How to ask maid of honour where bride's present is?

Question

I got married in september. My maid of honour was less than helpful during the planning but we had fun anyway. She never showed up as promised to my gift opening thus never gave me a present. Not even a card. I have seen her twice since my honeymoon but she has made no mention of a gift - but she has talked about how much she indulged in the open bar etc... I do not know how to mention that I feel a little sad that she has not even given us a card.
One more thing that I am upset about is that she had previously alluded to a breadmaker. Our Emcee had purchased one for us long before the big day but returned it when he saw that it had been duplicated on the registry. He spent the day before our wedding searching for another gift - we really love to make bread and he is a pretty thoughtful guy. We have not received a breadmaker and wonder why my MOH is doing this?
what should I do?

I paid for her dress, hair and pretty much wined and dined her - her expenses were nil.

Answer 1

I don't understand why there are so many...
a gift is voluntary... it's rude to demand gifts
stop being greedy or gift grabbing...
her presence is your gift...
drop it because it's either the gift or friendship...

I can completely understand why you feel the way you do. What kind of a friend is she being by failing to attend to your gift opening and failing to give you anything? You paid for all her expenses because of your generosity and because she's your best friend and you want her to be there. As a best friend, she should have been honored and happy to help you plan and to give you a gift. If she couldn't fulfill that role, she should've declined or told you the truth about her situation. As far as see it, she's the rude one for acting like this and you have every right to feel hurt. There might be a reason why she did what she did, but at this point, you can either go on wondering why and feeling hurt or you can just let her know how you feel. If you two are really that close, you should be more open with her. I don't think it's realistic to just drop it and move on... easier said than done especially when the person you thought were your best friend doesnt even treat you like a friend. Think about your friendship with her in the past and be open with her about you feeling hurt, you'll get your answer... is she a friend worth keeping.

Answer 2

You shouldn't be sitting around waiting on that breadmaker. She didn't get you a gift and she had a pretty easy ride as a maid of honor. You didn't get married just to get gifts did you? She could have gotten you a gift but opted not to and that's the way it is. Either forget about her and get over it or move on from the topic and still be friends. Focus on the fact that you got to marry the man you love instead of focusing on the fact that you didn't get a gift from one person. Be happy that you're married. Even if she isn't showing she's happy for you, move on from it because you can't change her. Yes marriage is a happy occasion but you can't expect to be still bubbling with joy long after the wedding because people get married all the time and life goes on, as should you.

Answer 3

Our best man- my husband's brother- didn't give us any gift, either. I wasn't looking to cash in, but at the same time, it seems cold that people I work with who are pretty minor in my life saw fit to give us a token to mark the day, but family did not. Nothing we can do about it, though, what's done is done.

If you really want to bring it up to her, say "Hey, I noticed something weird- the breadmaker shows as purchased on our registry, but we never got it! I wonder if someone had it shipped, maybe I should call the store and ask, Isn't that odd?"-- and see what she says. If she doesn't bite, then you're going to have to let it go, unless you really want to end the friendship.

Answer 4

Just so you know, gifts are actually optional at a wedding. However at least a card would have been nice. It is quite an expense to be in a wedding, you have to chip in money for the bridal shower, bachlorette party, and spend alot of your own time doing other things. I think you should just forget about it. Is it really that big of a deal. Buy yourself a breadmaker if it is really that important.

Answer 5

here is the deal, you are able to in no way ask for a recent. yet, you are able to, as a chum (and rather as she substitute into your maid of honor) the subsequent time you spend time along with her talk approximately how lots artwork there is in sending out thank you notes for the presents and which you're apprehensive which you have have been given lost a number of the enjoying cards and can ignore to thank somebody. and as an aside to her say "in certainty, i'm so embarassed that i've got lost your card and am not even confident what you gave us, i be responsive to it substitute right into a hectic day, yet it rather isn't any excuse. i'm rather sorry" and then she would be waiting to the two confess that she did not you're able to convey a recent, or in spite of the case may be, yet you would be responsive to from her reaction what befell.

Answer 6

I never seen anybody asking anybody "Why you didn't give me a gift" Gifts are optional so even if she talked about it maybe now she has no money or spent too much already, so just leave her alone, don't be greedy and don't value your friendship 'because she didn't give you a gift, She was at your wedding, that was your gift.

Edit:

If you paid for everything for her it is because you wanted her there, wedding expenses are not "Investements", not necessarily you have to get all you invest back in return with gifts. Sorry.

Answer 7

It was rude that she didn't give you a congratulatory card. My husband was upset at his best friend for the same reason. (Also because 3 months earlier he bought a $100 gift for a mutual friend's wedding and gave us nothing.) However, a gift is a voluntary act of kindness. It may have been rude for her to go crazy at the bar, and shady for her to mention a gift that never was, but she doesn't owe you anything. Although people customarily offer a gift at a wedding, it is not mandatory.

Just write it off...it isn't worth the trouble.

Answer 8

I think that a gift is the last thing. A gift is not what matters, it's having your MOH there for support and to share in your important day. Looking back, I don't recall my MOH giving me a gift, but it's not something that I worry about because her friendship is what is the most important.
I hope that you don't let this bother you to the point of hurting your relationship with a person you care enough about to have them as your MOH.

Answer 9

You don't demand gifts from your guests, and a good hostess doesn't tally up the cost of entertaining a guest (in reference to your comment about how much she drank at the open bar). You threw a party. You invited her. She came. Granted, social custom is that she give you a gift. That's her failing. Trust me: she knows she didn't give you a gift. She also has to know that that's potentially damaging to your friendship (your feelings are justifiably hurt). Even if she gave you a gift now, especially after you asked for one, would it make everything better? No. Your feelings would still be hurt. You need to work out with her the status of your friendship in general, and you need to decide if you're willing to end the friendship over this episode of thoughtlessness on her part.

Answer 10

Contact the MOH and assume the best - Say "I'm terribly sorry I haven't sent you a thank you card yet - I'm afraid your card or gift got lost in the shuffle."

Then see what she says.

There's a good chance she spent so much money being in the wedding that she was either broke or resented you for it. No one owes you a gift, by the way. A card would be nice, but it sounds like she's miffed at you.