ok, i'm 22 out of house. Everytime I go home she has boxes upon boxes of QVC and Target stuff. She is always buying my brother and sister laptops/ipods/clothes/games. They are very spoiled, my sister is 17 rarely goes to school but why should she, my mom gives her whatever she wants anyway (and she isn't learning anything) My dad works in a different state and travels a lot, and they said he has to because it pays so much more than local jobs, but my mom still spends so much. Her bills (utilities and credit) are amazing. They spend so much on renovating house which still is crappy, she doesn't clean or take care of anything. I know shes depressed, for someone who wants her husband back she won't get a parttime job even and her youngest child is 16. Just recently she said she wants to get year passes to disney (it's 300 a person) and I told her i didn't want one bu t thats still 4 people she'd buy for.
2007-11-07 10:23:10 · 4 answers · asked by C.C 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
It makes me the most upset because I am paying for my own college out of pocket with loans mostly, and I work full time. I’m married and love my life even though I live in kind of a shady one bd room apartment, I know that I am bettering myself. She wonders why I don’t go over to visit, but when she mentions buying my drop out sister a 20k car or buying her a 6k laptop it makes me so mad because I pay my own car, insurance, college and imo she should pay college if she has money to throw away. Is it selfish that I feel that way? Is there anything I can do or a way I can approach her? She normally gets mad if I bring it up and then we don’t talk for a few weeks
2007-11-07 10:23:32 · update #1
as a note she buys nice clothes (expensive ones) but i only see her wear sweats and cheap t-shirts, even to my wedding she didn't dress up (which devastated me but I didn't have heart to tell her), and she has nice dishes and kitchen stuff but her house is so rundown becuase she doesn't take care of it, and its full of boxes...we fight sometimes because ill offer to clean and ill pack stuff up to see or give away and she'll get mad saying that she can't part with her stuff (mega pack rat)
2007-11-07 10:25:41 · update #2
Your dad is going to be the key to getting your mom to deal with her problem.
Chances are (with your dad's traveling job as an indicator) your mom is trying to substitute for the attention and affection and intimacy that she is missing in the marriage. She likely is sensing some satisfaction or relief through her purchases. She may very well feel that she is actually "contributing" to the family's happiness, that this is how she can "do her part" as a parent and not consider herself a failure.
Hiding behind spending with plastic is a real threat to any marriage. To change she is going to need to face the consequences of what she is doing. She is going to need to decide to behave differently. AND most importantly she is going to need to learn new coping and self-soothing skills.
Therapy / Counseling / Marriage Therapy, etc. is where she would need to go to help coach her into new and better ways to deal with her wants and needs.
2007-11-07 11:29:28 · answer #1 · answered by Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure how much hiding her credit card will help because it's hers she'll want it back and get it back. This is her way of feeling better. Show her that there are other ways to feel happy, other things that she can do that does not require money. Since you know your mom better than me you'll have to think of things you know she will enjoy. Oh and you know that just like there's a place where alcoholics can go to talk about their alcohol problem, there's also places where SHOPalholics can go to? It's funny my sister has that!
2007-11-07 11:18:17 · answer #2 · answered by chichi117 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow,
i have a shopping addiction to. the best thing i did was take all my credit cards away and have an allowence. but this is your mom!! so that might be a bit hard.
maybe talk to your father about it or even talk to her but be gental when saying it as she may already no she has a problem but doesnt want to know it so she might think your attacking her.
hope things work out !!
=]
2007-11-07 10:29:13 · answer #3 · answered by Emma S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hide her credit cards. he he
2007-11-07 10:31:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋