My sister is 17 years old and last year this guy that dad had known from work met her and liked her a lot and talked to daddy about marrying her and he said he would love to have him as a son in law and then talked to my sister and asked her about it and she said yes she would. Well, as a brideprice this man helped daddy build a room on the house and provided free labor worth thousands of dollars. Well, my sister was supposed to marry this guy in a few months and now she is telling me she is having second thoughts and wants to go to college but she hasn't told anyone this but me and I tried telling her that is not necessary because this man could support her and she needs to stay at home with her future children!! Plus, daddy would owe thousands of dollars to this man if she didn't marry him!!!! She still said she was thinking about calling it off!! I tried to tell her that is equivalent to commiting adultery and she doesn't believe me. WHAT ELSE SHOULD I TELL HER??!!?
2007-11-07 14:20:06 · 48 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
you should mind your own business.
2007-11-07 14:22:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 4⤋
That is not commiting adultery. If your sister doesn't want to marry this man, then DADDY will just have to deal and so will the rest of you. She needs to do what will make her happy, and not everyone else. College is a very good thing, and at 17 what the heck is she doing getting married? That is far to young to be getting married. Maybe you and DADDY should back off and let her live her life rather than just pressuring her into a huge mistake. If she feels it's not right now, it will probably end up in a divorce anyways. Let her live her life and back off. By the way what's a couple thousand dollars to your DADDY if your sister is happy for the rest of her life. If he has to have him get a loan to pay this man back.
2007-11-07 14:26:07 · answer #2 · answered by TAS 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She's young. IT's her time to change her mind. Would u rather her divorce her husband after a couple of years with kids, or worse, cheat on him due to her immaturity? I know this might be cultural, and ur concerned about ur dad's money issue, but if he's such a nice guy...then he'll let HER pay it off. She broke the engagement, SHE should pay him...not ur dad. LEt her work and pay him the money. She can stay home and go to college, but all her earnings should go to her ex. But ur dad or loans or whatever should put her through school.
Sure, she can go to school after marriage too, but she'll have more time to study before marriage and kids. She needs her own identity before taking on her husbands' too. IF not, she'll regret it...and later, so will her husband. Ur young, and u like ur sister's choice for a man, but do u really want her to marry someone just to make her family happy? Because once she's married, u guys are secondary to her, and she'll be sad and alone in her young marriage. Her children will feel it. ANd so will her husband. That's where the saying comes from...if mama ain't happy, ain't no body happy. IT's true, if the mother isn't happy, the whole household will be under a dark cloud.
Let her grow as a person. Then let her marry a man of her choosing. When she's older, she will be more mature, and can make a life altering decision like marriage, and won't back out. I know it's bad from ur standpoint, but divorce is worse....or worse yet, murder. You never know what could happen. Let her grow up and realize that marriage is a BIG thing, and u need to be able to handle it. U have to be ready, somewhat to take it on, and know what it entails. IT's more than cooking and cleaning, and haVIng kids, and pleasing ur man.
That knowledge only comes with age, and maturity. When she has all this, and meets someone else just as suitable for her, she'll appreciate him, and theirs will be a happy union.
2007-11-07 14:33:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
17 and wanting to marry? Sorry, but it's a GOOD thing that she's waiting until she's a bit older to marry. Rushing into anything is bad. Wow, I don't even get a PIERCING without waiting a while to make sure I want it, neverless MARRIAGE.
How dare you try to stop your sister from getting an education and saying that the "man can support her". It's her choice and you have no right to even discuss it with her if she doesn't want to. What era are you living in? And without an education, where would she be if the man left her? Working as a waitress? In a liquor store? As a stripper? A hooker? Not many jobs nowadays for older women without college education. Not to mention-- so what if he did free home work? Is your sister to be sold?
Also, why should nay woman stay home with the kids? Why not the man? And who even says that she has to have kids in the first plac? Leaving someone you aren't even married to is not a sin and it's not adultery.
You should tell your sister that you are insane and sick to ever try to FORCE her to live with someone she OBVIOUSLY doesn't want! You should tell her that it is her RIGHT to do whatever she wants and that an EDUCATION is the BEST THING that she can do for herself!
What is wrong with people that think like you? I mean, really?
2007-11-07 14:28:11 · answer #4 · answered by mathaowny 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
why can't she get married and go to college.? ya know They DO allow WOMEN in college these days it is 2007 not 1903. nothing says she has to have a zillion kids right away...She is 17 and may not want Kids right away. I know that was the last thing I wanted, and she should be allowed to go to college, She deserves and education and a career if she so desires. Marriage is a two way street and if Mr Wonderful does not see that, maybe her isn't Mr. Wonderful after all. And maybe your sister should have be en lighted and made aware of the conversation while it was going on, instead of after the fact. You sister is trying to live her life (the American Dream) She should be able to do that. as much as we hate to admit it, Marriage is not a first priority for every one. Sounds to me like you are trying to "control" her. She is toe one that is living her life., She is the one that may need the skills she can get in school to support the family at some future point. Shat if something happens to her husband? and she would have to be the family wage earner. An Education would be a handy thing to have. I would just leave her alone and let her live her life.
2007-11-07 14:43:55 · answer #5 · answered by littlerascal711 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
May be a better question is what else should you ask her. Maybe if I had listened to what I should have I would have ended up in a marriage and abuse. You need to find out why she wants out not why you think she should stay. It really is her life and if she is having doubts she needs to address them, ignoring them could be a very bad thing. If nothing else college is a good idea, and she is very young, she might be ont the right track. Let her live her life as she sees fit, just ask what you need to. It isnt the first and wont be the last decent guy. If he is truly in love with her he will wait.
2007-11-07 14:26:58 · answer #6 · answered by Crystal K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Instead of telling her what to do why don't you listen to her. She has confided in you and you should at least listen to what she has to say. It could be that he is abusive to her when there is no one else around. She should be allowed to get a college education. What would happen if her husband died in a freak accident leaving her with nothing else to live on. At least with an education she can make enough money to survive and care for any children that she might have. If he is not willing to let her get a degree then he is not worth having in the family.
2007-11-07 15:33:53 · answer #7 · answered by Hawaiiflower 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like its India - girls get pushed into marriage quite early, and dads have to pay a dowry.
I agree with the others. Sister has the right to make her own choice. If you dont want daddy to be embarrased, then why dont you marry the nice man?
2007-11-07 14:47:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it's only adultery if she strayed after going through with the wedding. Secondly, I think 17 is far too young for her to get married, because she has discovered she has so much more of her life in front of her. I'm sorry, but I have to side with your sister on this question.
2007-11-07 14:31:09 · answer #9 · answered by Robert V 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are u telling us that your dad sold your sister for labor ?Why this is ludicrous ,i think you should not pressure her to make a life long decision that is affecting her only because of a stupid barter.Is this not America ?your dad has sold his daughter for labor she is very right if she chooses school over marriage that's is her choice why don't you marry him she is 17 yrs old and has her whole life ahead of her how old is this guy anyway i bet he is like 50 or something,you support her whatever she decides
2007-11-07 14:29:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
She's not married to the guy, nor is she obliged to marry him. If she's having doubts, she shouldn't. Too many bad marriages now, why add another one? Obviously she trusts you enough to have confided in you, don't betray her. Just help her come to the conclusion that's right for her, don't try to coerce her because of what you believe. And how does adultry come into play here? Has she been shacking up with him?
2007-11-07 14:26:43 · answer #11 · answered by gilfinn 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋