How to get them to talk after 6 years?

Question

My sister and my mom haven't spoken in 8 years. It's messy, but my sister decided to put her kids up for adoption because she was having some drug troubles and didn't think she could provide for them.

"I did what I thought was best - now they have a chance," she says. In her mind, making the decision to give the two boys up was difficult, but

The problem is that my mom takes this all very personally.

"She took my grandbabies away from me, and I can never forgive her, ever," she says, and the anger and in her eyes is geninuine. In her mind, raising a child is the only option - there is no other option, come what may.

Today, they still swear they will never say a word to one another. They speak of one another with such vile that it makes me nauseous; but I keep trying with each of them, explaining the other's point of view.

Now the old woman is getting sicker and it isn't looking good. What can I do to change it before it's too late?

Like mother, like daughter.

You say, "I have no respect for a woman that would give birth and refuse to take the responsibility for the children she birthed, none."

But then, I believe she wanted her children to have better lives than we did. Over the years, I've come to see how hard a decision it was for her, but I no longer question her responsibility. She made the decision she thought was right.

Now, though, the decision isn't about who wronged who anymore. It's about how to bring them together again.

Answer 1

wow- sounds like my story somewhat ( I haven't spoken to my parents in years). I'm going to try to put it into my situation, b/c I have a brother and I'd want to know that my mom was sick.

I'd have to say, I'd broach your sister about a reconcilliation but I wouldn't push b/c really it's between the two of them. And at the end of the day if they don't want to, you just need to be there for the two of them (something my bro hasn't done). If you've at least tried to make a go then your conscience can rest and then it's left up onto their shoulders not yours. Just proceed with caution.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Your sister was way out of line. Okay she was having drug problems. This is self inflicted so I have no sympathy there.
I do feel for your mother though. Was she ever given the chance to provide help with her grandchildren? Or even advice from her? To have the children adopted instead of fostered is so final.
I'm afraid you can't really change things. Your sister should try
and understand her mom. Tell her that she said goodbye to her kids - she should make up with her mom - before its too late. Because eventually she will feel a terrible guilt unless she makes amends now. Good Luck.

Answer 3

sometimes family members can't come to terms with the actions of each other -- it's sad, but you can't control their feelings or actions.

your mother was probably sick and tired of her daughter's drug problems long before she gave up her children... and YES giving them up was probably the best thing that ever happened to those children... sad but true.

you can't change your sister or mother...