Alcoholic Father: Help?

Question

Well unfortunately, I don't have much space to work with here, but let me say that this is a hard question for me to say. Nevertheless, I feel I have to.

My step-father is an alcoholic. HIs episodes of drinking are violent, angry, and have resulted in abusive fights with my mother. The things he's done have cause irreversible harm to me, my nine-year old sister, and possibly my four-year-old brother. Luckily, he's never touched any of us. If he ever did, it would cause me to do a lot more harm to him than me.

The problem is, he only drinks when my mother isn't home or when she works late. He'll be the only one to watch us and drink alcohol or vodka he's hidden in the house. I don't know what kind of sick person would choose this over us, but he has.

If I had more room, I might be able to go into the problem in more detail but unfortunately I don't. Bottom line, I don't know what to do.

My mom knows about this. His violent episodes have often caused them to get into abusive fights, one one occasion hitting her with his belt. But what can she do? Divorce him? She wouldn't be able to care for me, my brother, or sister.

Answer 1

Time for a heart to heart with your mother. If that does not provide results (and it may not), you may have to consider getting social services involved. The man poses a threat to you and your siblings. This is beyond just being a harmless drinker.

He needs help that is outside of what you or your mother can provide and your mother needs to take responsibility. If she can't the state/county will have to step in.

Be aware of the fact that if the state or county become involved, you children may be farmed out to foster homes either together or separately. Consider this very carefully. If this solution provides safety, them you must consider it. Talk this over with your mother as well. It will let her know how seriously this is affecting you all.

Answer 2

well, how old are you? if you are still in school talk to a teacher you trust. or if you dont have one talk to a family member. does your step dad have any brothers or sisters around that might be able to help? what about his parents? you also need to have a sit down with your mom and tell her you are worried and you dont feel this is a healthy or productive relationship. it is going to be hard for your mom to hear that from you but it will let her know how you are really feeling. being in this situation can be tough because your mom might feel like she doesnt have anywhere to go. if your mom isnt responding the way she should (by either getting out until he is better or having an intervention, rehab, etc) you may want to get ahold of your grandparents, or possibly your dad (biological- if he is a trustworthy person to go to) if all else fails i would def. consider contacting local authorities. in the long run you and your siblings will have a better life not living in that situation. good luck with everything. stay strong for you family.

Answer 3

i know this must be a tough thing to say especially to a bunch of ppl you don't know.. i think that your looking for a simple answer but the answer to this question is not a small one. I would call a help line or an alcoholic anonymous number and ask how they would begin doing an intervention... (an intervention is when they come to your house an analysis the situation and take the person to rehab) but first and foremost i would talk to your mom about this and tell her how u feel... if you cant do that then talk to a guidance counselor at your school.... it seems like he definitely needs to go to rehab...
good luck hun and if he tries hurting you or your syblings call the police!

Answer 4

Get him out of your life. He is abusing your mom, that's reason enough for me to kick his a**...I know where you're coming from. My dad was an alcoholic, and one night he came home at 1 AM, woke me and my sibling up, and beat all of us. This was when I was really young. After I got old enough to take him on, my mom and I kicked him out of the house. If he gets into abusive fights with your mom, it's only time when he will hurt you or your siblings as well...He either needs to quit drinking, or needs to get out of your lives. My father's alcoholic tendencies rubbed off on me, and for a while in high school I would drink too. And I became an angry drunk. That's how most alcoholics are, there's no changing it. After getting into countless fights and losing many friends, I realized I need to quit drinking. Hopefully your stepdad will realize it too. Good luck

Answer 5

oh god im sorry to hear this, im 16 and i guess i have an alcoholic father too although i dont like to say this to myself. Luckily hes not an abusive drunk or whatever just irritating.

If i were you, im not too sure what the relationship with ur mum is, but discuss it with her - wether she agrees that he should be chucked out the house etc especially if your family are in danger
also im sure there are many phone lines which deal with this, search it on google maybe
im sorry im probably not much help, i guess im just pointing out the obvious, but best of luck to you x

Answer 6

Call Al Anon - it's a group for family members of alcoholics and will help you, your siblings and your mother (if she's inclined to go) understand how to deal with your step dad and what your options are.

Good luck.

Answer 7

RUN - DON'T WALK - to the nearest Al-Anon meeting. You can look them up in the phone book. If not available, go on line to get some help.

Al-Anon is for family and/or friends who know someone who is an alcoholic. I would contact Al-Anon immediately. They will help you.

Good luck.

Answer 8

You are not alone with this problem. Been there. Look at this website and get the help these people offer. Your mother probably will not believe you.........this is common. Contact them in your area.......Alateen is there to help the victims of the alcoholic.....the family and especially the kids.

http://www.al-anon.org/alateen.html

Answer 9

As a recovering alcoholic myself...I can tell you why he chooses alcohol over you...it's the disease...I was never violent just over used...but nonetheless...your mother must take a stand and choose you over his drinking..if he won't get help for himself, she must make the move to distance you children and herself from him..

Answer 10

first of all talk to your mum and explain to her how this is effecting you and your other siblings, there are many people in the same situations are he are i no how you feel as my father was the same, and if your mum did divorce him that doesn't mean she care for yhe. she is doing it now as your step-dad is only the in body, this violent ,aggressive and behavior well take tole of the younger kids yourself in time ,
good luck