lead you to be unprepared for med school, then that's something to talk about. You should also be able to find information the percentage of pre-med students accepted to various medical schools. If money is a legitimate concern for you, don't minimize the value of going to a local state college. Many of them have very highly regarded programs, even if they don't have the prestige. Doing four years at a state school may save you tens of thousands of dollars, which means you will be in a much better position when you actually get into your career.

Answer 3

That's a tough one. I wouldn't go away to school and rack up so much debt JUST to make friends. However, if the school is a good school that you would benefit from in terms of your degree and getting a job, then it may be worth it. Is there a local college that you could move into a dorm, but still be close to home? That might work out best for you in your situation. I understand about wanting to be there for a parent. That's a huge reason why I never went to college.....my mom and dad rarely spoke and my mom's life was her kids. My sister was already out of the house and I was afraid to leave my mom alone. But, do you know what happened? I'm now 28 and I never went to college. I only hurt myself by doing that. That's great that you want to be there for your mom, but she's a grown adult. It's not your job to provide her a social life. She needs to find friends on her own.....through work, volunteering, joining a club or group, etc. You have to live your own life. Include your mother, too, but you need to stand on your own. Sometimes, the only way to break dependecy is to not enable someone to be dependent. If your mom is depending on you, then the best thing you could do would be to leave and she'd have no other choice but to make a life on her own. I don't mean to be heartless of course, but like I said, she shouldn't be depending on you for a social life. The school thing though....weigh the pros and cons of each, but I'd look into a closer college to where you could live in a dorm.

Answer 4

Have you considered going to a state school nearby and living in the dorms. I'm at college in the same city as my parents live, but I live in the dorms. Staying in the dorms is a huge part of the college experience, but it's nice to be at home and be able to see family whenever I want to. If you stay in-state, you can get in-state tuition and room and board which will usually only run you around $10,000. I'd say that's a good solution that provides you with the independence you want but the closeness to your mother you desire.

Answer 5

Normally, I would say you should go away to school - the experience is enriching in too many ways to describe. But I grew up in an area where no one paid their own way through college. I would not make your decision based on your plans to marry your boyfriend, but if going "away to school" is going to put you in debt, I would consider staying at home.

Making friends is important. If you are not a full time student, you should make every effort to be even if it means taking out student loans (at least you won't have to pay room and board expenses because you'll be at home). Being a full time student will allow you to be in class more, and be on campus even if you're not in class - just like being away. When you're not in class, you could be in the library, or at various student lounges, or the coffee places, etc. Also - try joining groups. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

I didn't have a choice to stay at home during college since my parents lived in a small town nowhere near anything. I loved having my own place and learning to deal with roommates and life during college. I think it is a great experience that everyone should have. I am married with kids now and I don't think I would have liked going from Mom and Dad's straight to being married. I think I needed that inbetween stage.

Answer 7

I am in favor of moving out - but I only did so because my home life was getting unbearable. I moved out as soon as I turned 18. Everything is much harder now, I have rent, bills, tuition (even though I got a 60% scholarship, it's still expensive) and the occasional random expense.

You should wait until you graduate to move out (I mean, community college is two years, right?) and even then, talk to your mom about it. There was this old lady in my neighborhood who moved in with another widow when her husband died - is that something your mom would be interested in? It helped because she always had someone to talk to.

Anyway, best of luck.

Answer 8

DON'T SPEND THE EXTRA MONEY - YOU HAVE IT GOOD. You really can't have the true "college" experience if you have an exclusive boyfriend anyways. Also, that "college" experience may end up making you and your boyfriend break up. If you want to make friends, join a club or something - but don't spend and waste all that money for stupid friends that you probably won't know in 10 years anyways.

Answer 9

Go and get the experience. This is the only time in your life you'll have to do this - you have the rest of your life to be a devoted wife and daughter and mother, but now is your time to develop YOURSELF.

Yes, it will be hard and scary and challenging out there - but that is how you grow and develop new life skills. Go start your life and discover everything out there - then, when you come back in five or ten years, you'll have so much more to offer your mom and boyfriend and everyone.

Answer 10

I wanted an exciting experience also. Now I am 25 working toward my associates degree. That's how exciting my experiences were. College is what you make of it. If you can't make very many friends at a small college, how will that change at a big university? Make sure your priorities are in order. (College degree)