Acceptable Discrimination?

Question

I'm a 47 year old white male who, today, was involved in a flirtatious little chit-chat with a 30 year old black female. At one point in our conversation she said "I would date you if you weren't too old."

Obviously, this woman believes it is perfectly acceptable to make discriminating decisions based solely on age.

But I wondered, afterward, how she would feel, or how she would respond, had I returned "you need not worry, I would never date a black woman."

Do we live in a culture where it is acceptable to discriminate based on age, but not on ethnicity? What say you?

Answer 1

I don't think she was discriminating, I think she was operating on the fact that in general, relationships with a large age gap are not successful, that the two individuals so not have that much in common. I wouldn't take it so personally.

Answer 2

The reality is.. it is acceptable to discriminate on many things..

Age.. You're too old, You're too young.

Size.. while you'd never state.. you're too fat.. it's perfectly okay to say .. Boy you're a bone..

Height.. it's okay to say,.. Wow you're tall.. but it's insulting if someone comments your short..

Hair color.. I like Blondes.. don't like brunettes..

Or other phyical development.. I don't like freckles.. I like full lips.. etc etc etc..

When it comes down to it.. Discrimination comes in many forms other than skin color..

With all that said.. it would hurt the cashier if you made a discriminatory remark based on her race.. that's reality.. and so I'm guessing that the fact you've played with the thought that you should have said "I'd never date a black woman" I'm going to guess that her age comment hurt you... otherwise why else would you play with the idea of making a comment to hurt her back?

In the end.. I'm sorry you were hurt by the situation.. and to answer your question is yeah.. is is okay to discriminate on age, and even apperance..

Before I was married.. I didn't like to date brunettes, or short guys, freckles couldn't stand, and I didn't want to date anyone who was divorced, or who already had kids, who was more than 4 years older than me, and I can go on from there.. but the point is.. was I discriminating against people with those characteristics?? Yes.. I was.

And know what.. EVERYONE is guilty of it.

If a 64 year old woman came up to you and was flirting with you.. chances are you probably wouldn't want to go out with her .. why? because she was too old for you.

So with that said.. that's all the girl did. 17 years is a big age difference.. and surely she's looking for someone who is at the same stage of life she's at..

Just like you would want if a 64 year old woman asked you out. (17 years older than you.)

Answer 3

Apparently we do. Probably mostly because our society makes a lot of assumptions based on age. Our society is also uncomfortable with couples with large differences in age, and I'm guessing many women would feel embarrassed or strange to be dating an older man, because society will make assumptions on HER for it (the phrase gold-digger comes to mind). I've also dealt with age discrimination. I'm 24 and when I went to vacation in Palm Springs, the people at the check-in counter acted like I was lost or something. I also get followed around in stores as if I'm going to shoplift, and I notice if I go shopping with someone "older" rather than friends my age, I get treated A LOT nicer. Apparently youth makes some people nervous.

Answer 4

That's a really interesting question. I think in your particular case she just blurted out what she was thinking, that at the age of 47 you're considerably older than she is. I don't think she meant any offense.

Another question might be, would you be bothering to flirt with a 47 year old woman. Or do you, in your own discrimatory way, feel that only younger women are attractive.

Answer 5

First off, it's not acceptable to discriminate in any way. However, sadly and unfortunately, it's a fact of life in the world. Just move on and find someone else that does appreciate you no matter what. Also, sometimes, ignorance is bliss!

Answer 6

It's a very interesting point you have made here. I think we do live in a culture where it is acceptable to discrimate based on age, which I think is a disgrace.

I would suggest that this woman is unknowingly discriminatory - not aware of the hurt she could cause with her views. It would have been interesting had you called her on it - I would have liked to hear her reasoning.

Answer 7

Old! what is the definition of old? age bias is all around but is not necessary discriminating it is not meant to offend just making a statement that she does not want to date a Man 17 years older than she is.

Answer 8

I see your point, but you don't exaclty have a valid one. You're old enough to be her father. And obviously, society looks down upon racial discrimination more than age discrimination.

This woman needed and easy way to blow you off and your age was probably the first thing that came to mind.

Answer 9

She is allowed to discriminate when it comes to dating - we all are. But it was rude and mean of her to call you "old".

If she were interviewing you for a job or a house rental, she shouldn't discriminate. But she can date whomever she wants, and reject whomever she wants. She just could have phrased it better.

Answer 10

We live in a culture which discriminates all the time!

Look at the churches, temples, and mosques (just to name a few). None of them accepts gays/lesbians. They all preach hatred and eternal damnation for this group of people. Yet, it's 'acceptable' and even encouraged, discrimination.