How do you or do you tell a neighbor their husband is having an affair?

Question

There is a family in my neighborhood that appear to be the "perfect" family. The husband is attractive, intelligent, a good provider and a good Daddy. The wife is 16 years younger than he and quite a pretty. She is President of the PTA and a good Mommy. They have 2 beautiful children, an 11yo boy and a 9yo girl. They just got a puppy; and have the perfect little house, on a perfect little street, in our perfect little neighborhood. Everything seems truly "perfect" but it's not. I know for a fact that the husband been having an affair, perhaps not his first, for over a year. The wife doesn't seem to have any idea. It just breaks my heart. I don't really know her. Do I keep this information to myself? Help, I need your advice, I'm at a loss!

Answer 1

Oh, please NEVER EVER tell the husband.

One day, she'll find out, or he'll confess.

Please do not get involved. If you do, you will have to live with the fact, that you got involved in innocent people's lives that you don't know.

I personally knew a stay at home mom that fooled around with another stay at home dad across the street. I said nothing of course. None of my business. Would I BENEFIT?? N-O!!

The stray wife and family moved away a year later. Maybe the husband found out. So moral of story let good things come to an end.

Answer 2

This is REALLY bothering you isn't it? You have asked this same exact question four times! Are you the one having an affair with him? If not then your are obsessed with this family. If you are the mistress then break it off with him. Think about the poor innocent children, and the puppy, they didn't do anything to deserve this. If you aren't the mistress then I suggest you leave it alone. If the husband is having an affair then the wife either will or won't find out about it, it's really none of your business either way. You need a hobby or something to take your mind off of these people, it's getting to the point where you could turn into a stalker.

Answer 3

Anonymously. My husband had an affair with a neighbor friend. It was suspicioned by myself for years, but I could never prove it. What an embarrassment for me to know my neighbors saw what was going on when I was gone! When he finally admitted it I was devastated. There were problems in our marriage. It may have looked and even seemed like the perfect marriage, but for something like this to have happened? It was far from perfect. I agree that you need to be anonymous. Adultery is wrong at all costs. Difficult on family and friends. Be a friend, but also keep your distance. You do live in the neighborhood and want to keep that great relationship. And adulterer never wins.

Answer 4

I think the suggestion about an anonymous letter is pretty good. In that letter you shouldn't say any more than you actually know. For example, if you have merely heard rumors, don't say that you know for sure, just say that you have heard rumors. If you have seen the husband kissing a woman, just say that you saw him kissing a woman. This is important because there is a possibility that you or other people have jumped to conclusions and you don't want to cause a rift in the family when it's not warranted. For example, one time when my grandmother wasn't feeling well or something, my grandfather took my mother (his daughter) with him to an event (a play, I think). Before they got home, people had called my grandmother to tell her that her husband was out with a young blond! So simply say what you have personally seen or heard and let the wife draw her own conclusions.

It is completely possible that what others have said is true; perhaps the wife is already aware. I feel sorry for her and I feel sorry for the children. I think a lot of men who have affairs just don't know what they're missing. What a shame.

Answer 5

Send an anonymous letter to the wife to tell her what's going on. It is also quite possible that the wife is aware of the affair, but is simply trying to keep up appearances in spite of this.

Answer 6

There is no way for someone outside of a close personal friendship to give this kind of news without seeming or actually being cruel.

You CAN, however, befriend this woman and allow the course and nature of this new friendship help you know how to bridge the subject, if that's even possible. It will take time. And, things may blow up in the husband's face before you've had a chance to talk at that level, in which case it will be good for her to have a friend like you.

Answer 7

There's no good way to do it, but do it.

If a man were cheating on me, I'd want to know. It might break my heart, but it also might protect me from AIDS, or herpes, or chlamydia, or something else horrible. Find a way to let her know.

Answer 8

First off who made you sheriff of the neighbourhood?
if you tell that women her husband is cheating on her she may cut your throat, and as well she should,
i always am amazed when i hear a perfect ignorant angel like you being judge and jury to a neighbour,
man If i were them i would go over to your house and lpond the crap right out of you then i would take you into court. didn't you know they may have already have dealt with this, and you will loose every neighbour on the street, your perfect street and neighbourhood would be a battle ground. just keep you nose out of their private business you may be very sorry you did,NT

Answer 9

I have changed my answer...why go to the wife?
If you are so intent on getting involved with this family.
Confront the husband, he's the one cheating, but if you aren't the one having an affair with this man, doing so could be deadly. I would watch my back, if I were you.

Answer 10

How do you know so many intimate details of their lives? Are you stalking them? You should just stay out of it, because it's none of your business and not YOUR place to say anything. I would say otherwise if it were a really good friend or close family member. Quit being such a nosy Nancy.