No kids at the wedding?

Question

I was planning on having an adult only reception (of course though allowing the three family members that are IN the bridal party). I asked one of my bridesmaids for her address so I could put it correctly into my database...When she gave it to me she gave me her name, her hubby's name and her new daughters name.

I asked her if she was going to bring the baby and she said "Yeah why do you have a problem with that?"

I was kind of put off by that, i mean, yeah i wanted an adults only reception (mostly because my dads paying for food and it's 8.95 per plate for kids).. she said she would bring jar food for the baby...

Did any of you find it rude for her to respond to me like that?

she is travelling for the wedding...about 2 hours..the baby was just born this year...i asked because i had to make sure it was alright with my dad....he's not happy because of the age of the child...BUT he said 'whatever'

Of course her hubby was invited...and i was surprised because her mom personally told me that she'd watch the baby..

Answer 1

I think that was rude of her. She shouldn't have questioned your guest list. I can understand if she can't come to the wedding, b/c of the travel issues and the childcare.

But, she's an adult and should act like one. You said yourself, "my dad is paying" Meaning, you are trying to keep costs to a minimumn. Plus, I feel like your dad wants a peaceful ceremony and reception w/o noisy kids.

If he's paying, he has every right to request this. Especially, since this is only a friend's baby. Your dad might feel put off by having to pay to accomadate someone's else's child when their are immediate or close relatives to invite first.

I think you should stand by your request. If your friend can't come, then she can decline or she can come allow and her husband can watch the baby.

Your friend is acting very childish. I love kids, I'm a teacher, in fact. But, I do believe there is a time and place for children.

As someone that works with kids ALL DAY. I know how they operate. Even the BEST kids can have a bad day, especially if they are bored, have to sit still for long periods of time or have to wear uncomfortable clothing. Even the best kids, can and will fuss.

Just stick by your "adults only" request. Your friend isn't paying, if she got a problem with your request. Give her you father's phone number and ask her to take it up with him, he's the one paying. Your dad will let her know this doesn't have to do with the "$8.95 kid's plate".

Answer 2

If she's your bridesmaid then Im assuming she's a close friend. I wouldn't expect a close friend to leave a newborn at home with some relative, especially for a wedding that is a few hours away.

It is your wedding but if you wanted no children, then you have to expect those with children, not to attend. And probably shouldn't include them in the wedding. a newborn isnt going to need a kids plate or even a seat and u can always seat them in the back so if the baby decides to start screaming, the husband can exit with him/her and not cause too much disruption.

If there are going to be some kids who are part of the wedding, then maybe you can organise a room for them to all go to, with a good responsible babysitter. That way you can keep your reception kid free and maybe provide some kid friendly foods, pizza and some chips, salsa. that way you won't have to pay for any kids' plates and all the parents will love you for it!! Of course, if the baby is veryyyy young, she might not want to hand him over so readily, but if hes so young, you dont have to worry about him breaking things.

Good luck

Answer 3

Personally I'm not big on kids at a wedding unless it is planned to be kid friendly and even then I find the ceremony is usually interrupted in some way.

Yes it was rude but you messed up by asking if she was bringing the baby. You led from a weak position. You should have opened with "I'm sorry there must have been a misunderstanding. This is an adults only event."

Now it's going to be harder to fix. How reasonable is she? Could you just tell her that you're not going to choose this as a battle you will have with her and she can bring the kid if she wants, However if she does it will be with full knowledge that it is under protest and that it will cause you difficulty with all of the other guests who are respecting your wishes and leaving their children home.

Another thing to mention is that when people ask why her kid is there and theirs aren't you will feel like you are speaking ill of her when you tell them the truth that she was asked not to bring the child and she refused to honor your request.

Answer 4

I feel your pain on this one. It's so hard, because you are NOT going to make everyone happy, no matter what. BUT, the bottom line is that its your day.
I guess a lot depends on your relationship with the bridesmaid. I guess I would suggest taking her aside and explaining that you are really concerned about the cost of the wedding, and that you hope "guests" aren't upset that you've chosen to have adults only. Let her see that you are stressing about this. Hopefully if she is a great friend she will take the hint and take her mother up on the babysitting offer. Maybe express that her bringing the baby might upset other guests who left theirs at home. I'm surprised she isnt looking forward to an adult night. It's her responsibility as your bridesmaid to be focused on you that day. She can't do that with a baby around.

Answer 5

This is one of those "you are not going to please everyone" situations.
Depending upon her tone when she said "do you have a problem with that" - it could be rude, or it could have been her asking "am i not supposed to bring the baby?"
You're best response would have been, "I assumed you weren't bringing the baby because your Mom said she would watch her, and I want you and your husband to have a great time and not have to worry about the baby".
With the costs per plate - - a baby should not be charged for a kids plate - you should make sure your food vendor knows that. It will probably be eating baby food carried by the parent so you don't want to be charged.
I know there's no way I could get away with a 'no kids' wedding so we're just including them - but I'm not having them in the wedding either!

Answer 6

I think you should stick to your guns on this one. NO KIDS means NO KIDS, you need to tell her this. Explain to her that you do not wish for children to be at the wedding. You cannot allow one person to bring children (that are not in the wedding party) and not allow other people to bring their kids, it will cause resentment, I mean seriously, she is a bridesmaid, how much time is she actually going to be with the kid during the wedding anyway, and also , that baby is too young to be at a wedding reception with loud music, and it is probaly too late for him to be up. And who wants a screaming baby at their wedding. Say something to her before it is too late.

Answer 7

Be prepared, you have just asked a very controversial question, and you will get a lot of different (strong) viewpoints on this issue. Here is my own personal opinion:

It is your party. You are paying for this event. Only the guests you invite are able to attend. It is incredibly rude for anyone to add additional (uninvited) guests. If "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" are invited to the wedding, that does NOT include Baby Smith. Be prepared, though...If you invite "Sue Smith and Guest", Sue is traditionally allowed to bring whomever she wants as a guest, including a child.

Yes, I think it is rude for your bridesmaid to respond like that. My response to her would be "I am honored that you have agreed to be my bridesmaid, and I look forward to having you be part of my special day. However, we have chosen to have an adults only event. If you are unable to be a part of the wedding due to the baby, please let me know. Maybe we can make babysitter arrangements. Otherwise, we will miss you, but we do understand."

Wedding invitations are sent out between 8 and 6 weeks before the wedding. There is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON that a guest can not find a babysitter within 6 weeks time. And, for a bridesmaid to make a big deal about it....I mean, she is a BRIDESMAID...There is no way she is going to have time to tend a baby during the wedding...Her husband will be stuck caring for the child the whole event. Not a good idea.

Not all events are kid friendly...and if you are only going to have adults, all of your guests need to respect that, or not attend. You may find some people offended...But they are not paying for the wedding. You are.

Just my opinion.

Good luck dear,
~Kat

Answer 8

Hi. Just do not include her baby in the head count to the catering staff for the "kids plate". There is no way anyone can charge you $8.95 for a baby! I have never heard of that! Just give the head count of the # of kids (say 6) to the caterer. I certainly WOULD NOT include the baby.

Answer 9

It all depends on how she said it, however she may have felt offended by you asking her if the kid was coming, I mean she probably assumed the baby was invited, but I think it was probably a combination of you both and the way you said it personally, I mean alot of people get offended when their children aren't invited, but I see it from your side too, not wanting a bunch of rugrats at a grown people event. Just try to see it from both sides, and remember if you make it okay for her to bring the baby be prepared that others will want to bring their kids also. Good luck and congrats on the wedding

Answer 10

She was rude, but that's kind of expected of a new mother and a first born. The novelty will wear out soon once you want to have ONE night out without smelling like puke. With that said...

Yes, she was in the wrong, but since you didn't reply right there and then that you actually have a problem with that, then you are stuck. Either allow fo rthe screaming colichy infant to attend and ruin your reception by pooping, crying and puking or, offer to pay for a babysitter. If she's a new mother, probablyy she won't, but you have to be honest with her and tell her that it will be an all adult reception and that she is unable to find daycare arrangements, then she has the option of stepping down without any feelings being hurt.

Added: Tell her that her mom will watch the baby. This is sticky because she will be offended, but I must be honest...children, specially babies, will ruin any wedding. If she's a mature woman she will respect your wishes.

Good luck