Was this rape? (long read)?

Question

(I was very hesitant to post this because I am very sensitive about this subject. I hate thinking about it and I know it does not reflect what type of person I am today.)

I meet this guy just a few days before I turned 16. He was 18. Then night I meet him I had sex with him. We continued this relationship. We talked all the time on the phone. One night he asked me if I would ever have a three some with him and his cousin. I said sure but I was joking. A couple days later I heard a few rocks at my window. I look out; I see him and another guy. I walk out all cheery. Though then he asks if I will have sex with him and his cousin. I was shocked, I told him no. He didn't even say he was bringing his friend he just came over. I am not sure but I think I was crying. I had my face against the wall not looking at him. The most disgusting thing about it was when he leaned up against me he had a bon*r. How could he be horny when I am sitting their being really upset?

I would not give in that night. So they went home. He finally convinces me another night to have sex with his cousin and him. I didn’t want to but I felt severely pressured! He just kept bringing different people over. It was a total of 5 people. I would lie in my room praying to God that he would not come that night. When I heard rocks pecking at my window. I tried to ignore it but my sister was in the room and she would have woke up. I remember one night I told him I didn’t want to come out because I was sick. All he did was complain and get mad till I did. Before I forget, I was in love with this man. I was afraid what would happen if I actually said no. One night he actually brought 4 other guys with him. That night I was just about crying. It was so disgusting walking to this place for them to have sex with me. While they all stared at me as I walked. The thing that stopped this whole thing was my dad. I never had the guts to tell him “just leave me alone”.

At that point I didn’t even like him that much anymore. I don’t even know how many people where there that night, who knows. I heard some noise outside. I looked out and there they were. Then all of a sudden I hear my dad walk out and start cursing at them. They ran away so fast! Out of all this I became pregnant. I don’t honest know which one of those bast*rds they were. I don’t have any contact with them and the birth certificate says unknown. I am not extremely traumatized by it that I notice. I just hate to think and talk about it. Though could I be and not know it? Could it have affect on me without me noticing? Was this rape?!
I felt the reasons I did this was because I was looking for love in all the wrong places. As a result of my mom dyeing at thirteen. I am 19 now.

By the way I am not like that any more. I have only had sex with one person after this. My boyfriend of 2 years. I respect my self now and am a totally different person. I don't really want to contact them. It is the decisions I made because I didn't want their kind of influence on my son. They were not the most high class people. They did drugs and went to jail. They surely have not contacted me or cared to try. I tried once to contact the main guy he told me not to bother him. So I didn't. If tried to get child support he might try and take him away. i don't want to take that chance. I lived in Hawaii at the time but now I am in Indiana.

Answer 1

You've gone through a horrible experience here, and I really feel for you.

Depending on the local laws I think the early sexual encounters would probably count as statutory rape, so anyone who had sex with you before you were sixteen broke the law and could be prosecuted. Anything above the age of consent would be legal as long as you consented, which unfortunately it sounds like you effectively did, however misguided your reasons for doing so. You could argue that you were emotionally vulnerable and were coerced or bullied into sex, but I'm sad to say you might struggle to get a conviction, as you have precious little evidence to support your case and its your word against that of several other people.

You need to decide whether you want to go through the experience of reporting this to the police, bearing in mind you won't necessarily win a court case. I certainly think these people are vile, abusive individuals (especially that boyfriend) who deserve to be punished for what they've done, and prevented from doing anything similar again. On the other hand you sound like you've moved on (emotionally and geographically), so you might want to put it behind you and get some counselling instead. It's your call, please do whatever is right for you.

Please remember that you were extremely unlucky with these early experiences, there are a great many decent people in the world who won't abuse you like this. Your current partner sounds like a good man, for a start. If you're comfortable doing so it might be worth discussing this with him, so he can help support you through any counselling you may choose to have.

Take care x

Answer 2

Let me explain this to you in a biological sense without any stigma or psychology.

At 16 your hormones were going crazy probably rousing the tomcats around you. You were in a peak reproductive state. You were not unlike a cat. The normal biological activities of a cat are exactly the same.

Basically, your dad let the cat out of the bag. My dad did the same thing with my cat when she went into heat, he opened up the door to my apartment to go have a smoke and she ran out. The next morning I found her with 10 tomcats.

You did not understand any of this emotionally nor psychologically. Don't let it traumatize you. It's normal biology.

In a ruleless society, such as with cats, your experience would be a normal function. Multiple males ensures impregnation and survival of the species because some sperm are designed to fight other foreigner sperm in order for the penetrating sperm to reach the egg. The strongest sperm of your tomcats won.

Nowadays, society has outlined what is 'appropriate' for biological reproduction. However, these 'rules' are constantly broken because, although you can have battles with mother nature, you will eventually lose the war.

Answer 3

He took full advantage of you, yes, because he knew you would continue to give in, trying to prove your love to him. But you did consent, so I'm not sure if a jury would actually convict him of rape, although statutory rape would come into play here, because you were under age.
What a slime bag. I've known many people in my life like him. You've done the right thing by moving on and raising your son.
You'll always remember what happened... and that's what keeps you going on the straight path you're on now. You don't want to repeat those mistakes again.
Seek counseling to help ease your mind. Talking to someone about this really helps and puts things in perspective.
Bravo!!! on sharing your story with us.

Answer 4

It doesn't sound like it was forcible rape because you weren't physically forced to have sex, but it may be statutory rape depending on the law of the state where this occurred. (Check the source below for your state.) I hope that sharing your story has helped you to feel better. And who says you shouldn't be asking people on Yahoo Answers about your situation? I get that, too, from time to time... and then they go right on ahead and tell me where to get the information I need! And, one thing I didn't quite understand is why you can't find out all those guys names and find out which one is the father. You can have them take a paternity test for that, but I don't know how you could compel them to do so. It may be advisable to seek the advice of a lawyer about the whole thing.

Answer 5

My dear girl, you need to do something n not try to bury this incident. Whether u were of legal age of consentual sex at that time is immaterial. Bring the rapists to face the law. An old lady cld be gang raped too. This is a criminal case and i wld advise u not to waste any time but to take appropriate actions and make these criminals pay for their crime. Pls do not ignore this for u might be haunted by this incident n regret for life if u do not take any action.

Remember, this is not yr fault that you were gang raped. Be strong, do what needs to be done. At least u hv taken responsibility for that incident, then to feel sorry and blame yrself. I wish you all the best. Take care.

Answer 6

I think you have made the right decision about not telling him because I agree that he should have nothing to do with your son. It sounds as tho you are working through this fine. I would suggest a therapist but I know not everyone can or would go to one. So if you need it in the future its always an option. So forget the child support from the SOB and if you need state assistance and they refuse to give it to you because the father is unknown then tell them you raped and you don't know who it was.

Answer 7

The first incident with the cousin would be considered "sexual misconduct" first degree here. Which is a felony.

The other incidents, it is a very gray area. Possibly sexual misconduct in the third degree. On the one hand you consented, on the other you were pressured. I don't think a prosecutor would pick up that case though, since you seemed to consent.

Best advice, just avoid putting yourself in that situation again. If you don't want to have sex with someone, say no. If they insist, say no again. If they keep insisting, call the police.

Answer 8

I confident AS wish an rather long term OR something of YOUR life!!!!! RAPE is extremely severe AND THE RAPIST additionally should should BE SLASHED WITH THE WHIP 20 situations an afternoon IN detention center IF not THE loss of life PENALTY!! MAKE HIM go through!!!!

Answer 9

Sorry to say sweetie but it's not rape you wanted affection from a man and that was the only kind of affection you accepted. You need to have more confidence in yourself. That low life only saw you as an object and not a human being and you let him believe that. It's not rape because although you didn't want to you didn't willingly seek help or made it know that you didn't want him touching you let alone have sex with him or any one else. You can't let men manipulate you to do anything they want. But that doesn't say much for him because if he did see you crying then he's just heartless to even care or respect you. You should go to your local church for advice or a school couselor.

Answer 10

I don't think it could be classified as rape. Clearly, you were bullied and pressured but I'm not sure where that stands in the lawbooks. If this hapened in Hawaii and you'd like to press charges this will get you started: http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/states/hidv.shtml

I'm sorry that you had to experience that.