I am adopted?

Question

Im kind of scared to go look for my parents because Im scared of the reason that I was put up for adoption what should I do should I still go and look for them and how should I take it if I go so I wont be ignorant to them and do you think I should wait until I get a little older because Im only 18 but I known my whole life that I was adopted

Answer 1

You should try to find out about them. The reason doesn't really matter, because obviously you were still put up for adoption. 18 is not too young. I'm sure you've had these questions all your life. You need to find the answers for yourself so you can have the satisfaction of atleast knowing you tried or actually found something. Good Luck. God loves you.

Answer 2

You should sit down with your parents that raised you, and talk about this first, and first off just let them know that the only reason is because you are curious, and feel a gap there, you should let them know that it not to do with them, and you are glad they took and raised you, that you love them, they did do a good thing, they gave love to someone that wasnt' even thier own, they did a great thing.
When you do decide you are ready, and I would talk to God about this, be ready for anything, because someone gives up a child, because they couldn't give the proper care,and other reasons, you have to know that these things happen for reasons, and you do not know what you are walkin into, just remember you have these parents that have loved you from day one, and continue to do so, do not hurt them, Also you must also know you have a Father that loves you, who created you, and this world is not our home, there is someone up there, that watches everything you do, and has a perfect plan for your life, You are loved.

Answer 3

I was adopted too and today I actually found out my biological mother is looking for me. I am absolutely terrified, I am 19 and there are so many questions flying through my head. I know you must be feeling the same way. my best advice is to do whatever you feel good about, I know thats really hard but you need to listen to your heart. Keep in mind that the people that raised you are you family and no one can take that away from you. No matter what you do those people will be there to love and support you.
If you do decide to look for your biological family i suggest going to www.adopteeconnect. com, its how i found my biological mother.
Lauren

Answer 4

I think you should start looking. I was adopted and now that I am 40 some hereditary problems have showed up. I have tried looking for my birth mother but the agency that dealt with my adoption is no longer around. You never know, your birth mother might be looking for you right now. It sounds like it will bring you peace of mind if you get your questions answered. Good Luck!!

Answer 5

Oh, Rae, I hope you ignore much of the 'advice' here. When people tell you you need to talk to counselers, or your adoptive parents first they are implying that there is something wrong with you. there is NOTHING wrong with you!

In fact I think you're a very healthy young woman. You're curious! Who wouldn't be? You don't owe your adoptive parents anything more than you've already provided. They wanted a child to raise-and you were that child. You're done. People can have more than two siblings, right?

Adoptees have 4 parents, and after 18 years, you'd like to meet yours--DO IT.

You might want to check out these sites:
adoptioncrossroads.com (there is a nightly chat here with an adoptee and therapist)
and
adultadoptees.org/forum
and these books:
The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier
and
any adoption book by Betty Jean Lifton

You need to register with the ISRR. I'll get back to you with the address.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

did i but you know what it would have been smarter to go now. its not that you should be scared. if they dont' want to see you fine. butyou can have their medical stuff and find out from there and its good to have this. it does not matter what the reason. heck my mom walked out on my dad when i was day old how worse can it get she left with another man so what it has nothing to do with you i am lucky they didnt' have me and kept me my other two sisters are messed up big time. one is into drugs and the other one drinks alot. i mean hey its now and its good cause you may still beable to see what they look like and that is good you can find out if there are another siblings. that is good. well i fount out since i didn't grow up with mysiblings well i lost out and that is sad it can never be brought back. my sister really used me and i learnt over that but i dont' care live and learn and that is what you need to do you will be bigger person for all this take care and good luck.

Answer 7

As an adult adoptee, I would say that 18 might be a little young to search at this point. The decision is ultimately only yours to make.

Every state has different laws for the amount of of information you can receive as well as what age that consider you an adult. This age can vary from 18 to 25 when it comes to adoption.

You can check out this site to see your states laws regarding what info you can receive. Each state is very different in it's laws!
http://local.reunion.adoption.com/

I would say at the age of 18, your reasons for searching are simply curiosity. As you get older those reasons will extend to medical and heritage questions. You will especially want these answers should you decide to start your own family one day.

I recommend searching but each case is different and not all reunions are happy ones but even with a less than expected reunion there is closure with this missing piece of most adoptee's lives.

Good luck!

Answer 8

I found my parents when I was 18 too. It was difficult but I am glad I did it.

I can't believe how rude people have been to you, saying "be glad you weren't murdered?" what a horrible thing to say to someone, would you say that to a non-adopted person? Lots of mothers consider abortion, not just the ones that adopt out their babies.


"Think of your aparents--they must love you very much" Why must they love her very much, they may, or they may have treated her like a consolation prize, which most of us ARE, most adoptive parents want their own children and SETTLE for adopted ones.

I would guess that you spent the last 18 years trying to be a good daugther to them, you have paid your debt to them, you did not consent to the adoption and HAVE EVERY RIGHT to know where you came from, adoption is not slavery, your aparents do not own you.

Searching actually has nothing to do with adoptive parents, it is the healthy normal response to not knowing where you come from.


I am really disgusted by the meanness of people in response to this question, I wonder how anyone can still believe the myth that being adopted is a good thing, after witnessing how we are talked to for simply asking a question.

q: "Where did I come from what happened to my mom?"

a: "just be glad you aren't dead"

It is horrible.

Answer 9

Don't be afraid, usually the reason is that they are very young and will not be able to give you the quality of life that your deserve. Whatever the reason, a mother never ever forgets nor does she forgive herself for these decisions. No, I don't think that you are too young to look because if it all works well, you will have time to still enjoy knowing them and or at least finding out who they are NO MATTER what. I hope that your life with your adoptive parents was all that your natural birth mom hoped and wished that it would be.


peace out

Answer 10

It is a very scary thing, thinking of who your birth parents might be. I can tell you though from meeting my family (but not my birth mother) that is the most amazing thing, even if you don't like them or they don't want to really know you. You finally get to see where you come from, something to connect to.

It might not go brilliantly, but I would say they would be happy to answer any questions you have. You must be curious.

You do have to be ready for these things, so take your time, go slowly with it. You have to be in a strong state of mind to be able to make that move. It is always very nerve racking,

Only search for your family if you are ready, and you will know that deep down.

Even though I say that it could go negatively, this is just a warning. Meetings with families can go fantastically, and you can end up with two sets of families!

Good Luck!