HELP.. How can I stop my, nearly 4 year old grand-daughter from talking back and shouting at her mother.?

Question

her parents split up when she was 1year old, they both live at home and she is driving me mad.. My daughter just shouts at her there doesn't seem to be a solution, please help me..

Answer 1

The problem is your daughter, not the child. Kids don't just come that way out of the womb. They become that way by observing the examples set by their parents...in this case, YOUR daughter.


You state that your daughter just yells at her....so with that as an example, just how do you expect the grandchild to behave?


Your daughter needs to take some parenting classes and learn how to be a proactive and competent parent, otherwise, she has a future delinquent on her hands and it will be all her fault her daughter turned out that way.


My Mother always said "Some people's kids...." and she was right.

Answer 2

I am guessing this is excessive and not the normal toddler talking back every now and then. I would punish her but really it's the mothers reasonability to not allow her to do this. Yelling at a 4 year old generally never works. You might sit down with your daughter and come up with a plan the two of you could do together. There are many ways to punish from spanking to time out to take something away she likes just make sure she can earn it back. Her mother really needs to get a handle on this while she is still young it will be 100 times worse when she is a teenager. Do the best you can as a Grandmother the real responsibility lies with your daughter. If they are living in your house then call a family meeting. Explain to your daughter and granddaughter that yelling and talking back are not allowed anymore give her consequence for her actions and stick to them. Another idea is after everyone has calmed down sit down with the 4 year old and explain to her that she needs to listen to her mom and talking like that is mean and hurts you and her mother have her go say she is sorry to her mom. I would hope the mother would also say she was sorry for yelling. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Beat her until she can't grow anymore!!!

No, no, just kidding. Violence should never enter the equation.

The child is just emulating behavior already witnessed in the home.

I believe Supernanny's website can help in this area.

Sounds like she could do with some time in a "naughty" corner, circle, etc.. When she acts up, Mom should place her in the designated "naughty" area away from toys, TV, etc.. If she bolts, keep placing her back, all the while no eye contact and no communication of any kind. Be persisitent. She'll get the message that she's not going to win the battle and just go ahead and serve her time.

Afterwards (she recommends 1 minute times the age of the child), Mom should get down to eye level with the child, calmly (no shouting) letting the child know why she was put there, that her behavior is disrespectful, unacceptable, and will not be tolerated, and that an apology (a sincere one) is in order before she can leave the "naughty" area. After the child relents and complies, Mom should give her a "thank you", a hug, and a "I love you".

Answer 4

At four years old, even she is a strong willed child, she is a blank slate.
She has tendencies, but they can be controlled, but it will take tough love.
First thing that has to stop is modeling the behavior we do not want the child to adopt. Children do what they see ups do, not what we say. So you daughter has to stop disciplining your granddaughter by yelling, the message she is giving is "this is how we communicate, more volume gets you heard"
Second thing for both you and your daughter get some ear plugs. You will no longer recognize her in any way when she screams, family life goes on around her until she calms down. If you allow her to emotionally blackmail the family you are lost, in allowing the child to control the family no one person should be greater than the family as a whole.

Lastly for all the adults model the communication style with each other you want her to adopt, That mean s no more yelling by the adults in home.
Hope this helps

Answer 5

Your daughter is probably depressed, and could use some counseling. Your grand daughter is acting out in the only way she knows how, to deal with her parents split and her mother's possible depression. Kids are very sensitive to these things.

You as a grandmother, need to show your daughter how to properly discipline her daughter, before she gets totally out of hand. The child will push, and push to get what she wants, when she wants it. Kids will take attention any way they can get it, negative, or positive. If mom gives in, just to appease the child, then the bad behavior will continue.

Sit your daughter down, tell her you understand she is under a lot of stress, but that does not mean she can let her child get out of control. She absolutely MUST be consistant with discipline, or it will be a complete bust, by confusing the child. And the child will only get more and more out of control.


Your grandaughter could also be very angry at her mother for "sending daddy away". (I don't know the situation, so I am speculating here.) Therefore yelling at mommy to express the anger the only way she knows how. Play therepy is a wonderful way to get kids to express their feelings, and dissapate the anger, once it is understood. Sit her down with a few dolls that represent mommy, daddy, and grandma, and see what she does. You may learn a lot from that. As a last resort for the grandaughter you may need to get her in to therapy with her mother after a point, when mom is ready, and the therapist thinks she is.

She's a small child, and is just having a hard time understanding and dealing with these changes in her life, and acting out as a result.

Hope this helps

Answer 6

Wow, that can be a problem but there is one solution which really works. shouting at her mother means that she feels neglected and that she feels that her mother is the cause of her problems. So making tandrums is a way for her to release her anger. What you can do is changing her environment, giving her something that soothes her.
For example, buy her wooden house, and she could paint it with nail varnish. You and your daugher should try to give her more attention, by doing more play toghether games. You are right, shouting is not the right thing. It may make your daughter feel better, but your granddaughter will learn that she will get attention only in this way by acting wild and making a theatre. Please do not forget, at the age of 4-7, all the children are very noisy. Sometimes parents overreact. and the child thinks 'what have I done wrong again'.

Answer 7

There is a very easy solution.... Stop your daughter shouting at the child. She is only responding to the behaviour she sees. Your granddaughter should not be driving you mad, it is your daughter who is doing it! Be the adult here for petes sake, tell your daughter her parenting skills are s**t, and you will not put up with it. I was parented very badly, I vowed that my kids would be raised differently, they too are now parents and raising their children well. As ye sow so shall ye reap, and I'm not religious, Show this poor child some love and respect, children respond to what they see and hear, do not blame her for copying the behaviour of the mother. If you fail to address this you are no better than she.

Answer 8

First, you can't do anything. It's something her mommy has to address. And you give a really good clue when you say that your daughter shouts at her. Your grandchild is learning from an expert.
Ask your daughter to listen to herself and tell her that it is upsetting for you to see her unhappy. Tell her you understand how she is feeling. Say that you realize this is a bad time for both of them, that you love them both very much and that you'd like to help in any way you can.
Then suggest that you act as a go-between for a few days. In other words, you take over the discipline and give your daughter a break. She'll see how you act, and react, and may be guided toward another response. Your grandchild may be so surprised at the change that she'll respond very well. Explain that she needs to talk to mommy in a respectful manner, just like you do.

Answer 9

Consistent discipline will solve this. A 4-year-old child is naturally inclined to test whatever boundaries are in place. It's a test to see how much they can get away with. This is a perfectly normal part of how a child learns to act in the real world. This takes the form of back-talk, arguing, whining, defiance, and other "bad" behavior. It's not actually "bad", it's a signal from the child that they need to know how far they're allowed to go.

Your response to this should be consistent consequences for actions that occur outside the boundaries you've set (assuming you've set some to begin with). First, decide what is and isn't acceptable, and what the consequences are for unacceptable behavior. Then tell them. They won't understand at first, but as you consistently apply what you've told them, they will eventually learn. It can be maddening, but that's why book after book has been written on the subject of child-rearing. "Consequences" can be as simple as time in a corner, not giving them a snack they want, limiting their time with a favorite toy, and other similar measures. Read up on the subject of child discipline, and make your own determination. Just remember that the goal is to teach and train, not to retaliate. Stay calm, and remember that you are the one in charge, not the child.

As for your daughter: She needs to start acting like a mom, and not the child's sibling. The yelling needs to stop, and the routines I outlined above are arguably her job, not yours.

Answer 10

As a mother of a 4 year old that loves to talk back, I just explain to her how it makes me feel, and that she feels the same way when I don't listen to her. When she does it, put her in time out (have her mom do it when you are not around as well). After she stops screaming and is quiet, while in time out, go talk to her, explain what happened, and how it made our daughter feel, and have your daughter tell her as well. Maybe use examples of how not listening and yelling, that she has received made her feel as well. And, above all else, do not talk back and yell at her. It makes things work as children do not follow the advice "Do as I say, not as I do". Lead by example, but it has to be enforced by your daughter as well. And she will regret it if she doesnt enforce it, as she will have a teenager some day, and that will not help her change. If your daughter does not want to reinforce what you are doing, then remind her, she will raise a child who will act like that as an adult, and that is nothing to be proud of.