How do you deal with the raw pain and horrible emptiness you feel due to the death of a loved one?

Question

Sometimes it hurts so much I really cannot stand it. I feel like I need to do something to shake it but I don't know what.

Answer 1

Use your family and living loved ones as support to help you get through this difficult time. Pray for strength. God can help you too, if you ask Him.

Answer 2

The hurt and pain can be terrible -- there is no doubt about that. We never lose the love we had for the individual, whether it's a partner, a relative, a close friend or a favourite pet. The meaning of the love is so personal to us, and it remains in our heart, even though we are still feeling our loss so greatly.

Talking to someone will help you through this, but not everybody likes to talk about grief, because it can be too sombre for some. So, you could start by speaking with your doctor, or someone of a professional status, in confidence. If you feel you can open up to a trusted friend, then don't hold back. Or, you could pursue grief counseling.

Some have received comfort from writing a poem, making a scrapbook of photos and memorabilia, having a ceremony (memorial) with the releasing of balloons to signify the freeing of the person's spirit. Things like this might help to a certain degree. Of course, nothing replaces the person, and I find the hardest thing is just the simple fact that I am missing someone. Try not to isolate yourself or let yourself become overcome with sadness. Life goes on. Your loved one would want you to be happy and would be pleased to know you're doing well. But do see your doctor if you feel the need for some advice, and don't be afraid to express your feelings. Best wishes to you.

Answer 3

People do not understand the pain you feel and they say things like "Time makes it better" or "They are in a better place" there are many things that people say to make you feel better only because they don't know what to say. I lost my husband 2 years ago and then my mother passed away just a year ago. I can tell you I wasn't prepared for my husband dying and that pain I felt was not only emotional, but a physicall hurt I have never experienced before in my life. You deal with it the only way you can. You cry, reach out to friends. I went to a grief counselor and I have to admit that it helped me more than I can say. Let people in and talk...talk about your anger at them being gone, your sadness and the lonliness you feel. As time goes by, you deal with your grief a little easier. My best advice is to remember the good times. Cry when you need to. I wrote a letter to my husband and to my mother. I went through some steps where I remembered good times and bad...I did a time scale and of the good things. I wrote both letters of forgiveness and telling them goodbye. Try this and see if it works.
Good luck and God speed to you.

All the best to you...

Answer 4

One breath at a time, sweetie, one breath at a time. When a loved one leaves us an empty space takes their place. To survive this you have to take the grief in small doses. Live your life as normal as possible, when the grief hits, let it flow. Just enough to kind of clear your system. Then make yourself stop. I know this sounds crazy, but it works. I lost my dad this summer. This has worked for me. Never hold back the tears, but don't let them go uncontrolled. Each minute, hour and day that goes by you are healing. You can't tell at first because the pain is so raw, but you are healing. My heart goes out to you in your pain. What I have told you is how to make the grief bearable. It's something we can't escape. Acceptance is the most important thing. Once you accept they are gone and not coming back, you have reached the top of the mountain. I am so sorry for your loss.

Answer 5

Know inside that the moments of pain have an end. That in a little while the awful pain will subside a bit, and that the next time it comes around again it will only last for a while.

Some are brought to the knowledge of Jesus Christ through the loss of a loved one. God is our Father and he is not willing that any should perish. Finding faith now at this time will lift you up into the place where there is everlasting comfort.

Answer 6

You need the support of other family members or close friends
You should not try to dwell on the death of your loved one , I feel sure they would have wanted you to get on with a happy life . Nor should you forget them and there is nothing wrong in spilling a few tears every now and again in a quiet moment of reflection.
Apart from the above the main things that kept me going was that I was relieved that the people in question were no longer in pain or suffering the indignities of their illness . I also made sure they remained in conversations with other relatives and friends , and with time it begins to get a bit easier . However even after a number of years there are still some tearful moments .
I am sorry you suffered a loss of a loved one m nothing really fills the void m but sustain yourself with memories of happy times and funny moments
Good Luck

Answer 7

Take the time to allow these feelings...they are natural, normal and a part of the healing process - really they are. If you don't allow yourself to just take some time off and cry it out, long and hard, then you could be retarding the actual healing time. Mourning and loss are part of life; to deny it is to retard yourself - and even risk becoming nutzoid or worse a very bitter old person.

Go and talk to a minister, a counselor, a priest or preacher.

Pray, and pray a lot. Ask for help in taking the needed steps to recover and heal from your loss.

Remember always you will see them again, they are just away.

Try to rejoice in the times you had together. Put together those photos in an album. Talk to close friends and family who share in your loss.

You REALLY WILL recover.

Jesus said blessed is he who mourns, not because you hurt and suffer the loss, but because the process of mourning is unavoidable and if you allow yourself to mourn properly then healing will come much easier and more quickly.

But never, never forget you will see them again, you will!

Answer 8

I've lost 6 children, my father, other relatives, and several close friends. I know the feeling. There are three things that help me most when in grief.

1. First and foremost - I pray. Jesus said, "Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (King James version) He meant it, and it's true.

2. Write down all the happy memories I have of that loved one. I'll keep it to re-read and add to when the emptiness overwhelms me again.

3. Create something. It doesn't matter what it is. I've designed and knitted sweaters, made a picture frame for a photo of the lost loved one, painted a room (or a picture), baked something (no mixes). The first time I did this it was because I needed the item I was creating. I hadn't known that it would ease my pain and give me a greater sense of hope and peace.

Answer 9

Everyone deals differently, but time is the ultimate healer. You will never be whole again, but the rawness will go away.

For me, it was small things.
Literally, small things.
I compulsively shaped and built a scale replica of a small town. Painstakingly carving each tree, building, person, car, etc. I did this every night I came home from work for months. Eventually, the rawness abated and so did my fascination with exactly replicating the town.

It will go away, eventually. You just need something to concentrate on for awhile. Don't try to rush it.

Also, people will tell you to talk about it. That's helps, sometimes. But after awhile it just keeps reinforcing the hurt.

Answer 10

The pain is a natural part of the process. It shows the love that you shared for this person and how much you will miss her. Keep in mind that all the crying and guilt you may feel, cannot undo what has been done. You have to accept the fact that it was what it was.....an accident. You, your daughter, no one is at fault. Know that the pain will pass. You do have to spend your time greiving. But you also have to continue with your life/lives. Make your peace with her, make your peace with yourselves, then continue with your life. She still lives through you because she is a part of you. That cannot ever be changed.

Answer 11

You have to experience a whole load of different, and often conflicting emotions.. remember its completly normal (although it wont feel normal to u) and its a process that u have to go through to heal yourself..your allowed to cry.. let it out...dont hold it in...if u can't cry & u are angry...its also normal....wat i did, it might sound silly is i wrote my lost love a message and put it inside a balloon, got it filled with helium and let it go at his grave.. i had a good cry and i said the things i wanted to say in my note. It was an incredible release. Go to a special place that u remember being with that person and talk to them...do things that make u happy... u can't hurt forever...dont feel guilty u have to get on with ur life.....even if there not in this physical world it doesn't mean they can't hear u or with u and that person wouldn't want u to suffer for so long... in time it gets easier to deal with, the grief never goes, but it fades and u will be able to cope alot better. I would also sugget getting grief counselling to help u deal with the emotions of your loss.