When is it my time?

Question

I's a single mother of two. I work 45mins away, I do 40 week. I have 2 1/2 hours with my kids in the week to make dinner, do homework, bath them and put them to bed by 8.
Then it's time to pick up the house, do dishes, maybe watch a little TV before I go to bed.
The weekends consist of entertaining the kids and the weekends I don't have the kids it's time to mow the yard, do laundry, grocery shopping.........etc
I want to date, go to school, workout at the gym, have grownup fun (don't be dirty).........
How do people do this on a regular basis and still smile?
I have no family in the US, I don't have time for friends or a life.
I know what I'm doing is important to my children and I love them very much, is it too much to ask for a little somthing pf my own, for me once in a while?

To all of you with kind words THANK YOU. You made me cry but it was a good thing :)
And for those that are mean saying I brought this on myself..... I chose marriage, I did not choose my husband walking out, or his change in personality after the wedding day. It was best for the happiness of my children.

To all of you with kind words THANK YOU. You made me cry but it was a good thing :)

Answer 1

yes

Answer 2

On the weekends the kids are with Dad make at least one day Saturday lets say your day, You can leave the lawn or have a neighbor boy do it for a few bucks. Straighten your your house etc on Friday after work then kick back on the couch with a glass of wine or two! watch some TV or read or take a relaxing bath find a friend that only for now comes over when the kids aren't home. On Saturday do what you want get your nails done, join a gym, go shopping you are in no hurry, No matter what our schedule is we have to take time for our self. So relax before you go crazy make it your time

Answer 3

Darlin I'm in your same boat.. I am a single mother as well, I have 2 small kids. I have full custody and they are with me at all times. Their dad has no visitation. I also work 40+ hours a week.. doesn't leave us much time does it? On the days your kids are at their dads or where ever they go on your weekends off, do the laundry during the day and maybe plan something with co-workers at night, join that gym, go on the weekends, or drop the kids off at daycare an hour earlier... you need some YOU time or you'll lose your mind. You need to focus on finding friends who won't drag you down and that have minimal drama in their lives... you don't want to have to work on a relationship with "friends" they should just be there. Find a hobby, branch out... don't ever let yourself feel trapped or restricted... raising kids is a damn tough job, especially alone... if you don't treat yourself, you'll lose it. Take a step back and look at everything you've done, commend yourself for being a good mommy... treat yourself! Find a reliable babysitter, an inexpensive one... maybe from church organization.. if your into that... But I can't stress it enough, you need grown up time! Good luck to you... :)

Answer 4

Okay, now comes the work, you have to start putting some money away that will be for you to use. Decide what you want to do, you mentioned going to school, this is a wonderful place to start. You also would be getting exposure to other adults and might even find romance. The reason you have to stock pile some money, your going to have to have sitters.
You would probably be going to classes in the evening, as your the sole income. You'll want the kids somewhere that on short notice the kids would be able to spend an extra hour or so. Say someone asks you out for coffee after class, or even a group whats to go and have coffee or something to eat after class. The money put away would allow you to spend a little to have something.besides coffee and pay for the extra hour or so, at the sitters. Your working 45 min. away, is there places closer to work to live that's affordable? The difference in time that you would have: would give you time, and money (savings on gas) to join a gym or club to work out. There again you would be meeting adults and you would at least be getting in shape as you kind of kept an eye out for Mr Right.
You have to think it over and make some plans not just jump in with both feet. Check out prices in schools and gyms.

Answer 5

you deserve something for yourself every once in a while. I know spending time with your kids is important. Could you find another job closer to home? If you can afford it, maybe hire someone to come in after the kids go to bed and pay them to pick up and wash dishes and of course keep an eye on the kids so that you can go to the gym for a few hours and shop. Or even go on a date. Just a suggestion. A little "me" time goes a long ways. Good luck! Wish I could help more than a few words!

Answer 6

You have to make time for you before you crack up.

Long Term
Look for a job that is closer to your home.
Try to get a job with flex time.
Instead of getting the kids every other weekend, can the other party pick them up maybe one night a week.
How about in the summer time. Do the kids go away for a couple weeks?


Short Term
How about Saturday is for you and kids.
Sunday you do something with a friend for a couple of hours.

At least one day a month, you go out to dinner and a movie or something you enjoy.

Develop a support system in the neighbors or friends.

Answer 7

I'm a single mum too and can relate. The fact is working and taking care of kids and taking care of house chores leaves almost no time left over. I compensate by getting as much rest as I can. You could hire a babysitter once or twice a month so you can get to the gym to work out, and possibly socialize that way. I don't do that. It's sad, but I've kind of given up on having a personal life or don't expect too much of one at least until my child is older.

Answer 8

Course it isn't too much to ask for. You are busy, and you do need you time...best way to do that is learning to manage your time better. When you don't have the kids sounds like the best time to do this. let lawn go once in a awhile and go get yer hair done, maybe not a full on style change, but sometimes just a wash and trim is nice.
You sound like you are locking yourself in a schedule that doesn't allow for flexibility. There are always spots of time that can be turned into you time...before ya go do the grocery, grab a cup of coffee at a coffee shop and just chill...
Learning how to manage your time better will help. being flexible is something ya have to learn to do.
Good Luck!

Answer 9

I would join a gym near your work, and use your lunch hour to go work out. There are always classes at the gym so join one on your lunch break and talk to those in the class. You just might find yourself making friends. And about the classes, try taking one online course that you can go at your own pace. And with your weekends that you don't have the kids, try doing something for yourself besides housework, go get a pedicure! To meet people who are in your same situation, try joining one of the groups that works with your kids' school. Get involved with their school and you will most definitely meet other adults, maybe even friends. Good luck!

Answer 10

I felt the same way when my three children were small. It seemed like I didn't have time to be a good mother, good employee, etc, etc, etc. Now that my children are grown, I've had time to travel and do the things I wanted to do. So for the time-being you have the most important project to raise your children and it will fly-by faster that you will believe.

Why not write out your busy schedule and determine your priorities, goals and things you would like to do. Then pencil out the things that are a waste of time. Share these with your children and make family goals, like a trip to the park or the zoo or library. Make a goal to treat yourself to something nice occasionally.

Keep the communication open with your children because it will prevent problems in the future if they feel free to talk to you about their concerns.

You may be depressed "I don't have time for friends or a life."
and that calls for a visit to the doctor for a check-up and maybe an anti-depressant. It's very important to take care of yourself. My doctor told me to eat meals at regular times, sleep at regular times and keep calm emotionally. That proved to be excellent advice.

Answer 11

Think yourself lucky that you don't have family and a partner that would take even more of your time. Enjoy what you have and nice things will come your way. Look at the positive, enjoy entertaining your kids, enjoy cooking, enjoy having a nice home, do your workout at home instead of the gym, stop watching TV and get off the internet, spend more time in the real world. Good luck. Things will get better.