My parents have always been sort-of obtuse and rather selfish, and we "had it out" (huge fight) in April of this year, and I cut them out of my life (they live out of state, so it was easy). It's a family tradition ... I have two older brothers who did the same thing, 16 and 10 years ago, respectively - none of us has seen or heard from them in that time... but I digress.
HERE'S MY QUESTION:
I got a letter in the mail today from my father, addressed to my 7-year-old daughter (whose name he has previously not known how to spell correctly).
Should I stamp it "REFUSED - RETURN TO SENDER"? Or just let her have it?
I'm not going to "re-kindle" any kind of relationship with my father or stepmother (mother's been dead for 25 years) ... I feel more at peace than at any other time in my life. My wife's parents are so much better to my daughter than my parents have ever thought of being, so it's not like she can't get along without MY folks.
Suggestions?
2007-11-07 16:45:47 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You've made you're dcision. I can see you're dilemma, if in years to come you're parents should contact you're daughter again you'd need to ?explain? what happened.
Keep it the way it always has been. My dad had the same situation with me and his parents. They had an argument over the death of my uncle and his funeral arrangements and my dad decided that he no longer wanted anything to do with them.
Basically, he told me that i shouldn't expect anything from them period. It kind of made sense as they were never around. About 2 years later, we got letters with cheques for £100 each for christmas despite not hearing anything from them during those 2 years. Needless to say, he sent them back ripped up
Some things go too deep to heal, i think you'd be right to stop any contact from them. I've never questioned my dads decision.(in fact i dont even know what the bust up was specifically about)
2007-11-07 17:06:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The past is not resolved and until it is fully expressed and nothing lied about or hidden the conflict and ill feelings will always be there. If you really want to be a good part of this family I would suggest you find a babysitter and the three of you truly sit down and talk this thing out until you are completely bored out of your skulls about the past. It might take a few hours and it might be unpleasant but each person should have something to say and be heard. All of you. Each of you are right and wrong and secrets are family killers. Come clean and show that you have seen how you did things but the outcome is good and nothing you would want to change. This is your husband's mother and the grandmother of your children. All mothers make mistakes and are equally critical of other mothers as well. But once the air is clear her mutterings will be nothing that can hurt you. It is your guilt that hurts you and the children are the final victims of the adults that need to grow up.
2016-05-28 09:23:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your asking this primarily as a question about mail etiquette, I don't think your under any obligation to give it your daughter simply because it's addressed to her rather than you. It's your job to make these type of decisions as her father. Just stamp it refused and send it back.
I am presuming that this isn't just some petty family squabble that's going to blow over. If you found the relationship with your parents to be so dysfunctional, that you felt you had to cut them out of your life completely and had no other options then it seems to me only reasonable that you would not want your daughter to have any contact with them either.
You didn't mention any details about the blowout. The only the thing I would mention is just be honest with yourself and make sure this isn't something your blowing out of proportion.
2007-11-07 17:04:45 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a judgment call only you can make since you are your child's parent, but unless there was some sort of serious threat from the grandparent, I would let my daughter have the letter.
In my estimation, it would be wrong to cut your daughter's ties with her grandfather only due to the fact you and he don't get along. In time, your daughter may respect you more for allowing her to make her own choice about her grandfather.
Wishing the best for you all.
2007-11-07 17:07:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if all the kids have stop talking to your parents, I'll assume there is a good reason why.
And if you feel good about your decision, I will assume there is a good reason why.
So, given that, there is no reason you should give the letter to your daughter. You want your parents out of your life, because they are hurtful people. So it is best if you don't expose your daughter to them. Likely, he is trying to rope you back into communication by communicating with your daughter.
Send it back.
2007-11-07 16:53:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
~~~~~~~~~~~NO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You had a blowout with your family. NOT your daughter. You should not keep your children from having a relationship w/ your parents. Even if you don't like them.
when your kids get older they can make the decision on how to handle a relationship with your parents.
They may discover a hidden caring part of them you have never seen. Or they may feel the same and want to keep them at a distance.
But this is their decision~~~~~~~~not yours.
Let them have a relationship w/ your parents.
As long as it is not abusive or hurtful in any way.
If that happens then you can step in and place limits on their contact w/ your kids.
2007-11-07 16:54:16 · answer #6 · answered by sasha1641 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It is your daughters letter from her grandparent. Read it and make sure it is appropriate, and if it is, give it to her and tell her something nice about her grandparents...including you mother who past away. Your daughter has a right to be a grandaughter, obviously she will not be having any constant interaction, but a letter or a phone call is a nice start.
2007-11-07 17:17:12 · answer #7 · answered by catywhumpass 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Read it first. Make sure they arent using her to get to you. If you let them in her life you are ultimately opening the door for them to be in your life. If you decide to not let her have it do not send it back. It will only give them a weapon to use against you. So if you dont want her to have it just throw it away.
2007-11-07 16:56:35 · answer #8 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your child is only seven years old not able to fully understand the complex relationship between you and your parents...with that in mind do whatever makes you happy.
2007-11-07 17:12:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when has shutting our your parents from your life ever become a family tradition???!!! dude, what planet are you in? you owe them your life, you ungrateful @#&^!
bear in mind that you can always have another wife, another daughter, other in-laws, but never ever another set of parents!
i could go on forever telling you to trash your foolish ways but who cares? it's your life, and if you wanna live a miserable one, go on. spend a lifetime trying to deceive yourself you can always live without your folks. let's just see what happens if someday your daughter would do the same thing to you! karma!
gosh, you're such a loser!
2007-11-07 16:57:55 · answer #10 · answered by dotted.nose 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋