Your wedding - what did you fight most with your parents/in laws about?

Question

Our latest disagreement, after the members of the bridal party and the location of the ceremony, is the wording on the invitations.
I never realised how much conflict this thing would cause - my poor btb is freaking out trying to keep the peace and also have at least a little bit of what she wants...

Answer 1

Oh hell, what didn't we fight with the in-laws about? FIL wouldn't even wear a tie, MIL picked a fight with my husband during the rehearsal dinner...FIL and my husband weren't speaking until late in the reception. SIL wanted to bring her son, I didn't want him there (long story -- I had legitimate reasons).

My dad and I squabbled about the budget, since my folks had agreed to pay for it. We compromised on a few things, and all was well.

Oh, and the night before the wedding, my dad and I butted heads about the music we were walking up the aisle to. In fact, we were STILL arguing about it -- literally -- as it started playing and we started walking up the aisle. But once he realized no one was bothered by it (about 2 nanoseconds into the song), he got over it, and all was well.

I guess I can't blame him too much: I walked up the aisle to "The Imperial Death March" from Star Wars. LOL

Answer 2

first and foremost this is your wedding not your parent's/in-laws. Your Btb SHOULD have what she wants. My parents paid for my wedding &reception...(grooms side paid for squat)..but let me have everything my way (okay recovering bridezilla) but you know.. you are only getting married once (hopefully) and your btb has dreamed of her day for YEARS.... if not majority of her life. For you to be the groom you should stand up and help her down to the very last detail. And tell your parents/in-laws how you feel... and that they shouldn't be giving you a hard time about this stuff... it's your wedding not theirs. Remember planning is the most stressful part.. if something they demand isn't what you want let it go in one ear out the other. Or if they say hurtful things take it with a bucket of salt..... or just tell 'em it's your wedding not theirs so they need to chill a bit.


good luck and congrats

Answer 3

The only big disagreement with family so far has been about our decision to have beer and wine at the reception. My family are conservative Protestant evangelicals, and most of them do not drink. My fiance and I are non-religious, and we have a very diverse group of friends - many of whom drink in moderation. We thought that because we're all in our 30's and no one is likely to get obnoxiously drunk, it would be fine to have beer and wine. Those who want to can have a few drinks, while those who don't drink alcohol can drink soda, punch, coffee, or tea.

We truly expected this to be an agreeable arrangement for everyone. However...some of the non-drinkers are not content to just attend and not drink. They're very upset that alcohol will be on the premises, and some are threatening to not come to the wedding because alcohol will be present. I'm not going to forego the drinks for everyone else just because of a few people. They're really being turds about it.

Mom thinks I should accommodate them and cancel the bar, but I think that if they're going to be that judgemental, they should stay home. urgh.

Answer 4

My husband had a major fight with his mother about the size of the wine bottles. They actually didn't speak for 2 weeks about such a minor issue!

I think weddings are just like holidays in that everyone wants them to be perfect, but everyone has a different idea what "perfect" is! Weddings are even more intense because they are a once in a lifetime thing. I think money issues make it even more difficult. I would say pick your battles and decide what is most important to you and stand your ground because you may regret it later on when you look back. The rest of your life is a long time for regrets. On the other hand, things you consider minor things you may find that you are willing to let the relatives get their way on.

We let his mother put white pumpkins on the church steps because neither one of us cared about that. She was thrilled to do it.

We let my mother handle the cake because we didn't care about that, but some people would consider that detail a major one.

Answer 5

Wow, who ever said planning a wedding is fun, IS A LIAR!
Our wedding is in August and there are bitter fights.
First My Fiance and I didn't want alcohol at the wedding. My Fiance had a father who drank alot and Myself Im an EMT, we don't allow alcohol in house, why would we want it at our wedding..But my moms said since her and daddy are paying they get final choice. Also The bridal party was a fight, I wanted 5 girls and my mom said I could only have 3 girls....The guest list was MAJOR, my parents said that we could have a list of 150 people, which most of them were from the country club...MOST PEOPLE THAT I ONLY MET 3 TIMES IN MY INTIRE LIFE.....

Answer 6

we never had a fight with the parents or in-laws. my in-laws didn't even get involved. they asked for updates, kept their mouths shut, and showed up to wish us well on the big day. my parents were a tad more inquisitive because they were paying for the ceremony, but at no time did they try to dictate anything to us about the invites, type of ceremony, etc.

if they are paying for the wedding, you will have to be tactful, but try to remind them that this is YOUR wedding. they have already had the opportunity to have a wedding of their choice. this is your turn. if they refuse to respect that, you and your fiance might want to consider asserting yourselves as your own family unit and paying for a ceremony you two can afford on your own. this does NOT mean you should go into debt throwing the wedding of your dreams, but if being your own boss and making decisions for yourselves is important then do what you can. perhaps that means a small wedding in town and a wedding in vegas. but at least it will be on your terms.

if that's not an appealing idea, google whatever issue you are debating and get support for the wording/style you want. there are tons of options for appropriate invite wording. there is no one right way. use sites like martha stewart weddings, the knot, and other wedding sites to support your side of the argument and the parents will likely realize that they are either out-dated as to current wedding trends or that they are making an issue out of something that is no longer a social faux pas.

Answer 7

Fortunately, not one blessed thing. We were paying for our own wedding, but totally took into consideration family wishes for ideas, guests, etc. We made it a true family, traditional wedding.
There should be nothing to argue about with something as simple as invitation wording - it's pretty standard -
(have some sort of intro - like Two Hearts will Join as One, blah, blah....)
We request the honour of your presence
at the ceremony uniting
Joan Linda,
daughter of Frank and Susan Smith
and
Charles George,
son of Joseph and Natalie Jones
Saturday, the twentieth of June,
etc. etc.

Answer 8

I'm sorry you're going through such drama, my only advice is not to talk to them about every little thing. i felt the biggest problem were the woman in the entire process. My mother, MIL, aunts non stop commenting on what we should do for the wedding. Just nod your head and ignore them, do what works for you. I also felt there was this competition between the two families and who got more things. Who gets more limos, who gets more photos etc. We were the least of their concerns, all about them.

Take a step back and realize it's only one day.

PS for our invitations we wrote together with our families, maybe that will help.

Answer 9

There were no fights. Everybody had fun at our wedding, it was simply a great day.

The biggest surprise before the wedding was that I did not want a bridal shower or bachelorette party - I simply don't like those kind of events.

Answer 10

Well first we wanted a small formal wedding in a rose garden in Reno NV where his mom lived...his dad's side of the family kept calling it a "little chapel wedding" and got mad that we didn't want to have a big wedding that included their 200+ family members.

The thing I remember the most about the wedding day itself was standing at the bottom of the staircase waiting for the wedding to start and hearing my husbands step mother make really rude and nasty comments about my husband's mom in front of our guests who were arriving.

And the fact that all of my flowers were WRONG and WILTED. We had his step mom's mother do the flowers at their request (which we really raelly didn't want to do) and ordered them at bigrose.com...I had three meetings with her, she had pictures of the bouquets, boutineers, etc. to go buy. She had very detailed details, which I saw her write down.
Not only did she do what she damn well wanted with the roses, they were wilted from being in a hot car for two and a half hours because she insisted on having the flowers delivered to her house 2 1/5 hours away.
She put vases of flowers ON THE FLOOR where my guests were arriving and they kept getting knocked over. She yelled at several of my friends to get me because the other flowers she ordered were bad and didn't know what to do with them.

Because guests were arriving I had to let it all go, and once the wedding started, it was fine...but those two things still chap my skin to this day, and its been over two years.