Right now he three year old. I know one day he ask about his father. His father has nothing to do with him since the day we found out. And he has nothing to do with him. Right now his dad is hiding from the police and possible might go to jail. Also he as an older brother that I never met and see. How can I explain to him that his dad has nothing to do with him and he has another brother that I don't know. I know he ask. Right now he calling everyone daddy.
2007-11-07 10:03:28 · 8 answers · asked by In Love with Steve 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
I had this exact situation with my oldest son who is now 13 yrs old. I met my son's father overseas while in the military. Once we found out I was pregnant, he admitted to me he was already married. He changed stations a month before I did and I never saw him again. He also has two other kids that I never met, and most likely my son will never get to meet. That was 14 years ago. Here is my advice.
First of all, the sooner you can work it into the conversation the better. Your child is much more likely to be accepting of your explanation at a young age, and experience it with less hurt than say... telling a 10 yr old. Also, they are more likely to be accepting of it over the years, and will be more objective in asking you questions.
As soon as your child notices that the other kids have Daddy's and asks about his, tell him the truth. Say "Your daddy lives somewhere else, and I haven't seen him in a long time." When he asks "Can I see him?" tell him the truth! "I don't know where your Daddy is." As he gets older and asks you things like "Why doesn't my Daddy love me?" tell him the truth. "Son, I know your Daddy does love you. But sometimes grown ups don't always do the right thing. Grown ups make mistakes just like kids do." I would try to keep all information about your son's father in a safe place so that if some day he wants to find him, you can give him all the information you have.
Here's something you do NOT want to do. Do NOT make negative comments about his father. This hurts your child also, because your son realizes he is part his father. If you act angry with the idea of the father, then it will transfer onto your child as anger/resentment towards him. No matter how you truly feel, never make negative statements about his father.
2007-11-07 10:24:18 · answer #1 · answered by Amy G 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
when he's older i'd explain to him as gently as possible what happened. i'd start out with how much you love him and have always wanted him no matter what and from there i'd let him know what often grownups make bad decisions and don't stay when they should and that sometimes it's better for a family to be just a mom and a child so that they can be happy. i have a 5 year old who was always asking if she had a daddy and i gently assured her that while she doesn't have a daddy in her life...she has an uncle (my brother) who loves her very much. she needed to make sure that she had a loving family and i was able to show her that indeed she does. he will understand when he's older. he may go through the "my dad hated me too much to help raise me" stage. it's normal. you just have to wait it out...it won't come for a while anyway. be strong. us single moms have to be. and take care of that precious little boy. he'll be fine.
2007-11-07 22:45:42 · answer #2 · answered by Kathy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would explain that families come in different sizes, and that your family is one with mommy and baby. I would also get a book about different kids of families, mommies, daddies, grandmas, step parents, etc. There is a good one I believe called "Families" or "My Family" with lots of bright colors and illustrations that would be suitable for your toddler. Also, talk about the people who are in your family, grandmas, grandpas, cousins, friends, etc. and let your child see how many people are in his family and do love him. When your kiddo gets older, there are probably going to be some more questions, but if you give him a basis of knowing he is loved by the family he has, he probably won't feel too odd about not knowing or being around his biological dad. Take Care and Best of Luck.
2007-11-07 18:18:38 · answer #3 · answered by sylphnsatyr 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
why fret about this now? i have three children with three different fathers....don't judge me. none of the fathers stuck around. none of my daughters called random men "daddy". ...none ever even called their step father "daddy". none of my girls were ever that curious. my oldest is 21, and one day, i ASKED HER if she ever missed out not having a father (i've always harbored a secret guilt on this issue)...she just looked at me and said "how can i miss something i never had?"...hmmm......smart kid! my little one (age 9) on occasion asks about her father. i just tell her what i've told them all.....your father loves you very much, he is just dealing with some personal issues, but you are always in his heart." of course i always excuse myself after i say this so i can go vomit, but i don't want to add any emotional issues to them. they didn't ask to be born, and they didn't ask to be raised in a single parent home. my girls were always happy with me and each other. don't make a big deal out of this, your child will pick up on your emotions...stay positive. when he is older, he will really appreciate all you've done and that you did not lay emotional baggage on him. my middle girl's father spent years in prison, and has two older sisters she doesn't know. there was no need to lay this on her. when she reached teen years, she asked and was told the truth. a three year old is just happy to be loved my mommy.
2007-11-07 19:18:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can explain clearly & truthfully when he is older, right now you can say that dad is on a job far away, something like that. it is not unusual for 3 yr olds 2 call every1 dad, u can make excuse that dad's working diff town etc.
all da best
2007-11-07 18:11:11 · answer #5 · answered by avonlady 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Tell him his father created him. Tell him his dad is hiding. Tell him his dad will come for him someday when you least expect it.
2007-11-07 18:17:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
when he is older tell him the truth. i would say around 11 he will want to know the truth.
2007-11-07 18:13:09 · answer #7 · answered by favorite_aunt24 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is probably best to tell him he just isn't with you anymore;
for now just tell him he is on vacation.
=]
If he has an older brother that isn't your child, just don't mention it. It is likely just to confuse him.
2007-11-07 18:09:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋