Put your self inside the shoes of adoptees.?

Question

a. Would you rather be poor and stay with your birthmm, it might be that you have walk to class, wear people hand me downs..
b. Would you rather be adopted into a wealthy family, without ever knowing your birth parents, but you can have whatever you want?

I know this question is pretty much black and white, and real life adoption is probably different, the reason I want to ask this question is because of adoptees' answer on my previous question, many of those people would actually prefer not being adopted when they're young

The reponds from the adoptees I got so far, majority prefer to be poor but stuck with their bio moms. Could it be blood is still thicker?

Answer 1

My first mother wasn't poor she was a respectable middle class medical student

Given the choice I would have stayed with my own mother, of course! rich or poor

I have visited many poverty stricken countries of the world and seen some of the poorest people, who funnily enough, have been some of the happiest, family oriented people I've ever met. Family is everything and yes, blood is thicker . . .

That is not to say I don't love my adoptive parents, or had a 'bad experience' I lived a priviledged life and had an average 'normal' adoption experience. But given the choice I would have preferred to be 'stuck with my bio mom' as you so delicately put it, I think if any baby could state a preference, it would be a no-brainer - baby wants mommy hands down.

I'm sure my babies would agree. I mean if I told my five year old "mommy loves you so much darling, I just love you so much so that is why I'm going to give you to a lovely couple who are alot richer than mommy, ok? I'm just thinking of what is best for you" I'm sure my child would NOT be jumping for joy at my selfless act of love. In fact I can guarantee they would be sobbing.

A substitute mother can be nice, but it's just not the same (shock, horror, I'm rather fond of my substitute mother but she is no replacement for the real thing)

Answer 2

I would rather be poor and stay with my birth family. I think that being poor is a lame excuse to give up your child. I was adopted and feel there are many reasons for adoption that stink. Anyway back in the 50's and 60's being unwed and pregnant was looked at differently than it is today. From what I was told that is when the girl was shipped off to some far off relative until the child was born and after the adoption was allowed to return home, telling everyone that she was helping an ill relative. Sometimes the adoptive parents are worse than being poor and having to walk to class in the old hand me downs.

Answer 3

People may prefer their blood relatives not only for the blood factor, but that they don't necessarily just care about having "whatever you want." Please remember that asking someone whether or not they want to be given up in the first place brings into question not only blood--maybe not even mainly blood--but the question of being wanted or being rejected in the first place. Adoptees, given to loving adoptive families or not, face a certain amount of this pain at some point in their lives. It is very evident in many of the answers, in fact. (It's more about rejection/being able to go back to what was left behind/taken than blood.)

However, even so, your question compares apples to fish boats. There are two different issues here, and the "rich" angle is a poor attempt to offset the feeling of rejection adoptees feel (again to some degree). If you would have stated the question differently, say that the birth parents would be abusive and the adoptive parents would be kind, loving, supportive, you might get VERY different answers. After all...when it comes down to it, isn't BEING A PARENT about TAKING CARE OF/RAISING the child? Giving BIRTH is about having sex and conceiving (and now that abortion is legal, choosing to go through with the result).

Blood really has nothing to do with it. Other than organ transplants, blood means nothing if that is all you have.

I am an adoptee, and the fact is the parents I got were wonderful. I wasn't rich--by far--but I was loved and cared for. If I'd had the chance way back, would I have wanted my birth mother to be able to afford/care for me? Sure. But she couldn't, and in the end, blood really means nothing. The woman and man who truly gave me my life are the two who signed the papers. They are the ones that held me through my ear infections, and countless bad dreams. They are the ones who saw me to my first day in kindergarten, and my graduation from college. They are the ones who did all the little and big things for me, with me, as I grew. THEY ARE my mother and my father.

Blood and scads of money are irrelevant--and in fact, your question really IS ignorant and an offensive simplification of what goes into both giving up and adopting a baby, as well as what an adoptee might be thinking ("Let's see, blood or money?") when faced with being adopted. (As if they ever had a choice...)

I find it VERY interesting that a good number of actual adoptees answering this question do not like it. Many of their abandonment issues come out, and some just flat out are self-aware enough to see the flaw in this question outright. Might be something to think about....

Answer 4

I can't answer for everyone, but I can answer for me and that's what you want. I don't have to imagine, I'm an adoptee. I would rather be cared for/loved and have what I need (shelter, food, etc)--if not what I want. So, my answer would depend on who is able and willing to provide these things? My parents (I don't refer to them as "adoptive parents", they are simply my parents) provided this and I can't imagine life without them. However, if birth parents can and will provide this, than that's great too. To sum it up, as an infant, I would rather be lovingly rocked to sleep than crying it out in a dark/lonely room....filled with pricey toys and fancy clothes galore. Forget the pony, I'll take love--which doesn't require blood or money.

Answer 5

what adoptees have to realize is that it isnt just being poor and living with your real parents, i am putting my baby up for adoption and poor isnt the problem, we are so poor that if i had those expenses as well i would be on the street. if it was just the fact of living a little less i would probably keep him although that tears at me some too.

Answer 6

The family that adopted me is not rich; I never had a pony or a horse, though I’d loved to have had one. I didn’t get a fancy car when I turned 16. I didn’t have top of the line clothing etc. It helped that i'm not and never have been that big of a materialistic person.

If you take away the money issues would I have picked to stay with birthmother or be adopted into the family that adopted me? I would pick to be adopted into the family that adopted me. My birthmother was a drug addict I can no doubt thank her for some of my learning disabilities and having epilepsy when I was younger. Even going beyond her; why would I choose to be raised by her when her own family didn’t accept me for being a mixed raced baby?

When it comes down to it, it really has nothing to do with money. Of course I’m thankfully I didn’t stay with her as she was often homeless and who knows the scum she probably hung out with because of her addictions. I will say this I wouldn’t have chosen to be adopted by a family that was rich over the one that adopted me. I do agree money does not buy love.

Blood is overrated. It’s the spirit and soul that is everlastingly

BTW - Good post littleJaina's.

Answer 7

Since I was relatively poor (at least certainly not well off) walking to school, wearing my uncle's hand me downs and the like... And that was with my adoptive family... It's not much of a contest, is it? I mean, how do I answer this? I love my adoptive family. But I wasn't really better off than if my nmom had kept me. So if I had to go back and do it all over? Well, I'd still be an infant and not get a say.

Which brings us back to one of the big problems with adoption: adults making decisions for children that are in the best interests of the adults. When the child grows up and raises questions, he's told that he isn't allowed to know about the past, that he's ungrateful, that he's ruining it for everyone else, that... yada yada yada...

Answer 8

If black individuals are given the comparable opportunities as white individuals... who with the aid of ways would desire to artwork learn pay unjust taxes... consume rice and beans ... stay in undesirable housing ... are on welfare, ...they'll pass with people who will help develop their lives... I hate that once races are categorised as this or that once in fact it aint unavoidably so... being on welfare is not any relaxing... any thinking black guy or woman could take a sturdy guidance a sturdy paying interest...over a hand out. oh specific there are lazy open exceeded individuals of all hues yet i dont purchase that bs that blacks could vote for some deceived guy or woman who needs to grant in fact extra of what they have already got... what do you think of uncle government will provide to black individuals... a mansion with slaves, each and all of the chocolates of this international... provide me a destroy and supply them extra credit than that moronic thinking...

Answer 9

If there's one thing the frequent posters on these boards have made clear, it's that, as littleJaina wrote, "adoption isn't really all that clear cut." I don't really think that the "rich family/ poor family" issue would really have any influence on what someone would have rather had chosen for them.

It just seems obvious to me that, given the choice between two equally stable and loving home lives - one being with a natural family and one being with an adopted family, everybody would choose the natural family, hands down - regardless of the financial status of either.

Answer 10

I am adopted, i love my family, they were not rich, this is not about money, sorry you think it is, i would not want any family but the one i have, i always knew i was adopted along with my 5 siblings, it made us feel extra special, we had 2 incredible parents there are no better parents for any of us, we were meant to be together, i hate your question and do not understand the point you are trying to make

Answer 11

Poor with bio mom. Hands down!

But get this, I was raised by lower middle class adoptive parents, and given away by a mother from a very wealthy family.

Why was is supposed to be 'better'? Married parents.