Requiring further advice, dealing with a "mommas boy" and an overbearing mother-in-law.?

Question

I've tried talking to my husband about sharing responcibilities 50-50 - after his mother had said something about me needing to do all of the work and him going along with it. He says he'll try to do better. However, I'm very worried about his mother visiting so often, and planting little seeds in his head. All of his life, it's only been him and his mother - no father - and she's literally obsessed with him. He's been brought up that anything she says, goes.

Despite how many hours I work, 6 days a week, his mother continues to tell him that since I have a home business, everything is my responcibility. She repeats it multiple times - and then takes him out shopping and out to eat - just the two of them - to get on his good side.

My husband, whom I've been with for 10 years, married since May, never once showed a sign of being like this. Then again, his mother wasnt around very much until now. She was gone for most his adolescence and teenage years.

He looks up to his mother as if she's a god, and anything me and his mother disagree on, he picks her side because "my mother would never do something to hurt us and our marriage, she wants what's best for me".

She also does a jeckel-hyde move whenever he walks out of the room. I've been called horrible names, told to go back to the states where I belong (since I moved up here to Canada after the wedding), and have been told names of girls she tried to hook my husband up with in order to get rid of me. She's stolen belongings of his when visiting, then planting them on me. She's also put things into food I was cooking to make it taste bad - just to say "oh, I wouldn't have messed this up".

I would move away, but for one, we can't afford it. And another, she moved where we moved last time, like she's following us around.

Is there anything I could do or say to try and fix this situation?
Maybe a way to prove to him that his mother is the devil in disguise? I'm afraid she'll hurt him.

Answer 1

I don't know if you're ever gonna be able to convince him that his mother is an evil as she does sound...however, hopefully you can convince him that since he is married that his devotion should be to you rather than soley to his mother.

If he's a Christian, you can always start with the bible...it says "leave your mother and father and take up a wife"...there are other scriptures to back this up as well. Unfortunately I don't know them all off the top of my head.

Here's another GREAT illustration. Follow along and do these steps...then have your husband do this!

Place your hands together with all your fingertips touching...just on the tips..
Now...bend down both of your middle fingers so that the backs of your middle fingers are touching...and the fingertips of the rest of your fingers are still touching.
The middle finger in this demonstration represents "self"..one hand represents the "self" of your husband and the other hand represents you...when you bend down the middle fingers representing "self" you notice that you are back to back supporting each other (having each others back).

Now..keeping your fingers in this position...spread apart your thumbs...the thumb represents your siblings...you need them in your life, but they move freely and come and go.

Replacing your thumbs..now spread apart your pinkies. The pinkie represents children in our lives....like the siblings..you can move them around...they are important, but can move freely and come and go.

Replace your pinkies...now spread apart your index fingers...the index finger represents your parents in your lives...like the others...they are important, but they are to move freely and not meant to be a permanent fixture in your life.

NOW...try to separate the tips of your ring fingers....YOU CANNOT...this represents your spouse....when you are married you are to support and "stick" with your spouse at ALL TIMES and have their back. All of our other loved ones around us are important in our lives but are to MOVE freely through our lives...they ARE NOT to be a permanent fixture in our marriages.

I learned this from a marriage counselor....have your husband do this demonstration....HECK...have his mother do this demonstration. If he is still clearly going to choose his mother over you, then it may be worth doing some soul searching to decide if getting out of this now might save you some heart ache down the road!! Good luck!!

Answer 2

You could get one of those hidden cameras and after she does/says her nasty little deed/remark (hide it where you know she will snoop around and say or do something like what you've mentioned) when you're alone with hubby show him just what she did/said and see how he reacts. If he's still on her side then I'm afraid the only other options I see is counseling (which I don't think will work) or divorce. If he wants her more than you let him have her. You'll be better off in the long run.

Answer 3

Anyone who puts things in your food is capable of doing worse. This woman is pathological and dangerous. Her behavior is not rational. I'm afraid that you are going to have to tell your husband that he either gets her the psychological help she needs(or convinces her to get it), or you are out of there. You wasted a decade waiting to marry this guy, don't waste any more of your life.

Answer 4

Talk to him and his mother if he really loves you he would listen to you, but also listen to his mother but not all the times. If yall can't work it out them I guess he doesnt love you that much.

Answer 5

Wow, he's so opposite of my son...we were very close until he married the she-devil....now, I hardly ever see or speak to him..so frankly, I don't even know how to respond to this...

Answer 6

Tell him if doesn't knock this **** off and quit acting like he doesn't have a damn lick of sense, you will send him back to his mother.