My four year old is very difficult?

Question

He talks back, throws temper tantrums, never does what he is told, and is just down right defiant. He doesn't hit or bite but he is really defiant. Spankings don't work, he'll just scream that "he isn't your friend anymore' and "I love my nanny more than you, you're mean" The corner didn't work, he talks throughout the entire time and when I tell him to hush he says but I'm trying to tell you something!! And he will repeat this until he gets to say what he wants to. I need something that is REALLY going to work!!

Audie, you shouldn't make those kind of assumptions. Ask first. I do not work, and Nanny is his grandma. Now that we have that cleared, maybe you could try again!

Answer 1

Hello.
I hope I can help you.I mind my 4 year old grandaughter,and have done since she was 6 months old.
She can also be very defiant and stubborn.
Ignoring her is not always the best answer,I bluff my way out of difficult situations,for example,if we are going out and she refuses to get dressed,I get ready and head for the door,call out "I will see later".Next minute there is a yell,and there she is dressed and ready to go.Talking Back.try making out you are crying,like making sobbing noises,I think you will find a positive response.Lastly,put him in a room with the door shut,and no matter how loud he yells,leave him.
I think you will find within a very short time he will realise he can't win.Lastl of all ,I f you could completely ignore his temper tantrums,with no reaction at all,I think he will soon think it is not worth the effort. Good Luck

Answer 2

Well he apparently doesn't like the corner, so since he is 4 he should go in the corner for 4 mins. Set a timer for 4 mins. and tell him that if he talks while he is in time out that you will reset it(put it back to 4 mins. again), same if he gets out of the corner, etc. Explain to him that if he has something to tell you it needs to be done AFTER timeout. If hes throwing a temper tantrum don't talk to him or try to reason, simply pick him up, put him in the corner and set the timer, the end, you win and he doesn't get the attention for being bad. When he doesn't do what he is told, for example, picking up his toys, do not let him do anything else until he picks them up. Again, don't give or or try to make a deal with him, he is going to do what you say regardless of how long it takes. When he doesn't do it, take him to the toys again, all you need to do is tell him to pick them up, thats it, no explanations. Hope this helps, Good Luck

Answer 3

It sounds like he needs a time out spot. Like a chair or bench. He should be in time out for 1 minute for each year. So it should be for four minutes right now. While he is in time out ignore him. Don't tell him to hush just walk away. Also, if he doesn't stop the behavior and insists on continuing with the behavior warn him that he will go into another time out. Don't give in unless he is trying to be reasonable and be good. It sounds like maybe you feel guilty for having a nanny and he is using that to his advantage.

Answer 4

It's been my experience that children act out what they see. It may not be your intentions, I know I'm guilty of this, but if he sees or is around things such as grown up arguments, even if they don't escalate, such as raised voices, mean tones, apparent anger, he will act that way. Same with tantrums. If he sees the adults in his life throwing "tantrums" he is more likely to throw them as well. I agree with choose your battles, but that's for YOUR sake....and stay with consistency. Pick a discipline that works for YOU, and stick to it. Even if it seems useless at first, your child will get the point, that every time he does something wrong, he's going to get something he doesn't like, he will eventually know the specific consequence for each action and then will in return, choose his battles. My husband and I always make sure our children don't witness any negative behavior from us, and we keep it behind closed doors. My kids very rarely throw a tantrum, but when they do, they know they get time out in the corner. Another method a co-worker of mine uses is instead of time out, her 6 year old has to "fly" (keep her arms up and out to the side) for up to as long as 30 minutes depending on the misbehavior.

Answer 5

Maybe you should listen to what he is trying to say. Usually when kids act like this there is a reason, and as a parent it is up to you to find out what that is. It could be something to do with his nanny, or anger that you are at work when he needs you. Stop yelling long enough to hear what he has to say.

Answer 6

First, I have a question for you: Do you try to make him do as you say? Or are you letting him experience some independence-simple decision making?
jChoose your battles--
Do you let him choose between two outfits to wear for the day? Or just let him choose? It's okay if he wants to wear a striped shirt of one color, and pants of another, whether they go together or not.
Spanking won't work, as you have discovered.
The only decisions he should not have to make, are what time is bedtime, dinnertime, etc. Having a set routine helps, with being flexible as needed.
You probably already have bedtime routine-bath, snack, brush teeth, sotry time, and lights out.
You need to listen to him at this time in his life, or you will be training him to shut you out throughout his growing up/teen years.
Take care.

Answer 7

Id start taking away his favorite things. He needs to understand consequences for his behavior.

Answer 8

Try ignoring him. He'll HATE that! Only pay attention when he's doing nice things, and praise him for that. (I'm so proud of you when you're...."