So as excited as I am to soon be Mrs. Garcia, an army wife, lately as we have been planning the wedding we seem to be bickering alot. not big fights but little ones. I am not questioning if we are meant to be what so ever! So please don't say that. But soon after my wedding my fiancee is going to be deployed to Iraq and also in septemeber we lost our unborn baby to heaven. I am wondering if the stress from planning the wedding, which by the way was pushed early because of his deployment, him leaving, and losing our baby could possibly be causing these small disagreements? Has anyone else experienced this kind of problem when under alot of stress? And what can I do to make things get back to how they used to be? I know I am struggling with post partum depression. But in my heart he is the one. And marrying him is the only thing I have ever been so sure of. Thanks guys!!!
2007-11-08 03:57:45 · 4 answers · asked by ? 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You haven't have time to grieve. that's all. With everything going on and the world keeping on spinning, you haven't have time to go through the normal phases of grievance. There is a lot of things that have happen to you as a couple in a very short period of time. You are also making life changing decisions along with coping with the fear of sending your husband to war and not seeing him for 15 months.
My advice is to seek counselling. Take some time to talk to a rabbi, pastor, counselor and talk about your fears, your emotions and your loss. Keeping it in makes matters much worse as the issues fester and fester and you will blow up at the minimum provocation. Also, by keeping your pain hidden, you will only outsource it elsewhere and will see him as evil for not understanding or not being able to "read your mind" to see what's going on. Men are bad when it comes to deal with an emotionaos and do not know how to handle it. You may think that he doesn't care, which is NOT the case, he is just built different.. Women sometimes just want to vent, but men see it as "FIX THIS PROBLEM' which is not the case. Understand this when approaching him, tell him that you just want him to listen.
I'm sorry about the loss of your baby. If you feel depressed, please seek professional help as this will improve greatly you quality of life and your relationship.
Good luck and congratulations.
2007-11-08 04:09:50 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are in the worst possible situation to avoid stress with your post partum depression and him being sent to Iraq. you both have to realize that these are the causes of the stress and make that knowledge a conscious thought rather than a cause of the bickering. Perhaps it may help to try to do things that make that period of time easier on you both. For example, can he take a cell phone with him so that he will be able to call you from there?
Figure out who will be there to support you while he is gone, whether his family, yours, or both, or even other wives of others going to Iraq. You can think of ways to defuse the bickering by thinking of funny or witty things to make him laugh when the stressful moments arrive and he can do the same for you.
make sure that you are not only planning for the wedding and his departure but making memories of this time by doing things together that you both enjoy so that, God forbid it happening, if he doesn't make it home from Iraq you have some good memories of the time you had together.
you are both feeling the stress so do things that can help relieve that, talking about the stress openly, and doing things that will relieve the stress - go to a bowling alley and take it out on the pins, join a gym together and work out there, or anything else that can be a way to relieve the stress.
I hope the wedding is great and he returns safely after his deployment!!
2007-11-08 04:31:00 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hunny, stress is what causes problems, but with everything going on for the both of you it must be really edgy, so here is my answer, you two go for a drive and just think and talk about you and how much you love each other, sometimes when things are crazy, just being with each other quietly is the golden ticket. Good Luck and Congrats to you both.
2007-11-08 05:11:48 · answer #3 · answered by eeyore6838 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, what you are describing is normal when you are under a lot of stress. And, you sure are under a lot of it! Just hang in there, it will get better. If you haven't seen your doctor about the post partum depression, it might not be a bad idea... Good luck! =)
2007-11-08 04:08:21 · answer #4 · answered by ♥CarolinaMommy♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋