Whos right me or my hubby? when he gets home he spends all night on the net then 25min with me,then go's 2 bed

Question

for the 1st 3 yrs we were 2gether i worked full time, he did not. i even worked when i was pregnant up to the day i went into labor, then 6wks later back to work. he stayed home played video games and when he did clean the house it was half way, i would come home clean and cook. now in our 4th four yr i stay home take care of baby clean cook, all that stuff. when he gets home its in the door off with the shoes on the computer, eats while on the net, then 4 or 5 hrs later comes over to me so i can rub his feet for about 25min the he goes to bed, am i wrong to want like 3 nights a wk for him to spend at least 2hrs with me and only 2hrs on the computer?

Answer 1

Him on all night, you on all day?
Going online can relieve stress but also helps us avoid doing what we should be doing, like cleaning the house right now or some other off the butt activity.

Men were not meant to stay home, that's our job. Try to do your best each day and have dinner ready, eat at the table together as a family rule when he comes home. If you and the kids have eaten, sit with him while he eats or stay nearby cleaning or holding the baby. Ask him how work was, etc. Find an interesting subject to talk about. Our simply listen to him if he's a talker. Let him relax for awhile by himself. If he's not interacting with the children, mention it. Ask him to try to spend a little time before they go to bed. Go to him when he's online. He can't ignore you. Don't wait for him. Don't rub his feet unless you want to. Make sure you look and act pretty. Okay, now I'm going to follow my own advice 'cuz I know it works!

Answer 2

You're absolutely RIGHT in your needs!!! That's ridiculous that he spends that much time on the computer. He should be putting your relationship as a priority instead of his internet time. You need to be very careful. It's very easy for men to get sucked into the internet - it becomes very addicting, especially if they look at porn or are chatting online. It can certainly lead to other things. I'm not saying that's what is going on here but the less time he spends on that thing, the less chance of that happening. Know what I mean? I would sit him down and have a serious talk with him about your needs and that in order to have a healthy, good r'ship, it takes investing TIME in it! Right now, he practically ignores you. The 2 of you sound more like roommates than soul mates. This is very common in marriages, I'm sure. That is why it takes a very conscious effort on both parts to NOT let this happen. It's understandable that he may need some down time to unwind from work but it's unacceptable for him to spend ALL his time on the computer when he gets home from work. Here's my suggestion:

He comes home.....He plays on the computer while you're cooking dinner or doing chores (say 45 min).....the 2 of you eat TOGETHER (none of this him eating by the computer nonsense!!!)....then you watch t.v. together or do something TOGETHER.

I think you'll find that you both feel so much closer to one another if you even have dinner together! That's when you get to talk about your day and he tells you about his. It keeps you connected. Remember when you first started dating and you had all this stuff to talk about.....go back to that! Watch the news and discuss. Play a game and laugh. Just enjoy each other because life is SHORT and he sure can't take that computer with him! :)

Answer 3

You, how long have you been allowing yourself to be treated as a door mat? I have done the same thing in the past & yes it was mostly my fault. I started the relationship doing everything. I wanted to show him how much I cared & that I was worth loving back(self esteem issues) When that relationship collapsed I whined about how bad he was & how much he neglected me.
For the first year I wouldent allow him to do anything. Then I became overloded. I had already pushed him into the habbit of doing nothing cause thats what I allowed him to do for so long NOTHING.
It would be nice if I could say I did all this are first year because I love him. Looking back reality is I was doing it so I would get the praise, thanks & appreciation for the things I was doing. Anything after time looses appreciation value. Therefore I did more & more untill it wasent possible to do any more. Leading to less verbal appreciation from him & there were no more pats on the back. Then I was stuck with all these thing I had tasken responsability for.
I have learned (trying getting better day by day) If I decide to take responsability for somthing I need to make sure I have the right motives. Am I willing to take responsability with out appreciation from others? Will it sastify me? Am I doing it so others will give me praise, That I should be able to give myself.

Answer 4

No, you are not wrong. But why is the question, "am I right or is he right"? Has he already argued with you that you are asking too much from him?
The statement that you make above would make it clear to anyone that you are taking on all of the responsibility in this relationship. However, we do not know his side. Has he ever worked? Does he do anything to contribute to the "family" or to the "team" of you and him? If not, then this is obviuosly an ongoing issue. Did you guys discuss this before you got married? No matter what the answers are to those questions, the important thing right now is to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Do not get angry or raise your voice. Do not complain, but simply let him know that you are exhausted and saddened. If he raises his voice or argues about something that is irrelevant, then listen to him no matter what, but make sure he hears what you are saying, too. Anyone that claims they are "in a relationship" will spend more than 25 minutes a day with someone. Really, this is not an issue of how much he is on the computer or how much time he spends with you as much as it is an issue of "hey, honey, do you care enough about me to contribute ANYTHING to this relationship"? You are probably feeling unloved and taken advantage of. Don't be afraid to tell him how you feel. Just do it in a calm manner, and if he starts to freak out, tell him, "I am trying to talk to you in a calm manner, can you please do the same?". These are issues you will want to resolve; if you try to talk to him you will at least be taking the right first step. Good luck.

Answer 5

No u r not wrong at all. U should find out what has his attention on the internet! After he comes home from work the first thing he should do is spend time with u and the baby because tomorrow is not promised and one day he may no t walk into the door or he may not have u to come home to! I think that u should sit him down and tell him how u feel because as a woman we all need a lil TLC from time to time! This is a lil food for thought! Good Luck!

Answer 6

YOu rub his feet??!!! why would you do that. It seems that the balance in the relationship is very off. HOney you need a counselor. By reading this your husband seems immature, inconsiderate, lazy, selfish, stupid etc... You need to sit him down and talk (easier said then done right?) Tell him how you feel without accusations, critics or blame. Just say something like 'when you come home u go on the computer and it makes me feel lonely cause i hardly get to spend time with you." Tell him his actions and how they make you feel Don't say 'your lazy" your inconsiderate or anything like that cause he'll get stubborn and not listen. Hope this helps. Then if he knows how you feel he might stop or he might not then search counseling hopefully he'll want to go too. there might be an issue hidden in him as to why he behaves like that you just have to be patient to get it out of him...

Answer 7

what is he doing online all night? and why do you have to rub his feet every night? did he do that for you when you worked all week and gave birth to his kids. you need to talk to him and tell him you miss him and want to spend time with him. not 2 hrs at night, it should be more then that. if you feel this way imagine how your kid feels. he is your husband he should want to spend the whole night with you and your family when he gets home from work. you need to have a sit down with that man and work it out, before you resent him for not being there for you. good luck

Answer 8

He's gotten very comfortable with treating you like a nanny and servant, and you are letting him do it. Of course, his behavior is outrageous. It sounds as if he pays no attention whatsoever to the baby, either.

Lots of people are hooked on computers. I love reading and researching online, too, but I don't neglect my family to do it. Family comes first, especially with a child as young as yours. Your husband needs to learn to put the computer in its rightful place, and start acting like a husband and father, again.

If he refuses, then he has made his choice. You have already demonstrated how amazingly self sufficient you can be. You've got a lot of pent up anger and resentment, going back years. If neither one of you is interested in marriage counseling, you may have to be self sufficient, again. You can do it, if you have to.

Answer 9

You married someone who doesn't want to grow up. I am definitely on your side, but nagging him won't work. You could try talking to him, but he'll probably only change for a week and then go back to his old routine. I honestly don't know what to tell other than I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. It would be incredibly frustrating.

Answer 10

U deserve better than that U need more credit your sittin there running the house and he doesnt sound like he supports you. Next time he comes in and kick his shoes off beofre he even gets halfawy to the computer you need to stop him and tell him what your feelin and what your dealin with while he doesnt help.