My son won't stop hitting, what can i do?

Question

My 3 year old son has recently started hitting me when he gets mad. I put him in time outs and eventually end up spanking him. How can i get him to stop with out reverting to hitting myself?

Answer 1

Stick with the time outs or start taking away toys when he hits. If you spank him when you end up losing your temper, it only shows him that hitting is the way to get what you want. It's frustrating, but if you stay the course with the time outs (a'la Supernanny) and be consistent, it will work out. Good luck.

Answer 2

OMG My son does the same exact thing. He just turned 3 years old this week and when he gets really angry, he abrutly hits me. I end up spanking him as well when he does that because I don't want him to think that is OK yet, I have no idea whether it helps him or not. I understand exactly how you feel because I don't want to revert to just spanking him when he might get the wrong idea of hitting when you get angry. Time outs usually falter out; don't work for a 3 year old. So I am just as confused as you are about it. I would just say, to speak to him, letting him know that hitting is wrong no matter what and I guess just spank him when absolutely necessary. Hope my idea works! ♥

Answer 3

I like to open a discussion (short) about the behavior when it is NOT happening, say an hour or two later, and address it simply, with sincere concern and heal it with an apology and a promise to not do it again (both of you, if you have hit him).
It is a process, don't expect overnight results. Catch him doing good stuff as much as possible, praise verbally for positives (even for the best hug).
Also, I have been angry and wanted to lash out but instead I have told my son 'I really want to spank you for that, I am so upset!' That has been just as effective as a spanking. The 'verbal' spank, as well, should be a very rare thing.

Answer 4

This is natural for 3 year olds, but can be fixed.

Make him sit and fold his hands for 5 minutes (you will have to help him fold his little fingers properly the first few times) after you calm down. Then, take away all his toys, games, friends, TV, and anything else he likes for a half day, to give him time to feel sorry for his actions and apologize appropriately.

Having to sit still with hands folded and not having any entertainment for hitting mommy is significant enough to get through to a 3 year old that his behavior is wrong.

I suggest you look VERY hurt and actually CRY a little, too, so he will understand on a visceral level that it is never good to hit mommy!

Answer 5

Sorry to hear about the troubles with your son. It is very common at this age.

Try not to respond in anger, but put him in a quiet place for a time-out. Or, give yourself a time-out- just step into the next room for a few minutes and close the door.

Do not spank him- it just teaches him to use force when there is a problem. It only works temporarily, but long-term, it makes things worse. Some children secretly like the attention they get by being spanked- it actually reinforces the bad behavior.

Try to make your house a calm, soothing atmosphere. Play some gentle, classical music in the background. Child-proof your house so there is little for him to get in trouble with. Try to find times when he is playing well and praise him for that.

Give him more attention when he is playing well than when he is causing trouble. Some children learn that they can get their parents' attention by acting out. To them, negative attention is better than no attention. Interact with him often when he is doing well.

Make sure he gets a good night's sleep. When children are tired, they often act out. Put him to bed at a regular bedtime so he is used to it.

And only give him healthy food- do not allow junk food in the house. Even if he doesn't like to eat fruits, veggies, etc. offer them to him and eat them in front of him and eventually he will want to try them. Don't force him- set a good example though.

Calming activities are also good- read books to him, give him a bath, sing songs with him, etc.

I hope this is helpful.

Answer 6

Spanking him does nothing but enrage him further. Talk to him quietly when he does it, and tell him that he hurts your feelings and you know he's a good boy. If that doesn't work, he may need to see a child psychologist. Be gentle with him. There has to be an underlying cause.

Answer 7

I really strongly recommend either watching the TV program or getting the book Super Nanny. Jo Frost is wonderful and she covers this very thing.
The main thing is to get to his level, look him in the eyes, keep your cool, protect yourself as necessary and then stick to your times out. It is all about consistency. He does it to get a rise out of you and it does.
Good Luck!

Answer 8

my lill lad does the same apart from he is just 19 month he hits out al the time with evey1 i did the same as u and got my health visitor to take a look she told me change his diet i didnt belive it would work but it did and he gone a lot better good luck

Answer 9

take away all his toys and anything that keeps him entertained, including TV. make him sit around doing nothing. he will get tired of it, and hopefully start to behave right.

Answer 10

please don't smack him, your re-enforcing his bad behaviour. still to the time outs and explain each time how he has hurt you and how it is not nice. stop giving treats etc if it continues. he will get the message that this is not acceptable behaviours and it will stop. good luck.