I am staring to hate my MOM!!?

Question

what should I do I live with my mom right now and have for the last two years I can't move out right now cause I am a single mom of two girls and just don't have the money. My mom and I have never been close and fight almost every day. Almost every day I am in my room because we are fighting and I don't want to deal with it. I can't even stand to see her or be around here I have written her letter several times but nothing changes how else can I go about this.

Answer 1

Sometimes in a relationship, fighting is the only way that love is expressed. Your mother must care a lot about you, but is a big on the too proctective side. I don't know what kind of arguments you have but if they are about how you are teaching your kids to grow up or about your future, then that means your moms just looking out for you. Don't let her down. Dont make her upset, keep her happy, she is your only mom!

Answer 2

Although I don't have any children, I can totally understand how you feel, but it is about my dad. It is really hard living with parents when you are an adult yourself. Your own space is really important.
I do have some suggestions though. I don't know exactly what the problem is, because you haven't specified what it is that she does that makes you crazy...but I will try.
First of all, I know it sounds cheesy, but you have to be truly grateful that she would allow you to live with her during this hard time in your life. You have to realize that it is not exactly easy for her to have extra people in her house, just like it is not easy for you to deal with her. If you have a TRUE feeling of gratitude, it drowns out a lot of other bad feelings.
Are you paying rent? Are you doing the chores that you agreed to do? Are you picking up after your children so she doesn't have to? These are the kind of things that can make a person irritated when you are living with them and it can make them get nasty with you.
I am not saying any of this against you. I am just making some points to think about. These were some of the problems that I had and when I worked them out, things got better -- although still not perfect. If you don't do what you agreed to when the deal started, then the other person tends to feel taken advantage of...
I assume you have a job? If you do, then why can you not move out into a small place of your own? If you can't afford the whole place, you could maybe get a roommate to share the rent. You must be willing to pay more than half of the rent though, because it will be you and your kids -- unless they have kids too.
Have you looked into housing options through the state? Sometimes they have programs that will help you to get out on your own.
I know it is a hard situation, but if you really want to you can get through it. Just try not to be fighting all the time. You also need to take a really close look at where your money is going. Are you spending a lot on stuff that really is not necessary? Could you pass up that $5 latte every day if it meant having your own place? (just an example -- you need to see where YOUR money is going...)
Anyway, good luck on figuring it out. Keep trying. You will find the answer.

Answer 3

This seems to be a common dynamic; mind you, I have no idea how wide spread it is, but I have personally seen troubled mother/daughter relationships played out between members of my family. Fortunately they haven't remained that way, but at least in a few cases it's taken years for closeness and real connection to develop. Frankly, this may be the only help I can offer: the realization that you're not alone and that things can get better. But since I have no idea what caused this, I have no idea how it was solved. I'm just glad that it seems to have been. Until that time arrives (or until you gain sufficient insight to positively affect this situation) try to refrain from expressions that near or border on "hate". That's strong, and probably not true...but there is power in words, so use them carefully. We only get one mother and one father in this lifetime. Relationships with our parents (particularly once we're adults) are extremely complex and issues can encompass our entire lifetimes. Today's economy and turbulent times make it extremely likely that we're going back into their households a time or two...to heal, to reorganize, whatever. They can seem critical and harshly judgmental when we want tenderness and understanding the most, but I think they're looking from a vantage point of recognition...maybe of a time when they were at a similar stage. They already know the answer (to some extent) and they want us to get to that epiphany too...but they don't know how to communicate that, and we're not sure how to hear it. Letters are good for getting your feelings down cohesively, but your mom may interpret that as your being distant. As a single parent you probably don't have the time or the energy to pursue counseling, at least not conventionally. But talking together will bring about the change you want...how to approach this is something I can't really say. If you have similar interests in common, maybe taking periodic outings will allow you two to bond a bit. I wish you all well.

Answer 4

I can kinda relate to your situation. When I was a single mother of one I lived with my mother for 4 1/2 years, but....I dodnt work because I couldn't sfford daycare to look for a job. And she told me to stay home with the baby so I did! (BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER) She threw it in my face all the time, and me and her would fight almost everyday about any little thing! I can say at the time I thought I hated her.... But now that I am on my own and have my own family, I truley know where my mom was comming from. I can't stand anyone living in my house and I like things my way. And that my be the problem. You are a mom now which means that you aren't a child anymore. You might want to consider getting a job and get on some assistance to help you get on your feet! Sometimes you have to do what you gotta do to make in in this world....
But dont be a total b***h to your mom, she gave birth to you and you only have one mother! Just respect her house!!!


Good luck!

Answer 5

If you don't have the money to move out, then maybe you can get some type of government housing assistance. I don't know what state you live in, but you may be able to qualify for some type of housing assistance-you should look into this. What do you and your mom fight about? Is it trivial things or does she not want you to be in her house? It may be hard for your mother, maybe she just wanted some time to herself and now she has her daugher and her grand-daughters living in her house. Maybe she wants (and may need) a break herself! Really, if letter writing is the way that you express yourself, then continue to write her letters about how you feel. And you know what, when you actually do move out, you will realize how much your mother helped you and how much you miss her! Also, since you are lower income and have children, you can receive financial aid and go to college to study something and get a good job. But don't burn your bridges with your mother. You and your girls should go out of your way to make her feel good and show that you appreciate allowing her to live with her-some people don't have that.

Answer 6

I think you need to face this problem head on. Talk to her about it and see if you can reach some sort of an agreement. For example, if you argue about cooking, decide which days each of you will cook on from now on. Or if you argue about TV, but a second TV. Try to find solutions to whatever you may argue about. If you argue about raising your kids, explain to her that it's your job. Either way you have to talk to her. Tell her you don't want your 2 children growing up in a violent environment, and that if she wants whats best for her grand kids, you need to work it out. Otherwise you maybe need to find another living arrangement, like rent an apartment, or stay with someone else.

Answer 7

You need to stop whining, and COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!!!

Anyone, and I mean anyone, who I allowed to live in my house, that caused or contributed to conflict, would be out the door in a heartbeat, grandchildren or not.

She owes you nothing, and you owe her everything. Bite your tongue, get out of your bedroom, and start cleaning the house to at least begin to show some appreciation.

Answer 8

there could be a chance that she is angry at the living situations, try sitting her down and talking to her instead of letting tthings get worse. You can't let your anger get in the way of your family. good luck!

Answer 9

DAMN ITS NOT RIGHT FOR U TO HATE UR MOM!!
SHES UR MOTHER NO MATTER WHAT!!!
BUT I GUESS TRY TALKING TO HER FACE TO FACE NO MATTER IF U CANT STAND HER IF U WANT TO LIVE HAPPY RIGHT NOW THAT UR IN HER HOUSE U NEED TO MAKE UP AND TRY TO PUT THE DIFFRENCES ASIDE!!!!

Answer 10

suck it up....its her house and she's letting you live there with 2 kids. get a job and move out.