What do you do about a sister who is crazy?

Question

I have a sister who has 3 children that hate her, she has joined every self help group including AA looking for people to listen to her while gaining nothing from the programs. She marries men that you wouldn't even talk to and she wont shut up. She is on the phone all day to whoever will listen, shows up at your house with all her problems, which are everyones fault but hers and gets upset if you try to talk to her rationally about anything. This a big problem for me as I can't throw her out, I can't get rid of her and I am terrified that when my parents die (she lives with them) she will show up on my doorstep to live with me. How do you handle this? I lietrally cant stand her. She brings chaos and misery to everything she touches and I have spent years trying to distance myself from her. But she is my sister.
Torn,
Irma

Answer 1

She's turbulence, a tempest, stormy by nature and may never change. I posted a great entry on October 23rd in my Blog on how to spot an Emotional Vampire (Narcissist). It sounds like she qualifies for sure, by virtue of the amount of emotional garbage she is willing to dump on everyone else.
There is a great book called "The Drama of the Gifted Child." You might consider reading it and sending her the copy when you have finished reading it. It sure sounds like she needs help, but it won't be your job to do that. Fortify your boundaires m'lady! Batton down the hatches!

Answer 2

There is usually a phrase, or some key words that I zero in on in questions like this.
Your last line:"But she is my sister."

Try to think of her as a friend, or an acquaintance who you "literally can't stand." Believe me, at the end of the day, your coping mechanisms have to be the same, in order to save your own sanity.
From the way you describe her, I wouldn't even venture to speculate on any kind of psychological disorder, (although there "may" be); however disruptive & self oriented a person can be, it can be as simple as their basic nature--& that will never change. You don't have to "throw her out," but you MUST establish your privacy (& limit of your tolerance). I wouldn't even attempt to talk rationally to her. I wouldn't enable her to use me as a sounding board. When you attempt "input," you're only feeding her avarice for attention. She's obviously getting this from others, but it does NOT have to be you.
I've known a few people who are/were (!) like her, & I'm not being harsh when I say: If she showed up at my door to live with me, I'd give her money for a taxi, (if she doesn't have a car, & I somehow doubt she has), one night in a motel, & tell her she has to get her life together, as I am living my own.
In the meantime, there are simple little things. Don't answer the door & STICK to it. (I have a sign in my front window: "By appointment only, no exceptions.") This applies to EVERYONE. Do you have Caller ID? Don't answer the phone every time she calls. When you do, make it short--even if you have to lie--"I have to take my---out of the oven!" or whatever suits you. If you don't take control immediately, you can expect increasing traumas in an indefinite future.
She does NOT have the power she assumes, or the power others may give her.
Just from a personal perspective--I have an older sister who is hell on wheels. I spent years trying to "be there" for her, & gave up. We haven't been in touch for over two years.
SHE IS MY SISTER.
No, she is someone whose daughters hate her, (!) & brings chaos & apprehension to everyone. I serve myself no purpose, or her, by allowing her in my life. YOU have to be strong, make your decisions & be the rational one.
You can do it!

Answer 3

You just described one of my sisters. I had to completely dis-own her in order to avoid getting depressed. One thing I learned from my psycho sis is the true meaning of the legend of the Vampire. Vampires are the "undead". My Sis has no real life, no friends, can't keep a job, constantly moving because of problems with neighbors, etc etc. Vampires feed off the living. My Sis is in constant "need" of help, someone to cry about her self-inflicted problems, loans, etc etc. A Vampires can only enter your house if YOU LET THEM IN! By not letting her in my house (heart) anymore she has actually lightened up on talking about her problems (according to my brother), she's held onto a steady job (over a year now, WOW!), and is apparently even healthier too because of not talking about everything.

Answer 4

I don't mean to sound like I am ignoring you, but I call your sister Thursday and worry about my life if I were you. She is a grown women, who exemplifying the American woman lifestyle. I would just change the locks, do not answer the door and call the police if she comes over.