How do I let him go? Why do people do this? PLEASE HELP!!?

Question

Ok... I have been dating this guy for a long long time now. He was my first for everything... He keeps talking to his ex and promises me they are just friends. Well the girl is now my friend and she tells me that he has been telling her that he loves her and wants to be with her. He has broke up with me for her 3 times and he always comes back. Well last night we broke up and he said that he loves me and he wants to be with me but yet he wants me to share him with her. Thing is I love him and I will not share him. He says he doesnt see me doin nethang to get him back, but he is still with her and I won't share. He says I'm being mean but i see it as if you love someone you don't cheat and you don't share!!! What do I do? Do I just try and move on even though the love will always be there or do I just say forget it? I'm extremely confused! Please help! And please any hateful comments I really don't need them right now Thanks

Answer 1

No, you don't need hateful comments. Your supposed friend and your ex can take care of that quite nicely without anyone else adding to it. First, that girl is NOT your friend. Don't mourn the loss of a friendship that never was. Likewise, for your ex. I imagine he does want you to "share". Honey, he doesn't love you. He doesn't even love her. He is too shallow and self-absorbed to love either of you women. He calls you "mean", trying to confuse and shame you into doing what he wants, not considering what you want. (and probably not considering what the other woman wants, either). I wonder is SHE is "willing to share"? Doubt it. Move on. Cut all ties. Tell him to stay the hell away from you. Change your phone number. Change your locks. Change your email. Get yourself free. As glib as it sounds, time does heal. You will get over this, and him. He, unfortunately, will always be a user.

Answer 2

I know it hurts and i suspect you are a young woman, which can make it harder if you have less experience.

You know, some people can "share", in fact I am in a relationship now where there are two of us and he loves us both. She's a great woman, as far as I can tell, and I've only met her once, but still, what I hear from him is good. But I'm 48 years old and in a different situation. I love him but won't be marrying him, and I came into their relationship shortly after their decision that it would be an open one, so we are learning together. So, I actually do think such arrangements can work.

BUT... they can't work unless it's what everyone wants, and you don't. It's quite all right to feel just as you do. You don't have to consent to share if it's not something you feel good about.

I know you are confused, but I really think that in your case I would "forget it". I think that he is not in the same position as my man, that he is trying to have his cake and eat it too and if I were you, I would let him go. The harder part will be to refuse him when he comes crawling back. And you DO need to do that unless you want your life to remain a roller coaster forever.

I think you need to dump the "friend" as well as she can only serve to remind you of your misery.

Then go out, buy some new clothes and get busy - very busy. See other guys, hang out with other friends and DON'T CONTACT HIM NO MATTER WHAT. Give him a real chance to miss you, to make him decide once and for all who he wants. THEN, if you want to take him back, OK (tho I would advise against it). But I think that since he has flipped back and forth so much, I would make him crawl pretty far before even considering getting with him again.

Look, I know it hurts like hell, and at your age no one could have told me this either but now I know better - there are a million guys out there you could love, just as much as you do him - I PROMISE. But you have to let go of him to find them and I suggest you do just that.

Good luck and gentle thoughts.

Answer 3

You deserve better than that. Yes he was your first but he is neglecting your feeling. He can't have his cake and eat it to. Tell him when you love someone you do not share. A true love is something you can only give to one person. Sometimes you fall out of love. It sounds like he is just using you as his back up. He finds someone else whom he finds is new and exciting but that gets old so he knows he can come back to you. Don't let yourself be that person anymore. Move on and when he come scrawling back tell him I have moved on. I deserves better. Because you do and you should see that. It is hard to get over the one that you love but when they don't put their whole heart in it you need to move on and put yourself back out there and find someone that will treat you with love and respect that you deserve! This person will always have a place in your heart no matter what you do you will never forget him. You have shared alot of special things with him. So don't forget just move on it will be better for you in the long run. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and if he ever ask me to share him I would be done. When you love someone you DO NOT share that love with anyone else. So let him go and move pass this. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck to you Hun and I hope that I could help you in someway!

Answer 4

Definitely just move on... and whether you believe it or not now, the love WON'T always be there. Sooner or later you'll find a guy who will treat you right and who will only want you, and you'll realize that what you had with your current boyfriend was NOT the kind of love you thought it was.

Save yourself a lot of pain and heartache and just move on... also, since you're friends with the other girl... you might want to tell her to do the same.

Answer 5

no...don't go back to him...it isn't fair for him to ask you to share.... You deserve to have someone who loves you and only you. You may still love him, but in time, that will fade...especially once you meet someone who will love you for you...who will be faithful...who wants to be with only you. You feel the love for him because you don't know anything else.. Once you meet that guy you will wonder what you were doing with this guy...you will realize how blind love is. Be strong...your prince charming might be just around the corner...and you don't want to miss him because you are still looking at the guy who isn't being fair... Don't settle for anything less than everything you want. GOOD LUCK and BE STRONG!!!! You deserve more!!!

Answer 6

Honestly, you need to say forget it. What woman should have to share her man?? No woman. He obviously has mixed feelings for her and for you. If he really wanted to give you his all, he would have cut ties w/ her from the jump and told her to stop trying to stay in contact. I know it hurts but you should really let it go. I say that b/c look how many times he's left you for her. How many times are you going to let him break your heart? When the true prince charming is probably looking for you right now. He's not worth it. Let him be a dog.

Answer 7

He was with her first, so all those times the two of you broke up, isn't it arguable that she's the one he's been coming back to? Let her put up with his indecisive behavior, and move on. Yes, it'll hurt for a while, but there is someone out there who will make you top priority - and once that happens, you'll wonder why you ever put up with this situation.

Answer 8

aw girl! for one.. i am sorry :( i know how that feels!! i used to be in the exact situation. you need to leave him. i know you don't want to, and it WILL be hard. especially since he was your first for everything. you need to step your foot down and leave him! and when he finally realizes you don't want him, he will crawl back, do not let him!!!! its his fault for what happened, and you shouldnt have to live with it! move on, find a guy that wants to be with you and ONLY you. and you are right, you don't share your man...thats just not right! tell him you are gonna "share" yourself with another man, and see what he says!! and this girl he's seeing, your so called "Friend"... leave her too! a friend would not do that to you!! spend time with real friend, family, go out and have fun!! and mr. right will come...trust me. it may take awhile...but he will!! after my relatinoship like that...its took me 4 years to find my boyfriend i have now, and i am sooooo glad i waited, he is the best thing ever!! i wish you luck, and i know you can do it. i promise after you leave him, forget about him,and move on, you will be much happier.
just remember, don't give back into him, keep your foot down and tell him you don't want to be with him.
if you want, you can email me @ [e-mail]
xoxo
Sara

Answer 9

Do what you need to do. You cannot realy fit into our society in the kind of relationship he wants. It would be difficult to create a family too.
You man sounds selfish and egotistical. He is not likely to ever be stable or supportive. Likely he will leave both of you for someone younger, prettier, or "funner" when he gets tired of you.

Best bet is to cut your losses, rack this one up as a bad mistake and go find someone who really can love YOU.

Answer 10

YOU ARE the only one who is responsible for your happiness and welll being. Stop putting your self worth and esteem in this man's hands. If you like being treating like **** then stay with him otherwise leave. there is no sugarcoating needed, and no bullshit filling.

Your weaknest and insecurities are so apparent that he is playing on them. A man who respects you would never much such a request. But he knows that you will not stand up for yourself so he is trying to have his cake and eat it too. The way people treat us is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. So do you really feel that you are not worth having a man to yourself????