I deliberately want to be sick?

Question

My psychologist thinks I have depression because I cut myself (not so bad) and I always have vertigo. I have been going through many tests for this. I have many thoughts of suicide, overdosing on pills, shooting myself. I know this is horrible, and I haven't told my psychologist. In a way, I don't want to kill myself, I just want to really hurt myself where I am in the hospital. What do you think is wrong w/ me? Is it due to depression that I always want to deliberately be sick and hurt? I fake sick a lot because I don't want to go to school, can't get out of bed or have the motivation to do anything < & I know this is due to the depression. I am pretty sure that I have bdd because people tell me that i'm pretty, but I always feel so ugly and want to be perfect. I don't want to have these crazy thoughts, I feel like I am letting my family and friends down, so I don't tell them a lot of things. What should I do?

Answer 1

You should tell your doctor exactly what you have said here. I think we sometimes want to be sick because we want to escape the demands of life, if only for a little while. What you are feeling is normal for someone who is deeply depressed. Please tell your doctor so you can get the appropriate treatment and you won't have to feel guilty toward your friends and family. They all love you and want the best for you.

Good luck

Answer 2

Some counselors would respond to you that people have reasons why they do the things they do -- that they do it to "Get something out of it". So, think about it -- what are you gaining or trying to gain from being "sick"?

I hope you allow your psychologist to work with you -- to coach you -- to discover what is behind your being depressed, -- and to work toward getting well.
Wellness Is Possible. There is HOPE

Answer 3

...darling?.....be honest with yourself here first.....( you are hurting mentally babe....admit this to yourself unwittingly...)and then be honest with all the deep respectful people that love you and wanna assist you with some of your own personal anxiety type created difficulties seriously!
This is not a significant time to faulter ones self...honestly!!!
Having any thoughts and ideas of suicide are absolutely a red flag hun....and I would feel personally ashamed if I didn't tell you to go back to your therapist and tell them exactly what you've significantly told us here!
Sometimes hormonal or chemical imbalances of your own brain chemistry can cause you difficult moments hun....so let's stop kidding ourselves and go and get some help immediately if not sooner....ok? You're making your call for help my sweet darling....so let's go get some before confliction enters your imagination.
E-mail me if you need help doing this hun....ok?

Answer 4

look up munchhausen syndrome. people will make themselves sick deliberately to get attention due to a mental illness. it's really bad when it's "by proxy"...then they hurt their children or loved ones for the attention. talk to ur doc. he can help u.

Answer 5

i dson't have an answer for you, i just wanted to say ur not alone..i feel almost the same way as you..

if u ever wanna chat, send me msg..