He's an LDS, I'm not..... Would it really work?

Question

I've been seeing this wonderful guy for over 12 months. Our problem is that he is an LDS, and I am not. While I love him dearly, I can't see how things could work out in future for us. Although I respect his beliefs, and go to Church occasionally with him, I'm not ready to take them on myself. I'm also not willing to raise my children with those beliefs. He's suggested moving in together, and giving up his church, but in his heart, I'm not sure if that's what he really wants to do. I'd love any advice or thoughts. The whole situation really hurts.

We don't have children now... I'm thinking of the future.

I understand that the Latter Day Saints (Mormons) religion is more a way of life, than just something they believe in. I'm not religious at all = probably more wiccan inclined (and he knows this).

He doesn't seem to see the problem in it, until I harped on about it.

I would never ask him to change, because doing that, would be as bad as him asking me to become a member and I couldn't do it.

We broke up last night, but I really don't know if it was the right decision.

He lives with one of his parents, who is very religious, and I think they enforce the beliefs onto him. As long as he's under their roof, he'll tow the line.

Do you think there's a possibility things would change?

Answer 1

all you can do is judge him by his actions-is he good to you-are you happy with him-when you wake up in the morning and see him for the first time do you smile-does he-everyone is different-with different beliefs and i dont think that is whats important-what is important is the acceptance of a person for what they are-if you are looking for a person to change then that might not be the right person for you but if you can take that person as they are and the same comes back from them you just might have a good thing there----just my opinion--smile and enjoy the day

Answer 2

You both need to be completely honest with each other, which your not. He suggested moving in together but he's not being honest. that's not what he want's to do and knows it will create more strain or problems with you because he's not being honest from the start. Your not being honest because you have rejected his beliefs and way of life but you haven't told him that yet. your keeping that hidden from him so you can stay with him. This situation will never go away either. You can't reject his beliefs and just keep the person. His beliefs defines who he is. if he is such a wonderful guy that you say he is, then there is a reason for it. I married a non lds girl and it has been a problem from the begining. we haven't talked about religion in three years so i know what's it's like.

email me if you have questions, thanks

Answer 3

are you in love with this guy or are you in love with the ideal of being in love? Seriously, if you two disagree on even one point it is a major one. Also I am not sure if you meant you already have children or not but do you really want to bring them into a relationship that is starting out with such a big controversy? If you meant children that you two might have in the future, I guess I could ask the same question. I think you would be much happier in the long run if you find someone in which you start out having more in common. People change over time, but do not try to change yourself or the person you are in 'love' with in order to make your life a happy one.

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

well mixing religions in a relationship is always a tough blend. With something like LDS and Christain i think it would be very difficult.
Though he may say all of that to you because he loves you, i doubt he would really want to be ex-communicated just to be married, and the differences in doctrine would definitly be very confusing to raise your children under; as there are major differences in doctrine, unlike, lets say Judiasm & Christianity or Catholicism, where the only real major difference is what they believe on Christ. [ i mean, there is that same problem with LDS & Christains, but, LDS believes him to be Christ, except that he's not fully God and we all become gods and stuff, which is anti-biblical;] Judiasm rejects him altogther; BUT i'd say, he sounds like a really great guy. Mormons are great people, and really all about family and so on; he'd probably be a great father to his children. But, i'm sure his religion is important to him, just like yours is to you. Maybe talk about it with him some more, expolre your options. If you love him [really] then you want the best for him, and to see him happy, not just worried about yourself. But if your beliefs are central to who you are, then, you want to keep them. So, it may turn out that the relationship has to end; but then, mabye not. Talk some more with him on it, have a good long talk, and maybe you'll both know where you stand now, so that neither of you get more broken-hearted down the line.
Good Luck to you. ♥

Answer 5

Im not sure I can answer the question correctly without knowing what a LDS is, but I am going to try. You should never be letting a difference of religion get between you and a loved one. Religion is there to bring you peace of mind and tranquility, something the peoples of this world need to wake up and realize. You two have to get religion out of the equation if you want to live with each other happily.

Answer 6

Being ex-mormon, I would say hsi goals should have gone like this, go date ONLY mormon gals, go on a mission after going to the temple himself, he sounds liek a Jack mormon ( a mormon who doesn't regulary attend church or live up to It's standards) but he may have not fully left the church either and can return to it, if he has not fully left, and does not think he was ever brainwashed, he will return (like a return missionary-LOL) he will marry you civily (outside of the temple) and may try to get you to then prepare for a temple marriage, this is possible, even though he did not go on his mission trip and date mormon women like he was suppose to. That means you will be wearing that fun temple underwear til the day you die, so you may want to think about it and goto the websites that tell you what a temple marriage is really all about.

Answer 7

If he is suggesting 'moving in', he has already left the Church in his heart. A couple needs to be unified about religion, even if it is agreeing to follow separate faiths. They must have a love that overcomes differences, and doesn't let them create a divide. You seem to have little common ground except that he is willing dump his beliefs for you.

Answer 8

I sense disaster - that hurt you feel is your heart telling you to leave him.

It is tough after such an investment - 12 months is a very long time - but you will heal and find someone whose beliefs are more compatible with your own.

Answer 9

Sounds like you've already made up your mind about how important it is and you've already examined the possible future and identified what will be some insurmountable hurdles.

My experience with LDS members leads me to believe that its' a lost cause. It's a cult with very strong inculcation.

Answer 10

If your a Christian and he is a LDS then your beliefs and his beliefs will be completely different. Christians believe in the full bible and the LDS are more like a cult or can even call them a cult and they have a different Jesus then Christian have and also have so many different doctrines that go against what the bible teaches.
If your a Christians pray and maybe if he is for you and God may allow him to become a Christian then your on a winner.