I am a 24 yr old divorcee with a 4 yr old daughter. Since getting divorced my ex has seen her a few times but that was a long time ago. He stopped being a part of her life a long time ago. My boyfriend and I are hopelessly in love. We plan on getting married soon and my daughter absolutely ADORES him, she accidently calls him daddy and has told me that she wants him to be her "pretend dad". Nobody has told her or even brought it up, this is her idea completely. Between all the time together, the things he does for her and the love they have, he is preactically her father now. She loves her dad but talks little of him anymore. I don't want to try and replace her father at all but if she looks at him like another father is it wrong to allow her to call him dad if that's what she wants? P.S. I was raised by my step father and look at him as my real dad, no competition.
2007-11-08 06:42:37 · 20 answers · asked by jade4e83 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
If you were not serious about your boyfriend, I would see this as a problem because your daughter would suffer greatly if this man was no longer a part of your life or hers. Since you say that you will be getting married soon, I think that this is actually the best thing for everyone. My best friend has a terrible relationship with her biological father. She is having her step-dad walk her down the aisle next fall because he has always been more like a father to her. I'm glad that you found a man who can love your little girl as much as he loves you.
2007-11-08 07:02:51 · answer #1 · answered by orangeflameninja 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you should stop letting her call him daddy immediately. Unless the two of you plan on getting married and are certain the marriage would work, don't let her call him daddy.
It's one thing to be raised by a step dad who's been a big part of your life and consider him dad, but you do not want to confuse your daughter especially if this is only a boyfriend and if her real dad is still in her life, even somewhat. It's not fair to confuse her. And she's only 4! she doesn't really know what she wants.
2007-11-08 07:01:33 · answer #2 · answered by chrisa7584 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
there are a few ways you could look at that. yes if she is already calling him dad and he has no problem with it then fine as long as its on her terms and no one Else's. I was raised by to dads and i loved them both the same and what one couldn't do the other would so it was great. I even have two different names for them now that I'm older I call my biological dad father or daddy and i call my step-dad, dad and daddy if im being a suck.
2007-11-08 08:29:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if her real father really isnt going to be in the picture and your boyfriend plans on staying around its fine. just do make sure as she gets older she does understand fully that he is not her actual dad. if there is a chance her real father is going to be involved in her life talk to him about it. my husband has a little girl, and he hasnt always been able to be there for her because her mother has custody and doesnt allow him to take her that often, and now he is in the military, her mother had a boyfriend who lived with her and allowed her to call him daddy and now she calls her father(my husband)daddy mike, and it really hurts him. but i understand her wanting to i was raised by a stepfather too and consider him my father since my real father stepped out as soon as i was born
2007-11-08 06:52:19 · answer #4 · answered by daisycm 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If the botfriend has no problem with it than neither should you. I know the boat you are in. I had 2 girls and their biological fathers had nothing to do with them. At the time, my oldest was 4 and youngest 2. Anyway, they don't remember anyone other than my now husband as being their dad. They called him dad since about 2 weeks into the relationship. He has since adopted them. Relax, they say kids have the best intuition!
2007-11-08 06:52:57 · answer #5 · answered by baybedoll1977 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If her real father is not apart of her life I see nothing wrong with it. As long as ur 4 yr old know she has a biological father. I see nothing wrong with it, especially if u 2 are getting married. Good luck!
2007-11-08 06:48:12 · answer #6 · answered by ღStarzzღ 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your ex is her father, your boyfriend can be her daddy. Just make sure you marry the boyfriend. A third 'father' figure entering into the mix could really confuse the girl.
2007-11-08 06:51:08 · answer #7 · answered by fetuskiller24 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Why not let her love him for who he really is?
A really good stepparent/stepchild bond is something so much more special than a parent/child bond.
A stepparent/stepchild relationship is a *chosen* relationship, not one that exists merely because the parent was involved in the conception. It should be honored as something special and wonderful - a person who loved you so much that they chose to be in your life.
Your boyfriend should be proud of his place in her life as her stepparent. Your daughter should feel especially loved that he has stepped into that role in her life.
Wear the stepparent title with pride!
2007-11-08 07:00:29 · answer #8 · answered by Maureen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
would not count number approximately marriage, your opinion would not count number. Its up to your bf, tell him that your daghter reported that, and ask him if he's pleased with being stated as daddy. Then tell your daughter if its ok or no longer.
2016-10-01 21:59:43 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you get married, then he will be her step-dad and it would be fine, especially if her biological dad isn't in the picture. Maybe he could adopt her and then he'd be her "real dad" not just a "pretend dad". But if you two are just dating and not serious, then I would discourage it. Her heart would be too broken if you split up.
2007-11-08 07:55:32 · answer #10 · answered by kat 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋