She has done and still to this day does things to me to hurt me. Its like she wants to see me happy, but when I'm happy she hates it! My MOTHER Has A Drinking Problem and when she drinks she is the devil her self. I'm tired of her and her ways. She is a Burden on me and I dont like that. She causing problems with me and my personall life and she is stressing me out. This has been going on for some time now, ever since I was small. I went to a foster home because of her drinking. I'm 21 now and she still acts the same. She makes me wish she dosent exist or that she would just go away. She picks at everything I do and everyone i'm with. One minute she loves me and the next she hates me. She is a abusive, and mentally abusive. I'm tired of crying over someone, who dosent give a hell about me, but acts like it when their Sober!! If You Love Someone, It Hurts To Leave That Person Alone, But When A Person Is A Threat To You What Do You Do
2007-11-07 14:31:48 · 8 answers · asked by T 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Its quite normal to feel that way given the things you have gone though with your Mom. But as much as you say you hate her, you still love her and want to help her somehow, am I right? It will hurt you to leave her but she is destroying the life you wanted to live for yourself.
My first advice would be for you to talk to her about it when she is sober, but if that doesn't work and you think your Mom's situation is beyound your contral already, my advice then is for you to seek help for your Mom. I'm sure there are institutions in your comunity that councels to such problems as alcoholism of your Mom. Contact them.
Yes you are 21 and of the age to just go and make a life of your own, but don't do it withot atleast making an effort to help your Mom also. Your Mom must have gone through a lot of hurts in the past and her personality was not able to cope up with it. It is sad but you are still her daughter and most probably be the only one left to help her. If you leave without even trying, imagine how would this affect your Mom. You said so yourself, she is a different person when she is sober, she is your Mom again when she is sober. In your Mom's heart she knows she loves you so much but alcohol is taking over her and destroying her totally. My heart goes out to your Mom and I will be praying for her. I'm sure she is not totally a bad person, just a weak one.
We cannot choose our parents but we can choose not to be like them. God bless you for loving your Mom.
2007-11-07 15:27:15 · answer #1 · answered by Reese 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've had to let go of both of my parents; one for a drinking problem and one for just being a constant emotional drain. I can tell you that it doesn't really make it much easier. You still have all the baggage of what jerks they are, how you still love them and how you will never have the relationship with them you hoped for throughout your life. It does keep them from disrupting your life as often. It frees up your holidays so you can do things and be with people who make you happy. But, the truth is, it is always bitter sweet. I'm so sorry this is the situation you have to be in. No matter what you choose, you will have to find a way to forgive and move on. I recommend SARK's books.
2007-11-07 22:52:25 · answer #2 · answered by Glee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs the LORD hon.
She escapes all her troubles and worries and facing reality by hiding behind the bottle and drinking herself into a stupor.
If she would turn to the LORD , THEN she could learn to face reality without the bottle and the LORD could deliver her from her addiction to alcohol which she is a slave to.
Take her to church, one that has the power of GOD present.The United Pentecostal churches are good and JESUS IS the ONLY one WHO can help her.You cannot save her neither can any rehab program.
Just try to understand though, her childhood may have been bad and getting hooked on alcohol helped her to drown out those sorrows until she became a slave to it.If she had been living for the LORD ,your life would have been very different.
2007-11-07 22:49:32 · answer #3 · answered by Joe F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are soooo understandable! Don't ever doubt feelings. They just are what they are, no wrong or right about them. The problem sounds like your mom has an incredibly self-centered personality, made very cruel and vicious by her alcoholism. These elements about your mother are strictly her choice. If she wanted to improve her relationship with you she could stop drinking and get alot of counseling. (In either order) As of yet it sounds like she has not chosen to do anything of the sort. This means, in my opinion, that you have the right and obligation to take care of yourself. As things are now, she is poison to you mentally and emotionally. Be grateful you survived such a painfully sad childhood and move on to happier surroundings. If she wants to be part of your life, she can change the things about herself that are so negative and hazardous to your happiness. If she doesn't, you will be on your way to finding people who are capable of caring and sharing happiness with you. There truly are people in the worlld who will be comfortable and enjoyable to be with. Go on a search. Don't stop until you find them!! Bye, Bye Poison MOM!!! Hello Happiness for you!!!
2007-11-07 22:51:38 · answer #4 · answered by sunny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep in mind that alcohol changes the way people act, i dont think u should hate her, you should forgive her but let her know that if thats how she is gonna treat u then you are going to stay away from her, keep your distance but dont ever hate her you never know when she will be gone
2007-11-07 22:52:31 · answer #5 · answered by *TiFfAnY*<3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you're old enough to judge for yourself and now that you're 21, her approval isn't necessary. if she picks at everything you do, just think to yourself that it doesn't matter. You are who you are. You dont' have to change. She doesn't need to tell you who to be.
2007-11-07 22:42:40 · answer #6 · answered by head in the clouds 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are 21 now you need to let go of your wanting her approval.. it wont happen till she gets sober. do not be sucked into her drama don't live with her and go to Al-anon
2007-11-07 22:39:27 · answer #7 · answered by sheilasays 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
make yourself less available. if she starts up tell her you are busy and will talk to her later. hang up or leave.
no one can treat you badly unless you allow it. don't allow it any more.
2007-11-07 23:43:33 · answer #8 · answered by KRIS 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋