Are there any "old fashtioned" parents left ??? First time Father needs advice !!!?

Question

I'm 36 years old and soon to be a first time Father. My wife and I have been married for under a year and I want to learn as much as possible to minimize mistakes. Personally, I hate modern, overbearing, over protective parents where the kids end up spoiled, disrespectul, obese, whiney brats on prozac. I'm not for or against spanking. They don't have to wear helmets while riding a bike if they don't WANT TO. They don't AUTOMATICALLY make the baseball team. I'm not trying to raise the next Bill Gates or Tiger Woods. I just want to raise a good "old fashioned" kid who is respectful, well mannered . . . AND PLAYS OUTSIDE !!! Are there any books that will help me achieve this ???

I don't want to hear from candy-*** parents who berate me about the helmet thing either !!!

Answer 1

What a place to ask this type of question! :) I'm sure you are bound to get a lot of people thinking you are the crazy one!
This is one my biggest fears for bringing a child into this world. I can't believe what has happened to the parents today!
I do wish there were some good books out there to help us raise our children right and help us deal with all the other over protective parents who affect our lives and our children.
Normal kids DO NOT need medication! Just because they are hiper, doesn't mean they have a problem...like you said, send then OUT TO PLAY!

Good question! I will keep my eye on this one for some of the answers you get.

Answer 2

When my kids were little, there weren't even helmets made for children! (and they're only 32). No carseats, either.
Just the fact that you want to raise an unspoiled kid is more than half the battle. Keep in mind that children WANT limits and feel lost and unloved without them. Tell the kid what you expect of him, even at a very young age, and he will do his best to please you. Show your love with hugs and time, not things.
Discipline and punishment are not the same thing. You teach your children to discipline themselves by practicing self-control. Before you enter a situation, like going to the store, lay out the rules and consequences, so he can control himself in the way you expect.
Good luck, but remember we all make mistakes. Just ask the child's forgiveness when you really blow it. I'm sure you'll be a good dad because you care.

Answer 3

A book has never raised a child, so beware of using books as your sole system of reference.

It's amazing how many parents are at one extreme or the other. Parents seem to either be overprotective dictators or irresponsible lazy-asses.

There is a happy medium. The goal is to teach your child as he/she grows so that he/she can have fewer rules and have more independent decisions as they get older. For example, a four year old child doesn't get to decide what he/she gets to wear to school, but when he/she is 8, maybe then he/she can decide what to wear to school. Your job is to teach him/her how to best make that decision as he/she grows.

As the child gets older, there should be more things he/she can decide upon. That's' not to say that the parent can't veto their decision or that the parent can't allow the child to pick between several options the parent has decided are appropriate...hope that makes sense.

Sounds like you have got a pretty good grip on things.....just remember, parents who give their child everything and have few rules often end up with spoiled, disrespectful, obese, whiny brats on Prozac, too!

Answer 4

I don't know about any books about raising children as you want. Your best information may come from your own experiences as a child.

In general, be consistent. There are more failures that can be blamed on a parent being wishy-washy. If the child knows what to expect, then they will behave accordingly. However if the child can get away with it every once in a while.... they will try every time.

As for the helmet thing..... I never wore one as a kid, but what we tend to think now, kind of changes when its our kid out there dodging cell-phone hugging teens driving just a bit too fast through the neighborhood.

Answer 5

Stay away from the books, usually those who have written the books are going on theory and have the most horrible children. You need to first discuss these issues with your wife just to make sure that she is on the same page, if not then you are going to have a problem. I am a child care provider at a university, I am 45 years old, and most of the parents are my age or older and have two year olds that run the roost, they are also professors, and they have no clue as to what to do to their 2 year olds, I run my class old school, they will not talk back to me, and I will not bribe them like their parents to put on their coats or to stop crying, I just go over and tell them you need to stop making all that noise, and get ready to go home..done deal, but you need to discuss those issues with your wife. I have raised two adult children, did not use time out, they got spankings, they never talked back or swore at me, Both are married, with high paying government jobs, and never been in trouble with the law. Love your children, talk to them, and not at them, let them know they are the most important thing in your life, always have time for them, do everything you can with them, my kids live out of state, and when they come home with their spouses they still want to do movie nights, and sit down dinners, and they are doing those things with their families as well. Always tell them you love them, and lead by example, and help them learn from their mistakes. But again discuss it with your wife.

Answer 6

Absolutely, positively read the book "The Epidemic". I can't off the top of my head remember the authors name, but if you go to Amazon and just type in the title - it will come up. I am a first-time mommy with 3 stepkids...trust me, I have wandered down every parenting aisle in every bookstore and this one is THE BEST.
It's been 2 months of being mom to a 3, 5 & 9 year old and you will make mistakes - lots of them!! But...at night when you tuck them in, if they say "I love you" w/a great big hug, you are obviously doing something right.

Answer 7

If you could be a tad less judgemental, you will have much happier children, and your kids' friends will feel comfortable visiting your home. You need to relax. I don't know where you are running into all those out of control kids, but they are a small, small minority. Most kids are great.

Re: the helmet thing -- kids don't get to make decisions about what's good for them. That's YOUR job. If your children don't want to buckle up in the car, is that OK too? What if they only want to eat cake and ice cream? If you let them off in one area, believe me they will jump on it and pull it into every other area.

My kids are everything you want yours to be. One's a college grad, the other's in uni, and both are polite, productive, independent kids. You have to adjust your methods to what your kids need. Books won't give you that. You have to remember what your childhood was like and what worked for you, what hurt you, what your parents did that made you feel great, and what your parents did that still make you cringe when you think about it.

Answer 8

honestly i think that people are over protective now a days because you have to be there are some crazy people in this world its not like in the older days when people could leave there doors unlocked (that's what my mother says=) i do understand somewhat of what you are saying you want your children to play outside and not be spoiled little get everything they want brats which is good i don't think a book would be much help i think you should trust yourself and go with your instincts~or you can read the what to expect books i liked those~good luck=)

Answer 9

The best way to raise your child to be spoiled is to tell them that they don`t have to wear a helmet if they don`t want to.

That is telling them that they do not have to do anything if they do not want to.
That goes for obeying the law, a teacher, a parent etc.

If you love your child you will want to raise your child to be loving. You will teach your child that you are not perfect and make mistakes as a parent. Just say sorry and move on. This will show your child that being sorry for doing something wrong, or hurting someone is the correct way. Also,
if you play with your child outside instead of just telling your child to go outside and play, your child will learn to love to play outside.
Take an interest in your child daily, not just on your day off.

Answer 10

It sounds like you already have a good idea of what you think a bad parent is, so just don't do those things and I'm sure your children will be fine.

I think you are being stupid about the helmet thing but thats clearly your choice. Of course, you will have to deal with the eventual fall out of raising children based on "old fashioned" standards when they have to live in and deal with the current world. Nothing ill prepares a child more for the real world then when they are sheltered and raised by parents with a pre-conceived notion of how they will be... but then again, I assume thats how you were raised and oddly enough you don't have the sense to know who to raise your own children.
of well.. old fashioned sometimes means never learned..

good luck. you are going to need it.