Is my boyfriend too old and what should I do about it?

Question

I'm 18 years old and my boyfriend is 30. We're 12 years a part. Is 12 years older too old? I've asked a few questions on here now and I've encountered a few really mean people. If you don't have anything constructive to say please don't answer this. Don't call me names and tell me to go **** myself. Because that really isn't going to help me out. I'm really attached to my boyfriend and I love his personality and we get along really great. I'd hate to break up with him just because he's a lot older than me. But if you really put it into perspective, I'm going to college really soon and he's got a job and a kid from his first marriage. We're at different points in our lives. What should I do about this?

Answer 1

It only seems huge right now dear. As long as you DO go to college and you are developing yourself then be with the man your heart desires. There's no reason in the world you shouldn't be with this guy. It's legal. Remember one thing though. Your relationship with him is between you and him. There should be no outsiders that can break that bond. That said, never lose your head or your judgement. There are plenty of people in your situation. If age is the only thing you have to worry about then you really don't have much to worry about do you? As long as you connect mentally and spiritually and its an equal relationship you're good hon. Good Luck.

Answer 2

Is 12 years too much? It depends. The difference between 18 and 30 is huge. The difference between 30 and 42 not so much.

at 18 you are about to go through a lot of changes that will take you into the direction of who you are meant to be as a woman (not that you aren't an adult now).

When I was 19 I was with someone in their 30's and at first it was great. I felt special and mature and I was shown a world that another 19 year old would never been able to show me. And I liked the confidence of someone who was older because the early 20s are just so damn confusing. But after 4 years I just felt-i don't know-limited and stuck. Looking back I was just going through age appropriate behavior-but it was always framed that I was somehow immature. I felt that I wasn't really able to figure out who I was and I felt trapped. I felt like I had the life of an old married couple-and there wasn't even step-kids in the picture.
Do I regret the relationship. Honestly, I did for a long time. I'm now with someone my own age and it is just so much easier. I don't feel like I have to fight so much just to be myself.

Answer 3

The law doesn't recognize any problem with it. You're an adult. He's an adult. He's just been an adult much longer than you.

It is too old for exactly the reason you listed. You're at such different points in your life that compatibility is tougher, interests are going to change, and certainly schedules are going to present a problem. He's settled and your just beginning your journey.

Should you break up with him? My instinct is to say yes. Through no fault of his own he will end up holding you back. You won't experience life and all that comes with it because of him. Frankly, I think circumstances will eventually make it too difficult to continue.

And while I'm sure you're a great person, I have to ask what does a 30 year old see in or have in common with an 18 year old other than the obvious. Are you his mid-life crisis?
Not too mention how do your friends and his friends get along.

It may be great in the short term, but long term just doesn't seem like it could work.

Answer 4

Well, falling in love with an older man is not at all uncommon. At least he's younger than your father. And he's single, isn't he?

Seriously, if you love him and he loves you, what does age have to do with it? Age differences in love relationships are only considered taboo (and a crime!) when the younger person of the two is a minor (14 below). That would constitute to corruption of a minor. You'll find as you get older that age differences in love relationships does not matter as long as you love each other; if you enjoy talking with each other; if you love each other's company; enjoy doing things together; etc. etc. The hell with what other people think! What matters is what both of you feel and think. Okay?

Another thing... TIME WILL TELL. Yes, since you're going off to college it's fair to assume that you'll be spending time apart. Well, if it's really love you feel for him and him for you, then it should be obvious that you'll be "saving yourself for him" and vice-versa. (I guess this is the complication that you referred to in your question). Now if this does not happen (meaning you find out that he's been dating others or vice-versa) then it was not meant to be.

Does he want you to not go to college and marry you instead? I guess not. Because it would be unfair to you. You've got to complete your college education first, girl! Now, if after you've graduated and you both feel the same about each other then fine! Happy ending. End of story.

Answer 5

Ok, Yes an 18 year old dating a 30 year old is too much. I have had personal experience with this. My son's father is 13 1/2 years older than me. It was good in the beginning but it slowly went sour. When I wanted to do something with friends or go do something fun, he was tired and didnt like my freinds. There is such a generational gap between the years that things you enjoy or might want to do in the future maybe he's already done or is so set in his ways that he wont want to do them.
You are 18 and starting college, you have so much more to experience in life. Dont tie yourself down to him. He's been through all the stuff your going through. I think you should let him go and go to college and live your life. Let him find someone his own age, and you can find someone that enjoys the things you like and someone that will experience all that with you.

Answer 6

Honestly, I've seen this situation a few times. It really is not healthy.
The 2 friends I'm with with much younger gfs are usually not happy. They feel like babysitters.
They let their girls do whatever they want, drink, go out at all hours, and the such. But they themselves feel trapped. Because one has a kid with one, and the other almost never sees her.
On the converse side (which is RARE). You might not go through a drinking/party phase. This is good and all, but you'll miss a little part of life meeting a lot of people. Keep in mind, most couples have much more limited socilization than when they were single.
Best of luck and I wish you well in your decision.

Answer 7

i think in MY OPINION that it is too old. it makes him look like a pedophile, even if you are 18. Personally, I don't date older than 4 years, but my parents are 7 years apart. Maybe you should take a break from him and see if you can't find someone your own age or around your age. You are more likely to get stares and comments from people on the outside looking in. I believe that the relationship won't last because like you said, you're at "different points in life". he may want to settle down soon and you're only 18..what to do then?

Answer 8

I consider Desarie. There could be some clarification for the separation interior the 1st place. you would be able to ought to think of by way of' that and spot what's the potential for the separation happening back. Does your ex-boyfriend has a modern female pal. in specific situations loneliness can tension a individual to precise love. in case you have particularly made up your strategies approximately going back on your ex, there is no sturdy thank you to offload a individual with out hurting the guy. yet make a sparkling ruin so as that he don't have fake hopes or attempt to get u back. Time will heal him. desire you a tender crusing with the two determination you're making.

Answer 9

I am 35 and married to a 53 yr old man we love each other and have nothing standing in our way so i can say from experience that if u love each other and there is nothing standing in ur way as far as wanting to go to college then i say don't worry about what others think or say it is ur life after all no one can tell u who to love just make sure not to let ur dreams of school be left behind ur education is something u will always have even if u don't have him.

Answer 10

The only issue I could see is that you're going to be on different levels in your lives. You're going to want to different things and have much different levels of experience.
You also have to question, why did he and his previous wife get a divorce? Is this a situation you feel like you should get into? Do you really want to be a step-mother at 18? Is he maybe just with you because you're young and naive?