My wife is spoiling our baby, what do you think?

Question

everytime he even whimpers she picks him up. He sleeps in our bed which means I sleep on the floor because there isnt enough room. If I bring anything up about how he is spoiled she gets offended. Then she complains about have to hold him all the time, he also can only go to sleep if she rocks him to sleep, help me out here, what do I do?

ps. He is 8 months old.

I never told her that she is spoiling him but I kind of show it sometimes. I dont mind sleeping on the floor, he isnt being breastfed if you are wondering. Its just she complains about how attached he is to her and how he only wants to be with her and Im tired of hearing it.

Answer 1

Send your wife on a vaca and take over. That poor kid is going to get all messed up if she doesn't stop. I have been a teacher for years and you can always tell the ones like your son and the ones who are not. Your wife isn't helping him. Good luck. Feel free to e-mail me. I can give you some tips to help.

Answer 2

Buy yourself a sleeping bag and an air mattress.

There are thousands of different ideas about all the pro's and con's about this type of behavior.

The baby is 8 months old, only over her dead body will you be able to pry it out of her hands, and sleeping on the floor is a lot more comfortable then sleeping in the dog house.

You can try beating her to the kid next time he whimpers. If you are "hogging" the kid, she may very well get a bit jealous and suggest that YOU are spoiling the kid.

Answer 3

You are just as important as the baby and deserve to sleep in the bed too. I co-slept with my son until he was 7 months and then I couldn't sleep because he kicked so much so I kicked him out, to his crib, which he adjusted to in one or two nights. I always held and comforted him, until he was way old. Babies deserve love and pretty constant attention, it's the only time the will be a baby you know. You should let your wife know that you are important too though and a your strong, happy marriage is very important to his future as well as all the love. Don't tell her she's spoiling the baby anymore. But do put your foot down about the sleeping arrangements, he's big enough and the bond is strong, I'm sure.

Answer 4

First, you need to get back in your own bed. Get a cosleeper or a bassinet, or put the bed on the floor and make a little pallet next to the bed for the baby to sleep on.

Second, don't tell your wife she is spoiling the child. I went through this with my husband not too many months ago. He was resenting me holding the baby all the time, and I felt that because of his resentment, I had to hold the baby all the time, it was a very vicious cycle.

I felt that I couldn't let him help, even though I desperately needed help, because he would put her in another room to scream. Well, I didn't feel that was helping, I could have done that myself. A first time mom especially is very sensitive to her babies cries. It's a protection mechanism, if we weren't we wouldn't properly care for our children.

When my husband and I talked it out and understood each other, we were able to make a workable solution. I would trust him to hold her, and he would help rock her and talk soothingly to her, and not put her in another room to "cry it out" which I couldn't stand.

What we finally wound up doing after she was sleeping in another room, but took forever to put to sleep was let her cry for a max of 10 minutes then go in to soothe her, without picking her up for a max of 2 minutes. I felt reassured knowing she wasn't feeling abandoned, just perhaps frustrated. It took a few long nights, fortunately, we did it over a weekend, but then she started going to sleep when we put her down. She'd have a night or two here and there for the next month where we'd have to remind her of the new procedure, but it worked the best when we were consistant. Now we put her in her bed and she goes to sleep, or plays quietly without us until she does.

If your wife just can't stand it and she'll eventually give in, then don't try it, it won't work. That doesn't mean she's weak, just that she's very sensitive to your baby and not ready yet. You should feel grateful that your wife loves your baby so much, not all mothers do. Part of her love for this baby comes from her love for you. Rememeber, this child won't be this young forever and this too shall pass.

Answer 5

First of all, how old is the baby? Also, I rocked my daughter to sleep every night and for every nap until she was 9 months old. Once I put her down on her own, she fell asleep beautifully on her own. It really vaires between kids - they are all different. I don't think at a real young age that you should be worried about how much the baby is being held. Do you have a swing of bouncy seats? These are also great tools to give the baby movement so your wife can gets a few things done. Good luck!!!

Answer 6

There is no such thing as "spoiling" a newborn. Holding a small infant gives them security later in life which will lead to less security issues. The only real concern I think you need to address is that you are unable to sleep with your wife because of the child. Perhaps look into purchasing a co-sleeper to go next to the bed or talk to your wife to see what issues she may have with you that causes her to allow the baby in the bed even if there is no room for you. I think the co-sleeper would definately be something for you to look into

Answer 7

How old is your baby? If under 4 weeks, this seems okay for the moment, if older, mommy needs to let go just a little bit. Get a bassinet to put next to the bed. I picked up my daughter when she cried but I didn't kick daddy out of the bed. The baby will get accustomed to what mommy is giving. The baby needs floor time to practice lifting up on his hands and moving his head around. Try to make the need to make changes about the health of your baby, not about what she's doing wrong in case she's still hormonal.

Answer 8

I admit i do someone of those things too...is it your first? of so i understand but it should not go that far as for you to sleep on the floor...i would never do that to my hubby. Holding the baby all the time is sort of normal for being the first child but it does do harm...they will never want to be put down and they will always want to be rocked. Tell your wife that if she keeps doing what she does she will never get to do anything by herself. She will have to cook,clean, and do everything else with the baby in her arms because the baby will cry if you put him down...not only that but no private time for you guys. It only gets worse your teaching your child to depend on you for everything and he will not learn to depend on himself. Babies need to learn to self-soothe. They need to learn that it's ok to be on your own sometimes. It's going to get really hard for her when your son is 3 and still wants to get rocked to sleep...and it does happen. My nephew is 3 1/2 and will not go to sleep unless rocked and it does alot of wear and tear.

Answer 9

When parents actually respond to their child's "whimpers," it shows the child they can trust this person. An 8 month doesn't whimper, he's too young to whine. Once he starts walking, you still have to respond to his cries, but also set limits.

You could just ignore him like some parents, but then you'll wonder why he doesn't respect you or listen to you.

I agree she should start transitioning him into his own bed. Is he breastfeeding?

Answer 10

i think you two need to discuss some ground rules. don't accuse her, speak about how u r feeling.

it sounds like she is on the road to spoiling, no your baby is not spoiled just yet so you are not too late.

she would be doing the baby a big favor by teaching him to fall alseep by himself. u start rocking that baby now, u will be rocking that kid at 4 years old. and that is not fun.

HELP HER out more with the baby and maybe she will have more ENERGY for U.

Answer 11

Perhaps telling her she's spoiling him isn't your best approach - that'd put anyone on the defensive...instead, you need to approach it gently, talk about the fact that you think you should both be able to sleep in your bed, etc...