what should i do with my girlfriend?

Question

i just turn 20 and my girl friend is 19 we been dating for 9 month. when we started to go out she told me that she was a virgin, after the second month i found out that she is not a virgin and she told me she's been with one person one time when she was 15, after we been togater for 9 month i just found out that she is been with 4 other guys. she is been with a guy that she only knew for a month and a guy she knew for 4 month and another guy that she knew for 2 month and another who she dated for a while. she is a realy nice girl that says she is deeply in love with me and she keeps on crying and tells me to trust her. The thing that pisses me off the most is that she says that she never enjoyed it, but she keep on missing around(each guy that she is been with wasnt more than 3 times). im in love with her, but i dont know if i can trust her? i love her but every time i look at her i think of everything she has done in the past and it makes me crayz. what should i do??

i did have sex with her...i wasnt trying to have sex with her she kinda took my pants off

Answer 1

She was with other guys before you and her got together? Or after?

If before, it's up to you if you can handle her past. I can't answer that question for you.

If it's after, you probably should let her go. If she is cheating already, she's going to probably continue.

Good luck.

Answer 2

She probably though you would think less of her. When you love someone it is terrorfying to think they will leave you, especially because of some mistakes you made before them.
And take it from me, just because you 'messed around' a lot doesn't mean you enjoyed it. I had two partners I'd know only a short while and I did not enjoy it at all. It wasn't about the sex, it was about my own issues. When I met my fiance it was the first time in my life that sex was enjoyable.
What she did before you isn't part of your relationship now, its only an issue if you make it one. If you really love her, then you should try understand how she feels and where she is coming from. You have her now and you have the chance to make her happy and safe like she has never been before. Would you really pass that up? Take it from me, the past is a complicated place and only love can free you from it.
Good luck, be gentle with her.

Answer 3

I wouldn't trust her. At 19 she should be mature enough to tell you the truth to begin with, you shouldn't be finding this all out NOW!! In addition, you should not care that she has been with other people, she is old enough to make those types of choices unless you are looking for a very religious person. If you have slept with her then you are ridiculous to judge her past relationships; if not then you still have to accept her for who she is. If you want a virgin, you better look for a 14 year old- kidding, but really, be reasonable!!

Answer 4

U and her need to really work somethings. She needs to come 100% clean with u if she really wants to be with u. She may have said that she was a virgin with u because she was afraid if she told u the truth about the guys she was with u would look at her as if she's a whore or slut. So she said she was a virgin to make u like her more( that happens a lot) the guys in her past were guys who she may have thought really cared about her and the way to show it was for her to have sex with them. Now she meets u and u may have been very different from those guys in her past and u made her feel good and she really like u that she got scared because she have deep feelings for you and if u knew about her past u would leave her and she may never ever find someone like u again, so she didn't want to tell u about her past with the other guys. But as time went on she thougth " WOW HE;S SUCH A SWEET AND KIND GUY"

And she didnt want to have her past hanging over the relationship so she told u because she rather not have it hunting the relationship. Now that she told u she may feel better that u at least know but at the sametime she was very scared that u would still end the relationship.

So thats reason she crys is because even thought Ur still with her U know something embarrassing about her and u may think it over and still dump because u not only can't handle that she had been with a few guys in a short time she's was with them , but that she lied to you and she thinks that u may think she's lying about how she feels about u and if she likely to mess around behind your back. And she may be thinking that Ur gonna always bring the past up and wonder why she was so easy to have sex with those guys after only know them for just a short time.

U say u trust her. DO U REALLY?

Because if U gonna be with her then u need to talk this thing out more, and lay your cards on the table about the do's and don;t's, the pros and cons( also have her get tested) that can also be a test in how she REALLY feels about u and the relationship. BETTER SAFE THEN SORRY!!

I may she did lie, she has been with a few guys and do u wonder if she will go backwards( what I mean by that is will she return to her habit if sleeping around) and do u wonder did she tell those guys the samething she told u about being a virgin?

Sometimes it's best not to tell about the past because it can over a affect on the future. But the funny thing about the past is even thought it's pasted it sometimes has a way of coming back to hunt ya.

It doesn't sound like your 100% sure of her and how it may all workout with you and her.

She may very well love and want a serious relationship with you,but u gonna have to say those 4 words that NO one likes to hear and that can hurt a relationship " WE NEED TO TALK"

I know some may say it's in the past , it was before she knew u. But thats not true a mate's sexual past is important because u need to know . Thats why I suggested she get tested, even if she said she used condoms u may not want to believe that because after all she did lie and say she was a virgin and it turns out that she was with 4 guys more then 3times ( she say)


Theres nothing wrong with u loving her, but ther is also nothing wrong with u wanting to know more about those guys.

So talk with her the more u know the better. She is gonna have to earn ur trust if she really loves and wants to be with u.

I hope it works out and I really hope she's being straight up

Good Luck

Answer 5

Does it really matter who she has been with in the past. I think you need to come to terms with what ever, and who ever, she has done in the past and look to the future. If she is someone that you can see spending a good deal of time with than it shouldn't do anything to disuade your feelings for her.

Now, on the flipside of that, Why is she lying about the kind of stuff that makes no sense to lie about? What else could she be lying about?

If it were me, and it has been in the past, I would try to feel the situation out and play the waiting game. I say to trust her until she actually does something wrong. Alot of people don't like to talk about their past.

Answer 6

If you love her why should it matter what she did in the past this is now. Just let the past be the past.. Maybe she wants to forget it too? eventually it will pass i felt simuilar with my bf and were just fine now just wait and you will see. I mean you act like you didnt have relations before her? or did you? but also she told you right ? so therefore you can trust her it just means she wasnt ready to tell u until when she told you thats all. i was the same i didnt tell my bf things until months later i just wasnt ready yet. obviously she wasnt ready yet. but she can be trusted it just takes time to fully trust each other thats all.

Answer 7

Relationships are based on trust and if it's already driving you crazy; it'll drive you crazier in the future when she lies about something else.

I think she still has some growing up to do and she's not ready for a real relationship. Meanwhile, you should probably let her go so that you can save your own sanity and find someone that will be honest with you.

Answer 8

You aren't going to like my answer, but you asked.

How many guys she has slept with before you dated is immaterial. And you are not upset that she messed aroud with them. You are upset that she hasn't messed around with you.

In reality, you aren't in love -- you are competitive and hate the fact that others have planted their flag on the hill while you have waited and gotten nowhere. And then, of course, there is the fact that she lied to you. Twice: Once with "I'm a virgin" then again ignoring the "4 other guys."

Your real question is: Do I want to spend my life, love and energy on a girl who has a habit of lying to me?

Answer that and let us know what happens.

Dr.G
Who had a lying ex-fiancee, then found a great woman and married her.

Answer 9

Y oure very young , the reason she lied is because she wants you to love her. probably wants things to be perfect.
Hello there life is not perfect, I'magine if you were 30 and she was 29, and she had been with oh 25 guys, how would you feel then?
what im saying is forgive her, and dont let this make you feel insecure, its not worth it.

Answer 10

What you need to find out is why she lied in the first place. As much as you think you love her, she hasn't been honest with you. You need to decide if the relationship is worth it, and if you can accept any more lies that may come up.

I'm not saying walk out, but take a step back. Find out everything she lied about and the true story. Then decide what to do. But what else has she lied about??

Answer 11

Maybe she was ashamed of her past, or she thought that you would think less of her if you knew. Tell her you need honesty to continue the relationship,then ask her if she has anything else that you should know.
As long as her sexual encounters were before you,I think you should forgive them. Young girls are often ashamed that they are coaxed into sex.
Think it through, do you love her, if so all of this is forgivable, once again if all happened before your relationship with her.