Please help with my 5 year old daughter?

Question

My daughter has a very out-going personality - when she is with me or her Dad. However, she was recently asked to go to tea after school with a friend. When she got there, she wouldn't go into the house, saying that she was scared and wanted her Mom. It was very embarrassing as the Mother had to bring her home. She has now been asked to another friends house after school. She said that she wanted to go and I explained to the child's mother what had happened last time. As soon as we were home, my daughter said that she didn't want to go and again said that she was scared. She can't tell me what she is scared of and it is very, very frustrating for me and her dad. I know that if she decides to go, I will get a phone call to pick her up as soon as she gets there. We have tried everything that we can think of, to make her more confident about going to new places but nothing seems to work. There seems to be some underlying issue of anxiety, which I don't really understand. Help!!

Answer 1

Have you ever gone to these friends house's? Maybe you can go with her the first time to let her know it is okay. My guess is you have taught her about never going in to a strangers house and this house is strange to her. She needs you check it out first. Yes, it is embarrassing, but she is actually being cautious about strangers and that is a good thing. Call the other mother and explain that you would like to accompany her on her first visit or at least take her there and go inside for a few minutes. Children with anxiety don't always know what they are scared of or how to express it. Take it slow, she will learn.

Answer 2

Sounds like separation anxiety. Some children go through periods where they suddenly hate to be separated from mum and dad. It often happens at around age 5 and usually it happens when they are droped off at school , but it is not unusual for children to feel this way about any new place including friend´s houses even if they know the poepl really well.

If she is o.k. in all other respects I`d advise leaving these visits that cause anxiety for the moment. It could be just a passing phase (I`ve seen it many times) and the best thing to do is break the cycle of her anxious thoughts. If she doesn`t NEED to be somewhere then don`t take her. The idea being that the phase will pass naturally and that the anxiety will be forgotten.

If things get worse or the situation is prolonged more than a couple of months then you might want to try encouraging her on short visits or accompanied visits.

I usually find that the best way to cope with small children´s anxiety is to de-dramatize things .

Answer 3

I dont think it's weird...at 5 someone elses house can be scary. Why dont you invite her friend for tea at your house first?
Also, ask an understanding Mom..perhaps the Mom of the girl who first invited your daughter...if you can try again. Ask if you can come in too, have a coffee and then go. It'll ease her into the situation a bit more.

Answer 4

Have you thought about maybe going with her to the friends house? That way she can go to her friends house and you can know that she is ok. Maybe do this a couple of times and then when she is asked again after that dont go with her or maybe take her there and drop her off (awkward I know). I think its all just trial and error. She is still only 5.

Answer 5

Hi,

I wouldn't worry too much as I was the same as a toddler! It just that I was so attached to my mum and dad and felt a bit isolated without them.

One of the best ideas I have is to ask her friends mum if you can meet up with them for a coffee one weekend ect and go with your little girl. Go into the house and let them have a play and try to let her know that there is nothing to be afraid off. The first time you go to the house, stay with her, the second time pop out for 30 mins whilst she is playing with her friend and so on ... just ease her into it and she should be fine.

She just still has some seperation anxiety and this worries her. Maybe invite her friends over to YOUR house first so she can play with them and build a strong bond so she knows not to worry too much.

Good luck!

Lx

Answer 6

My brother in 3rd grade is like this. He would plan to sleep over at a friend's house and stay until about 9:00. It's called seperation anxiety and whenever this happens, you could go with her so she won't have to leave.

Answer 7

Is she okay at school and such things? My youngest who is only 2 and a half will not go anywhere without me or his dad. At home he is very loud and bossy with his older sisters, but hates being away from us. I tried him at pre school but he hated it so much i was only away half an hour.
My eldest was like this too, but by the time she began nursery school at 3 she was okay but she always wanted me to stay with her at friends houses or birthday parties.
Now she is almost 8 and generally no problems anywhere at all but she does like me and we are very close and she prefers me to stay when possible but she is 'happy' alone!
I suggest you stay and maybe pop out for half an hour, then extend the time that you are away from her.
She will be fine by the time she is a teenager thats for sure!

Answer 8

Hmm, well I used to be like that when I was younger. I'm very outgoing around people I'm comfortable with but withdrawn to the extreme around others. I would say instead of her always going to other friends houses, invite them over so she's in a more comfortable atmosphere and when she gets used to them around maybe she'll want to go to her friends house. Also, while a friend is over for your daughter, invite the parents over so she can at least realize that the child's parents are just like you.

Answer 9

What I would do is go to the house with her. Tell her that everything is okay and she will be okay in the house. You may have to do this until is like 7 but it is just a phase.

Answer 10

you and her dad are her security blanket. She is most comfortable with you 2 why dont you try going with her and then after she gets comfortable to her surroundings after a few times of visiting she will slowly want you to go away my daughter used to do that now she is 10 and doesnt even want me walking her to the door....Hang in there it will get better with time!!!