Help with a question regarding custody of a child?

Question

My boyfriend of ten years has an 11 year-old son. The mother didn't put him on the birth certificate and refuses to let him see him, unless it's on her terms. We do live in different states, but we paid for the travel the two times we have gotten him. What can be done to get visitation? Does my boyfriend have any rights to his son? Also, before he can come see us this time, there has to be a document drawn up and notarized saying that she has full custody of their son. Can she legally do this considering custody was never awarded? We got a blood test last time we had him to prove that they are father and son. Any help, please?

Answer 1

if custody wasnt awarded to any one , then no one has legal custody , she does have physical custody because she has the kid. first you need to establish that he is the father, you need to go to court ask for a dna test, after that he will be down as the childs father, then you go for who wants custody, when custody is arranged then you figure out visitations and child support. because she has let you visit the child , she is saying he is the father, you could skip the dna test and just file for visitations or custody , if you sign that paper stating she has custody thats as good as going to court and giving her custody , then she can go after child support.

save reciepts, document, document ,document, this really should have been taken care of 11 years ago.

you dont need a lawyer, this all can be done by yourself , but will be difficult if your out of state, just go to family court ask for a custody or vistitation packet, fill it out , write down that the father is not on the birth certificate, that you want to be on the birth certificate, that the mother allows the child to visit when its convienant for her, that the child has came to visit you out of state , and you want to set up court ordered visititation and split custody(or full) to make seeing your son easier and more structured .

Answer 2

Your bf needs to hire an attorney. He can legally get his name on the birth certificate, but it has to be done thru legal channels. At that point he can then get a decent visitation schedule thru the courts. It won't be cheap, but I do hope he goes for it. What would make the situation even better is if he could live close to his son. It sounds like you are a lovely girlfriend who loves his son and that is exactly the kind of partner he should have. There's nothing worse than a wife or girlfriend who doesn't encourage your relationship with your children. Kudos to you! Keep up the fight and help him get this documented thru the courts! You are all on the right path. Good for you!

Answer 3

I would be careful with this. My husband has another son that he didn't know about until we got summoned to do a dna test. after they found that my husband was the father, the little boy was already a year old and we had to pay almost $3,000 in back child support. We were fine paying it and getting partial custody of him. then his mom did a total 180 went crazy and now we are stuck paying child support and we don't even get to see him.

Answer 4

You need a lawyer. And if you got a blood test to prove that he is the father, your boyfriend might have to pay child support while the lawyers battle it out in court. Be prepared to spend some money. He is also going to have to prove to the court there is some neglect by the mother, and tell them why he would be the best provider for the child. Please do not lie on the mother to support your case. Hope things work out.

Answer 5

You need to hire a Family Law Attorney! Do not sign that paper she is wanting you to sign. You need to take this to court because your husband does have rights to the child. The court may even give him joint custody. I do suggest an attorney. You can call for a consultation, most are free.

Answer 6

First of all, gather up all information and start keeping track in a nice binder or folder. Stay organized now. Get yourselves a family law attorney and start with a free consultation. Also, check with a Father’s Rights group and see if they’ll help out because sometimes they can work with you on pricing. We couldn’t afford a lawyer but did it anyways because your husband needs to protect himself.

Our situation was the same, a woman had a baby and put another man on the birth certificate. She came to us saying she had his child and we immediately asked for a DNA test which my husband paid for. It came back his child so we paid non court ordered child support because we did what we thought was right. DO NOT pay her a dime until a court order is put in place. If anything, put it in a bank account and wait for a court order to issue a payment and then you can go from there. Our attorney told us to keep paying and when we went to mediation, not a dime counted and we had paid for 2 yrs. And they still went back 2 yrs to get back child support from us on top of that. So don’t make the same mistake! Put it in a bank account!!

As far as visitation, your husband will have rights once court is in place. If the ex and himself have sort of started a process where he sees the baby, then it’s only going to hurt the ex in court if she stops this for whatever reason. Because what most judges want to know is that a person (in this case the father) is trying to have a relationship with the child.

We would see my stepdaughter on weekends and everything was at the mother’s requests. We never had a say in anything. If we wanted to see the little girl, we did it her way or we didn’t see her. And man oh man did it suck! But we did it for my stepdaughter so she could have a relationship with her father. So that’s all I can really tell you as far as visitation goes. Try to continue to see the baby and keep track of the days you go on a calendar and for how long you stayed. Documenting is a big part of covering your butt so if things come up, you protected yourselves.

It took us 2 yrs to get to court and we actually ended up in mediation. We spent probably close to $7000 or more and WE took HER to court to establish my husband’s rights. I’m still paying my charge cards from this and we still have an open balance with our lawyer, but it was VERY necessary! We now have legal visitation, a REAL court order, and we pay court ordered child support. So we are protected now!

As far as this baby visiting you guys, notarized documents don’t count really. There’s no court order. It’s a good way to temporarily cover your butts, but I would have your own document written up stating that your boyfriend is the biological father determined by a paternity test taken on whatever the date was. Attach the DNA test results to this. Also put in there that the mother, her name, and father, his name, agree that the child is to visit at such and such an address from this date to that date and that the child will be returned on such and such a date to the mother. And BOTH parties sign it and get it notarized.

That way she can’t call and say kidnapping and it’s all spelled out clear as day. It protects both of you. It’s kind of a given that right now she has custody because she has another man on the BC or didn’t put your boyfriend. So that’s kind of an unnecessary statement and I wouldn’t want to sign off on that until you go to court and get something put in place.

Feel free to contact me if you need to. I’ve been through this and back a million times. I’m not a lawyer so I can’t say for sure. Definitely consult with one but cover your butts in the meantime. It DOES suck and it’s lots of work, but it’s just so important to cover your butt in these types of things until the courts are involved.

Good luck!

P.S. Sorry I switched from husband to boyfriend and the baby isn't a baby, he's 11. Sorry :)

Answer 7

get a lawyer and fight it. if blood test proved he is the father then fight for his rights to have joint. only this is the state she is from do they recognize the father. i think minn. is a state that fathers have no say or rights unless they jhave changed it. i fought for custody of my children 20 years ago and back then it was rare for courts to give custody to the father. i got joint custody and my children were to live with me. they were worth the fight.

Answer 8

petition th e court for visitation since it is proven he is biological father
unless he has criminal history, he should be awarded the usualy visitation, every other weekend, every other Christmas, and 2 months in the summer

Answer 9

try a good family law attorney