My Family is driving me nuts , need opinions?

Question

I am 26 , my dad and his new wife have 8 kids , my dad asked me to come stay and help w/ getting the kids up in the morning , feeding clothing , laundry and bossing kids into doing chores (wich often means threatening) , while he and his wife work , but when they get home i continue to be on call , it was originally to be in lieu of rent to do these things for a basement aprtment for me and my son , but then they changed their mind and put me in a small room upstairs , i was orginally supposed to come and go as i please after 6 , no i need permission , and my dad has started saying that i must ask every night my boyfriend stays over , which i humilateingly enough do , which i dealt with then he started saying that my bf couldnt stay over unless he was (my dad at home) my bf is a school teacher , dresses acts professional is out of the house by 5 every morning , he helps with chores , the kids and helps clean the house w/ me. Does this sound a bit unfair ?

My Dad ASKED me to come help then started the in lieu of rent thing , he and his wife work during the week , i go to my bf's house on weekends , i have my own income , my own buisness and i really love my family and my dad but i question the validity of what is going on. I can and would live outside this home , but i want to help my family.

Answer 1

changing the rules on you is unfair.

you need the agreement in writing - preferably the ORIGINAL agreement.

I don't know, but i suspect that your Dad will keep changing the rules and infringing on your life till you move out - or at least tell him you are going to move out unless everything goes back to the original rules.

i think when he sees you packing and calling about other places to live, he will agree to write out the original rules.

THEN - you have to stand up for yourself when he tries to bend the rules his way.

Answer 2

Give someone control of an individuals money, and you have effectively enslaved that person.

You have become his X wife! That's gotta be painful.

Do you have the courage to leave?

Rest assured, this family isn't going to fall apart because you make them take care of their own life they chose. If you stay, you are creating a co dependency as the live in nanny who diminishes your own dignity

Also, a boyfriend who allows himself to sleep over in your dad's home? It not only makes me question his self respect, but more importantly, his actions diminishes your value to be taken seriously when you demand that your step mom and dad honor the original agreement.

Don't let the love for your siblings (maternal instincts) blind you from this truth. These children will do quite well without you. The youngest sibbling mistakingly calling you mommy, yet?

Also, being 26 doesn't mean that you still don't hope he will give you recognition that you are daddy's little girl. Don't let that blind you, either.

Your child will grow up to do and think based on what your actions are, because that's all they know, so get out of there while you still can.

You are less than 4 years away from being 30. There is age discrimination in the work force. You have to establish financial stability by working in the real world at this time in your life.

Answer 3

Entirely unfair. Move out and let them hire a nanny. Taking care of 8 children in addition to your own, and then needing permission to go out or be with your boyfriend is worth far more than "rent" on a tiny bedroom.

Answer 4

I agree .... leave fast! It is unfair. You are an adult and its sounds like he is treating you like a child. Tell him to watch his own 8 kids if he doesn't agree with your rules that you set. I have lived with my parents and now rent a condo from them since they got another house. They came over invading my privacy. Yeah its their condo but I make my due and I pay them with rent and watching my little sister but I made it clear that they don't tell me what to do or who should come over or not. Tell them ok its after 6 bye im off duty.

Added : You have your own money and everything. Thats good. Tell your father your doing HIM a favor so he can't tell you what to do and that you don't feel comfortable about him being all up in your space about your boyfriend. i'd just say : I'm helping you out. I can move out now but I dont want to because I love you guys. If you can't give me space ... like telling what to do and not to do. Not letting me off at 6 and I dont want to tell you if my boyfriend is spending the night or not. That my business nothing I need to tell you. If you want it that way I am moving out. Don't try to say I didnt try to help.

Answer 5

well, explain to your Dad why you think it is unfair and that you cannot do it anymore without some changes. Then say, if these changes cannot be implimented you will have to leave. I bet he would rather loosen up on the rules than lose a great babysitter/nanny and a daughter. Be honest and make him understand that he has a lot to lose by being unfair.

Answer 6

First of all, how old are you? If you are over 18, you should not have to submit to that stuff. If you like the job you are doing in lieu of the room you live in, then I guess you will have to do as your boss/dad says.

Answer 7

Yes it is unfair and going against his verbal "contract" with you. Rather then get into a big fight with him and have everyones feelings hurt just tell him it's time you got a place of your own. Of course you can offer to help whenever you can and maybe even set a firm day that you are always there to help give them a break.

You need your own space since he didn't give you any like he promised. Besides you have a child of your own to take care of.

Answer 8

At some point in your life, your family becomes you, your spouse, and your children.

If you do not get out of this situation now (or yesterday), you are going to end up on very bad terms with your father, his new wife, your boyfriend, your son..... and more importantly you!

Take care of yourself first. If you can't do that, how can you help anyone else???

Answer 9

You just need to tell him that you agreed to certain conditions when you accepted their offer but the conditions have changed and are no longer meeting your needs (just like you would with any other job). Give them notice and move out. It is not your fault that they are in this situation. They decided to have these kids and they are responsible for getting their household taken care of, not you. Good luck.

Answer 10

yes very unfair, I would either say I feel like I'm being mistreated or that it's unfair and based on the response I got I would determine if staying is alright or if leaving is a better choice.


best of luck, you tried helping, just doesn't seem like it's working out that well =/ keep your head up!!